easier, faster, better

For Kai's 5th birthday Scott and I decided to splurge and buy him a bike. We thought 5 was probably the right age for learning to ride a 2-wheeler and many of his peers already knew how. Much to my dismay Kai pedaled around the garage a few times with the training wheels on, but for the most part the bike sat there unused. He didn't have a lot of interest in the bike and it never held his attention for very long.

Well about a month ago, at the age of 6 1/2, Kai decided on his own that he wanted to ride his bike. One Saturday morning he asked Scott to take the training wheels off and after a few pushes to get going he took off riding down the street just like that.

I am intrigued by this notion of the "optimum learning time." I think there is something innate inside us parents that wants to push our kids into a new skill based on our own timeline, agenda, or comparison to their peers not our child's readiness.

The same thing has now happened to Kai with reading, completely unintentionally on my part. I was actually beating myself up the last few years for not being involved in teaching Kai reading. I was afraid that because of my lack of involvement he was falling behind his age mates. Finally these past few months I've been able to focus on his reading and surprisingly it has been a breeze. He is speeding through the process at double time because he has the desire, motivation, skills and capabilities to succeed. It has been an enjoyable process for him with almost no frustration. I think by waiting until now we've spared ourselves a lot of time and work. Currently he's spending lots of time reading tons of easy readers on his own without prompting from me. He's progressing and improving completely initiated on his own. I'm kind of amazed.

I'm reading another book now - The Three R's. In it Dr. Ruth Beechick says, "When you wait for the optimum time, things go easier, faster and better."

It's funny, though, because seeing Kai's success, my initial reaction is to want to get Ezzy now up on a bike - even though he's very happy and content with his scooter. "Since it was so easy," I think to myself, "Why not get Ezzy started reading now?" But then I have to stop myself and remember this concept of optimum learning time. I have to remember that things will go easier, faster and better if I'm careful not to rush my kids and to move at their own pace.

First day on my own

Our family left yesterday and that means it is back to reality for the Freeman family! I realize that if I am going to manage these four on my own I can't do it all. I need these boys to start pitching in and taking some responsibility. I was encouraged by The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook (that I referenced earlier). They place an emphasis on work being as important as academics. The Moore's say that it is good for children's self worth to know that they are an important, valuable and needed family member. One suggestion they make is to never do anything for your kids that they can do themselves. This is harder than it sounds! When dealing with a 6, 4, 2 and newborn a lot of times it is faster, easier and more efficient to just do it myself. And that's really what I've been doing the last 7 years. It's definitely time to change my ways.

I called a "family meeting" (first ever) yesterday evening. I explained to the boys that now that Grandma's gone I'm going to need them to be helpers and take responsibility. That means cleaning up their toys, putting their clothes away and working together to keep our home a nice place. We ended with high fives and enthusiasm. Well, within a half hour I heard Scott from the kids room, "What???!!!" I walked in to see Jude and Ezzy with a pile of side walk chalk. Chalk was mashed in and all over the entire floor and bed. Somehow I don't think they got my message!

This morning - my first day on my own - Kai was very enthusiastic about helping out. He is a kid who thrives on praise and verbal reinforcement. He really loves to make me happy. He did the breakfast dishes, made his bed and straightened his room without even being asked. Wow - off to a great start! It was harder to motivate Ezzy and Jude to put away the cars that they dumped all over the living room. They finally were motivated because they wanted to have music but I wouldn't let them get their instruments out until they cleaned up.

For music we put on Veggie Tales Worship. The boys danced and played instruments through 1/2 the CD. This is a little embarrassing and probably hormonal but as I sat there holding Koa I was tearing up a little bit! I just enjoyed watching them and taking a few minutes to close my eyes and give thanks and praise to God for being with me, loving me and being my friend. I've been having some "baby blues" the last few weeks and it was just a moment of realizing God is with me and it was comforting. Funny how God can reach us in just about any moment.


