Infant Care

My fourth baby boy is turning one next week, so I think I have earned the right to share my advice about caring for an infant in the first year of life (a hot topic for moms, I know!).  Well, after having four infants I do have some distinct opinions about how to make the most of that precious first year that will come and go in the blink of an eye.

And that is my first piece of advice - this time goes so fast.  Don't waste the time focusing on the wrong things.  Throw away your watch, your clocks, your books telling you how to schedule your baby's sleep, eating and awake times.  Sound extreme?  Well, here's why I say that.  Those well-intentioned books are in reality killing your mother's heart.  There is nothing more natural than caring for an infant.  As long as they're intact, your natural instincts know what to do.  What feels right and good in your heart?  Do that. 

Advice #2 - Nurse your babies if at all possible.  It is not only the best food for them, but also an amazing source of comfort.  If you are nursing you always have a powerful way to comfort your baby when he is in distress.

Advice #3 - Hold and snuggle that baby as much as you possibly can.  Because before you know it, he'll be wiggling off your lap and crawling away to explore.  So enjoy those moments while you can!  You will NOT be spoiling him.  Actually, you'll be doing the exact opposite.  Through all that bonding and closeness you are laying the foundation for discipline - which is connection - and setting the stage for a fabulous time with a connected two year old. 

Advice #4 - Let child development guide you.  Erikson says that in the first year of life babies are learning trust and if that is learned correctly, they develop the attribute of hope.  Every time the baby cries and you meet his need he learnes to trust.  He learns the world is a good place and his conscience is developed through this process.  When he cries and his need is not met, he learns the opposite - despair.  I've got to take care of myself.  I'm on my own. I can't trust in others.  To me this learning process is what's most important in this time - not how often he feeds or how many hours he sleeps or how perfectly timed his naps are (which, by the way, sorts itself out quite naturally and settles into a steady rhythm all on it's own).

*a note about "self-soothing" - it is not learned through crying themselves to sleep.  It is learned over time as they are soothed by someone who loves them.  When babies cry themselves to sleep they are not self-soothing, they are giving up hope.

So, above all, enjoy every moment because before you know it's over and you can never go back.  Be true to yourself and,

"Let love be your highest goal."  1 Corinthians 14:1

More information here:
On Babywise:  Regrets...I've had a few @SortaCrunchy
On Sleep Training:  Crying it out:  10 reasons why it is not for us @PhDinParenting

more co-sleeping

A homeschool afternoon

Start out with a little "pool" because it's so hot!

When everyone's nice and cool we take our supplies under a shady tree on a blanket - alphabet blocks for the little ones, create-a-calendar for Kai and our read-aloud.

Everyone's busy!

I love these blocks - they have the letter and then a little something inside that starts with the letter - great for learning those letter sounds!

A happy baby!

Kai works on his calendar and I read him the last chapter of our book, The Hundred Dresses. Yes, I teared up a little at the end! These books are so good. They lead to some great conversations, too.

Time for a little snuggling!

Kai runs inside to see what our next scheduled read-aloud is and brings it outside to check it out - it's Johnny Appleseed. He's anxious to get started!

Some kisses from Jude

I love this boy.

Giggles.

He's still happy and talking away! I think he just loves being a part of it all.

We even manage to get some math done, too.

Way to go, Kai!

What a lovely afternoon. Time to go make dinner!

Photo Story Friday is here!

Gratitude

I'm lifting my heart in thankfulness and finding the gifts - sometimes obvious, sometimes hidden - in each day. Counting my way to 1,000....

24. Good sleep this weekend - it makes all the difference.
25. Short, cute haircuts on all my boys.
26. Sharing hot rooibos tea this morning with my boys.
27. A sweet gathering last night of people with hearts full of compassion, hearts ready to go, do, believe and see change. I love these people, handpicked by God for this time.
28. An amazing adventure on the horizon (more details coming soon).
29. Though things are uncertain, I have a great God in whom I can trust.
30. A sweet, sweet baby who loves to snuggle and makes people smile.
31. A Costa Rican driver's license in my hand!
32. Parts for our car arriving today in vans that drove down from California.
33. Saturday afternoon babysitters so my hubs and I could sneak out for a few hours together.
34. A new week! I continue learning, adjusting and getting into a rhythm with my children, myself, my life, my God.

Some Thoughts on Behavior

Does anyone remember this face that I posted awhile back?

For quite awhile it seemed like all I was getting from Ezra was anger, sadness, tantrums, crying, and fighting with his brothers and me. Talk about exhausting! I also posted some of my strategies - for sibling rivalry and anger. Well, I'm not sure what happened, if these strategies "worked" or what, but man I am seeing a huge difference in Ezra's behavior. This past week I have received countless spontaneous hugs and kisses and I've gone from "Bad Mommy" to "The Best Mommy in the Whole World." That sure feels good!

Sometimes with my kids I feel like things go in waves. They start to push and push to find that boundary line, testing to see how far they can go. Really I think they're trying to see how secure they are in these loving limits. It gets to the point where I start to think, "I can't take it anymore! I can't stand this kid, his behavior is out of control, something must be done!" And then, just when I feel that nothing I'm doing is working, it lets up. It's like he knows he's ok. He's safe in our love. The boundaries are there, he's found them to hold firm, they won't move and he can relax and breathe and be content and secure and happy once more. Phew!

