The best parenting book...

If you haven't guessed already, I'm talking about the Bible!  When thinking about discipline or parenting in the Bible, most people tend to think of the classic, "spare the rod, spoil the child" scripture.

But, there is a much bigger perspective, I think.

For instance, look at all the times God is referred to as our Father.  That being the case, I think we can look at God's nature and character as a reference or model for parenting.  What kind of father is God?  How does he parent us?  Here are some thoughts and things I've been journaling lately -

On punishment:

"The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.  ...He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve."    Psalm 103:8

Instead of focusing on punishment, focus on meeting our children's needs:

"Your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!"  Matthew 6:8

Translate their behaviors into needs.  Are they bored?  Play with them.  Are they trying to get attention?  Give it to them.  Are they sad? frustrated? angry? scared?  Comfort them.   Meet their needs, don't punish them for these things.

And their greatest need?  Love.  Keep those little love tanks full, in the same way our heavenly Father continues to fill us up with His love each day.

"But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me."  Psalm 42:8

Something I've been reflecting on is the fact that it's not what we do, we can't win God's approval by our actions.  Our children have a deep need to know that we love them as they are, not for what they do.

How to deal with anger in our children:

"A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare." Proverbs 15:1 

On Modeling as a method:

"Don't Lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example."  1 Peter 5:3

On repentance or spanking:

"Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you?  Does this mean nothing to you?  Can't you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?"  or in the NIV, "...God's kindness leads you toward repentance."

I'm so glad God doesn't spank me. It's His kindness that leads to repentance, His great love that makes me want to obey. His intimacy makes it a joy to serve and give and be a part of His family. I want to be more like that. Holy Spirit, Heavenly Father, help me parent my children the way you parent me.