The rest of the day progressed pretty smoothly. The boys did chalk drawings (on a chalkboard this time) and played while I folded laundry. They put their stacks of clothes away. When they got hungry I didn't let them eat until they put everything away. Then I got out this book that I just got - it's pretty cool. We read a pretty large amount of it about simple machines, different kinds of matter and energy. The other boys drifted off to play but it held Kai's attention very well. Scott surprised me by coming home at 2! So my first day on my own was a short one, thankfully.

So, I was really nervous about this day, but it ended up being good. Overall I feel happy that these boys are home with me. I like having them here and I like spending time with them (even though Jude was tantruming from about 3:00 on - fun times - that's a whole other blog post). I'm feeling pretty optimistic right now. We'll see how we do tomorrow!


p.s. if anyone has suggestions or ideas about getting young children to clean up after themselves, I would love to hear from you!

Me

My friend: www.teaandchopsticks.wordpress.com posted this on her blogsite and asked friends to complete it and post on their blogsites. I thought since I've been lost in babyland, it might be fun to take a few minutes and do this:

1. where is your cell phone: I actually don't have one - isn't that sad?

2. your hair: Long and natural - pretty boring actually, I just put it in a ponytail every single day.

3. your father: Coming to visit in 2 weeks for the first time.

4. your favorite food: Mexican and Italian

5. your dream from last night: I know I had a weird dream because I remember waking up and telling myself to remember what I was dreaming. But of course in the morning I couldn't remember.

6. your favorite drink: Right now I keep drinking rooibos tea and chocolate milk.

7. Your dream/goal: Why is this one hard for me to answer? I think we're moving in the direction of our dreams and goals - to really be able to help children who are hurting and in difficult situations, to see lives restored and healed. This is kind of a deep down dream for the future, but I would love to have a home that is a safe haven for children. To take children in who need a family - short or long term. God knows and He's holding that dream of mine for me until the right time.

8. what room are you in: My bedroom.

9. what is your hobby: I don't really have a hobby - I think my kids and family is pretty all consuming right now. I like to read and cook. Hopefully someday I'll have time for something beyond that.

10. what is your fear: Someone in my family being seriously injured or dying. I also have fears about finances.

11. where do you want to be in 6 years: I want to still be on the mission field, living in Costa Rica, fluent in Spanish, being even more effective than we are now.

12. where were you last night: At home - it was our last night with Scott's mom, Aunt and Cousin here so we set up the projector and did movie night. It was so fun and cozy.

13. something you are not: extroverted

14. muffins: I like muffins - blueberry, lemon poppyseed, banana, chocolate chip. I never make them, though, and they're not very common here so I actually can't remember the last time I had one.

15. wish list items: Right now at the top of my list is a new fuel pump for our chevy astro 98. Or better yet how about a new car that doesn't break down every month?

16. where did you grow up: Falls Church, Virginia.

17. last thing you did: Fed, burped and changed Koa.

18. what are you wearing: a gray shirt dress with black leggings.

19. your tv: No tv for this family.

20. your pets: no way - I have enough work with these crazy kids I can't take care of one more living thing, that includes plants as well.

21. your friends: I miss friends a lot.

22. your life: Kind of crazy right now, can't wait to get back to feeling better and more normal. The recovery after a c-section just takes way too long.

23. your mood: Feeling sad today - saying goodbye to family was hard.

24. missing someone: I miss so many people.

25. vehicle: Don't even get me talking about our vehicle right now. We have a 98 Chevy Astro, which I love, but I just wish it would work properly.

26. something your not wearing: socks.

27. your favorite store: I hate shopping!

28. your favorite color: purple

29. when’s the last time you laughed: Laughed a lot these last two weeks with family here. They are hysterical!

30. when’s the last time you cried: I've been crying all day!

31. your best friend: Scott is definitely my bff. He's always on my side and he's always got my back. I love his perspective and I always know when I'm having a problem if I can just talk to him it will be better. I love how he prays for me. My girl best friend - I miss her soo much and just wish we could be together.

32. one place you go over and over: Lately? I haven't left my house!

33. one person who emails me regularly: Seems like since I started facebook and skype I don't get a lot of personal emails anymore - except my bff I mentioned above who isn't on facebook so we do still email.