I'm glad my snuggle bear is back. I know he never left, but I was starting to wonder!

Seven Years

I could never have imagined, seven years ago, how my life would be forever changed by this little boy. Since the moment he came into the world he has completely captivated me, taught me how to truly love and made my life richer, fuller and more purposeful. There's something about your firstborn - the one you make all your mistakes with as you stumblingly find your way as a new parent. But somehow they survive and thrive and grow - love covers a multitude of sins. I could never thank God enough for the gift of this child and my heart celebrates his seven years of life.
How do I describe him? He's shy, yet very social. Once you get to know him, he is a loyal friend. He's sensitive, kind, adventurous, but not reckless. He's cautious and careful and likes things to be in order. He has a low tolerance for pain and completely freaks out at the sight of blood. He's frequently seen reading books, skateboarding, riding his bike, climbing trees, laughing, wrestling, tumbling and recently eating A LOT.

He loves his brothers, even though at times they torment him. When he's mad he can throw a really good fit. But then there are those days when he says, "Mom, I have a surprise." And he's gone and cleaned his room up perfectly just to surprise me and his eyes light up as he grins so wide when he sees how pleased I am. I can't imagine my life without him.
What a whirlwind of a life you've had, Kai. In your short seven years you've lived in California, Africa, Singapore, Costa Rica and travelled to Malaysia, Panama, Nicaragua and Virginia. I know it's been hard for you, and you miss your family and would do so much better with a more stable life. But you're such a trooper and we're so thankful for God's grace to help you through all the hard transitions you've gone through. Happy Birthday, Kai! I love you more than I can say.


Oh, and I have to add this video. It's from his sleepover Birthday party this weekend, which was totally insane, (but so worth it) I'm still recovering from it!



Don't forget to visit Steady Mom for more 30 minute blog challenges. Ok, I'll admit this took me more than 30 minutes - It would have been, but then I got totally carried away on the photos!!!


also check out: Tuesdays Uwrapped

Today (in photos)

We started school outside in the morning.

Our reading materials. I have to comment on this Bible. I am not a huge fan of children's Bibles. I really like this one, though. It doesn't dumb-down the stories, it's very accurate and it doesn't add in a moral or a lesson, it just sticks to the text. I'm excited that we will read through the whole Bible this year as part of our curriculum.

His eyes looked so green this morning

Ezzy played with this little worm for quite awhile.

Koa was captivated by the light through the trees.

The sky started clouding over so we moved inside for languge arts. These letter blocks are great because all the kids can participate in their own way. Ezzy finds letters and tells me the letter sounds. Jude plays.

Kai makes words

For writing we used cornmeal (another idea from Tracie at: teaandchopsticks.wordpress.com).

Jude just played and made a mess

Ezzy too

Then I got a little crazy and poured some water into their cornmeal and it made a sticky, doughy substance that was even more fun to play with.

Ok, this may be kind of gross because of the amount of playing they did with the cornmeal, but I actually took their little cornmeal patties and fried them up for lunch! I figured it's their own germs they're eating, so it can't hurt them too much!

topped with cheese - they loved it.

For science we've been studying weather and today we made a weather vane.

a snuggle moment

What a day

Well, today was my first day back to homeschooling since having Koa and our first official day with Sonlight - our new curriculum. I think overall the day was positive but it was not without some tense moments.
This moment was a triumph. Kai was really giving me a hard time about doing any chores because he "just didn't want to." He finally made a good "choice" (I told him he could either do his chore quickly and we can move on to the next activity, or if not we could keep working on chores for the rest of the day). That kind of kicked him into gear and he actually went above and beyond what I asked him to do and was very proud of himself.

I have to include this picture because this is what I'm seeing a lot of these days with Ezzy. Actually taking this picture kind of snapped him out of this fit he was throwing, he was so surprised and then wanted to see his photo. Right now we're working on "Angry Choices." This is something that really worked with Kai at his age. Just knowing that it's ok to be angry - and there are things you can do when you're angry instead of hurting other people. I feel like I am saying the same thing over and over and over to him. I know he's going to get this - I have faith! Poor guy - it's tough to have such strong emotions and not know what to do with them.

Another struggle I have with Kai is writing - he does not like writing at all, especially any type of work with handwriting. I'm not sure what to do because he needs to be writing and he puts up a fight when it comes down to it. So we did this activity today - writing in shaving cream - bubbles and sticks. I think it really helped because a little later Kai sat down and did a whole page of handwriting. So hopefully this will get easier. I hope, I hope.

I love what I'm doing right now, but in those tense moments (for instance when every child is screaming or crying at the same time - last night at bath time this did actually happen) I sometimes seriously think I'm just going to lose it. I get frustrated, I get angry, I get irritated, I yell - and I know that is completely not productive or helpful in any way. Sigh. Luckily my kids have grace with me and we seem to pull through together and keep moving forward. In the end there's always lots of hugs and lots of love. No matter what has happened in the day, I can always count on laying down with Jude at bedtime and without fail he gives me a hug and kiss and says, "I love you so much mommy" over and over again. You can't beat that.

Tomorrow is a new day and a new adventure!