34. Favorite place to eat: Costco, or the Costa Rican version - Pricesmart - free samples, frozen yogurt, pizza, hot dogs, churros!

So if you want to do this fun little quiz, send me your answers - if it's on your blog I'll link your answers here.

14 days ago...

...a new little life was brought into the world, placed in my arms and knit into our family. He completely captivates me with his tiny little hands and feet, curious eyes and contented sighs. So sweet! It's been an intense 2 weeks for our family. The three older boys are adjusting to a new brother and all the emotions that go along with that. With 'mommy' out of commission and my attention no longer fully theirs I am on the alert for acting out and behaviors. My mom was here the first week with us. She cooked all our meals and showered Kai, Ezzy and Jude with love and attention. I feel like I was living in a blurry haze of late night feedings, diaper changes and pain pills.






Now that she's left Scott's mom, Aunt Carrie and Cousin Angela have stepped in. Angela is the official Auntie and cook doing all our meals. The two grandma's are on duty reading stories, playing board games, supervising tree climbs and skateboarding.





I see my boys just thriving with all this extra attention and it's filling in the gaps so I can rest, recover and just enjoy this special time with Koa. I'm so thankful for my family!

One of the beautiful things about having a fourth child is the confidence of knowing what I want to do. Throughout the last 7 years of having babies I've read a wide range of books on infant care - from Dr. Sears to Babywise, Dr. Dobson to Dr. Spock. All of these books have different theories and recommendations. After trying many of them and sifting through the information overload I've come to a place of mothering from my heart with a mindset of having no regrets. I've found that I love co-sleeping. I love having this little one right by side - and I'm sleeping better than I've slept in months! I love to just confidently follow my instincts and do what I feel - it makes it such an enjoyable and relaxing experience.



I know I'm crazy, but even though this is my time to rest and recover certain worries and concerns start to fill my head surrounding homeschooling. I start to doubt. It feels weird to keep my kids at home when everyone else's kids are in school. Especially in this culture where it is actually illegal to homeschool. I start wondering if I'm being irresponsible? Will Kai get behind? Is it ok to take this much time off school? Will we be able to make it up? He is supposed to be in 1st grade right now so I feel a responsibility to keep him on track.

I woke up this morning to a really sweet sound. Kai has this adorable, high-pitched singing voice and I awoke to hear him singing, "Do you like green eggs and ham? I do not like them Sam I am." He continued to sing his way through the whole book. I didn't even know he could read that book.

As I'm emerging from my fog I was observing today and noticed the stacks of books that Grandma is reading aloud and Kai reads some to her as well. Meanwhile little scientists observe bugs and explore their world. They learn to share and take turns playing board games and how to be gentle and loving with an infant. It's comforting to see that even though we're not formally doing school right now they are still learning and growing each day. I'm realizing I need to expand my thoughts on what "school" is and be confident in my decision even though I feel like the odd duck.

I'm reading this book, too, which shares research showing the benefits of delaying formal schooling. It's a very interesting and timely read for me. (Thanks Tracie and Sandy for recommending it!)
Here's a quote:

So let's not bother with flash cards at six months or math at two or formal reading lessons at three, or even four, five, six or seven. You may elevate your ego, but you will likely pay a large price in creativity and normal development of your young.
Read to your children from the time they suckle at your breast; some will be reading by four five. Their brothers or sisters, however, who are just as bright, may not be reading until eight or ten. Just be sure your physician checks their vision and hearing, and don't worry. Read to them several times a day, respond to them warmly, and give them license to explore anything that is not dangerous to them. Don't let them read more than fifteen or twenty minutes at a time at age five or six.
Let them help you from the time they start to walk. As the years roll on, let them learn to clean up after you instead of your always cleaning after them. Respond warmly always, using many whys and hows to trigger their creative thinking as they grow cognitively mature. Ask them questions, but especially by the warmth of your responses, encourage them to question you. Their highest form of play is working with you.

Koa

Resting in daddy's hands

sleepy baby

The name "Koa" means strong or brave in Hawaiian. It's pronounced like Noah with a "K." We had a really hard time selecting a name for our fourth boy. He wasn't officially named until his second day of life. I don't really know how we came up with this name, it wasn't even on our lists. It just seemed to fit. Jeffrey is his middle name and he is named for Scott's brother. He was born November 1st at 8 a.m., weighing 6 lbs. 3 oz., 18.5 inches long. Our smallest baby.

My mom arrived in Costa Rica on October 31st. We picked her up at the airport and Rachel made us all dinner. That night I knew I needed to get some sleep and get to bed early. We were leaving for the hospital at 6 a.m. to be there for our 8 a.m. c-section appointment. I woke up at about 2 a.m., just uncomfortable and wide awake. I tried as hard as I could, but I never could go back to sleep! I finally just got up at about 5 and showered and got ready to go. Too much excitement, I guess!

Our plan for the day was that Rachel would stay with Kai, Ezzy and Jude while mom, Scott and I were going to the hospital. Paola would join Rachel later in the day and stay the night. We were a little nervous about how Jude was going to do. The whole week before he started waking up and climbing in bed with me at night. So I had a feeling he would be looking for me at night and might be upset when he couldn't find me. Paola did night duty and she did great with him.

Mema at the hospital - we were lucky they let her into the surgery

Scott suited up and ready for surgery

Everything went really well. I was really nervous about the anasthesia because I've had problems in the past with the epidural not working (this is my 4th c-section). I actually asked the anasthesiologist if I could have general anasthesia! He was so sweet, he said if I really wanted it he would do it, but he didn't recommend it and reassured me that it would be ok. So I went with his advice. During the surgery my mom stood right by me and held my hand. Scott actually went around and video recorded the whole surgery!!! He is crazy! It's a pretty intense surgery.



This moment was really sweet. I could hear Koa crying and crying and when they put him by me he just stopped crying - he knew his mommy! Unfortunately they still had a lot of work left to do with me so Scott went out with the baby while mom stayed with me. It took a full 2 hours to finish the surgery and recovery time. During that time Scott was with the babe. The nurses had him take his shirt off and they put him right on his chest - no bath or blanket or anything! It was bonding time for Scott and baby. They were like that for the full two hours! It is interesting how different countries and hospitals do things differently. In California they had the babies washed, dried, swaddled and in Scott's arms while he waits for me. So this was a different experience, but so sweet!

Scott spent the night with me at the hospital and by the next day we were heading home. This is also different - usually after a c-section I stay 3-4 days in the hospital. In Costa Rica patients only stay one night. I was a little nervous about that, but by the next afternoon I was glad to be going home anyways. I'm not a huge fan of hospitals and I'd just assume be in my own bed.

The only hard thing was the only pain medicine the doctor prescribed for me for home was tylenol and motrin. I didn't realize that until the next morning I woke up in so much pain I could barely even walk to the bathroom. That was not fun. But our friend Mar was able to get a hold of the doctor and get to the pharamacy for us to get some better medicine.

Being home has been a little crazy so far. Luckily we have Mema with us who has been cooking, cleaning and playing with kids - we're keeping her very busy! She leaves Saturday and that will be a sad day. But luckily Scott's mom, aunt and cousin fly in on Monday. I'm feeling better day by day too.


Okay, one of the craziest things is seeing our "baby Jude" all of a sudden look sooo huge! I think maybe other moms will relate to this feeling. He just looks so massive now. The boys are really happy with their baby brother. I think having extra attention from Mema helps a lot while I'm out of commission. The first day back I was in the bathroom and I could hear Kai in my bedroom talking away. I was wondering who he was talking to - when I came in he was sitting there just talking to Koa. "What are you talking about, Kai?" I asked him. "I'm just telling him about the world and that God is with him. He's going to learn that this is a nice, cozy place."

Koa is the smallest baby I've had. The doctor took him out about 2 weeks early. I just can't seem to put him down. He's so tiny, I just want to hold and cuddle him all the time. He is the cutest, snuggliest little thing. It's got to be hard adjusting to this new life outside the womb, but I think he's going to learn, like Kai said, that his new home is a cozy place.

Welcome baby Koa, we love you!