Infant Care

My fourth baby boy is turning one next week, so I think I have earned the right to share my advice about caring for an infant in the first year of life (a hot topic for moms, I know!).  Well, after having four infants I do have some distinct opinions about how to make the most of that precious first year that will come and go in the blink of an eye.

And that is my first piece of advice - this time goes so fast.  Don't waste the time focusing on the wrong things.  Throw away your watch, your clocks, your books telling you how to schedule your baby's sleep, eating and awake times.  Sound extreme?  Well, here's why I say that.  Those well-intentioned books are in reality killing your mother's heart.  There is nothing more natural than caring for an infant.  As long as they're intact, your natural instincts know what to do.  What feels right and good in your heart?  Do that. 

Advice #2 - Nurse your babies if at all possible.  It is not only the best food for them, but also an amazing source of comfort.  If you are nursing you always have a powerful way to comfort your baby when he is in distress.

Advice #3 - Hold and snuggle that baby as much as you possibly can.  Because before you know it, he'll be wiggling off your lap and crawling away to explore.  So enjoy those moments while you can!  You will NOT be spoiling him.  Actually, you'll be doing the exact opposite.  Through all that bonding and closeness you are laying the foundation for discipline - which is connection - and setting the stage for a fabulous time with a connected two year old. 

Advice #4 - Let child development guide you.  Erikson says that in the first year of life babies are learning trust and if that is learned correctly, they develop the attribute of hope.  Every time the baby cries and you meet his need he learnes to trust.  He learns the world is a good place and his conscience is developed through this process.  When he cries and his need is not met, he learns the opposite - despair.  I've got to take care of myself.  I'm on my own. I can't trust in others.  To me this learning process is what's most important in this time - not how often he feeds or how many hours he sleeps or how perfectly timed his naps are (which, by the way, sorts itself out quite naturally and settles into a steady rhythm all on it's own).

*a note about "self-soothing" - it is not learned through crying themselves to sleep.  It is learned over time as they are soothed by someone who loves them.  When babies cry themselves to sleep they are not self-soothing, they are giving up hope.

So, above all, enjoy every moment because before you know it's over and you can never go back.  Be true to yourself and,

"Let love be your highest goal."  1 Corinthians 14:1

More information here:
On Babywise:  Regrets...I've had a few @SortaCrunchy
On Sleep Training:  Crying it out:  10 reasons why it is not for us @PhDinParenting

quotable

Jude:  "Wet's pway someting."

"I don't wike girls... but I wike you."

Ezzy:  Mommy, I wish we were people that buyed expensive stuff.

Me:  Like what?

Ezzy:  Like chocolate cookies that are expensive and cereal that is expensive.

Ezra sings a lot. He has this funny little deep pitched voice and his songs come out more like a chant that he repeats over and over.  Here are a few of his lyrics:

"Why would a momma chase an elephant?" (repeat over and over)

"I love God.

He's so strong and mighty and He has all the powers in the world

oooh... yeah....

I love God.

He's so awesome.

He can save us from all the bad guys in the world.

Oh....

My brothers hit me sometimes.

And it hurts so bad.

Just like God dying on the cross."

"Even when we're fighting and being mean to each other, God still loves you."

"I got lost in the woods.

My mom and dad couldn't find me.

It was so sad.

I couln't find the end of the jungle.

And my mom and dad couldn't find me." 

I overheard Jude and Ezra talking.  Jude was telling Ezra, "Mommy's my best friend."

Ezra holding a straw and waving it at Koa who is crawling on the floor.  He looks at me and says, "I'm training him."

When cups are full

There's a beautiful description of attachment in Playful Parenting.  The author uses an analogy of cups being filled up or emptied out.  Whenever we meet our children's needs in a loving, caring way we are filling up their cup.  Love, attention, affection, connection and playing are all things that fill them up. 

At the same time things happen every day that empty children's cups - disappoinments, failures, frustrations, pressures, friends, siblings and our own reactions/actions as parents can leave kids running 1/2 full or even on empty. 

You can begin to recognize when children's cups are leaky or even empty.  Disorganized behavior, aggression, recklessness, mean-ness on end of the spectrum or excessive fearfulness and timidity on the other side are all symptoms of cups running low. 

When children's cups are full they will exhibit true confidence and security.  With a full cup children are able to be kind, cooperative and compassionate.  We can view behaviors and discipline in light of these cups.  The best way to change negative behavior is to provide a refill!

So in light of this, the job of parenting can be described as continually filling our children's cups.  Isn't that beautiful and at the same time terrifying? 

The book left one important question un-answered.  Where do we as parents get this love to pour onto our children?  Do you ever feel that you're running on empty yourself?  I sure do!  And we go looking to fill our cups in all the wrong places.  Listen to this in Jeremiah 2:13

"My people have committed two sins:

They have forsaken me,

the spring of living water,

and have dug their own cisterns,

broken cisterns that cannot hold water." 

There's only One Source that will truly satisfy.  The Fountain of Living Water.  We have to be filled with this love from Above each and every day.  And the job of parenting can then be described as taking this water and pouring the love of God over our children. 

simplify

I just read a packet that  friend gave me about Thomas Jefferson Education.  I won't get into all the details of that now, but one piece of advice really hit home for me and I spent the week applying it.  And here it is:

The three greatest destroyers of motherly mentoring are cleaning, cooking and chauferring.  Yep, that sounds about right!  Some days I feel I'm spending the entire day cleaning and cooking and managing the house - and it's still a mess!  How many times do my kids actually ask me to read them a book and I say, not now, I need to do this or that - dishes, laundry, straighten up, you name it.  Something is wrong with that picture and I can say my homeschool is definitely suffering because of it.  Here are a few more quotes:

You need to choose between your stuff and your education. 

Too much stuff in the home clogs up the education of everyone who lives there.  Managing your stuff takes time, effort, resources, space, and above all brain cells to keep track of it all - even unconsciously.  Lighten your load and free up those brain cells - we need every brain cell we've got!

Extra stuff around the house consistently and very silently robs energy, time and focus from your education and time with kids. 

Great education is greatly impacted by its surroundings, and cleaning them up will open relationships and learning pathways that are now dormant.

With much less things cluttering the home - you can spend less time cleaning.

So this week I did a major clean up and simplifying in our home.  Instead of academics we focused on cleaning, chores, and training the boys how to put their things away and help keep the house in order. 

It feels really good and manageable now - like a weight lifted off.  I'm happy with the results and am spending more time with the boys.

The boys enjoying their new study space

Have you simplified lately?  What were your strategies?

{this moment} bath time

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. 

the many faces of Koa



the 'ooooo' face



the chubby cheeks face

the confident explorer face

the, 'here we go' face

the 'here, have a leaf' face

the, 'hey guys, can you hear me?' face

the, 'hi Jude, whatcha doin?' face

the, 'hey, wait for me!!!' face

the 'hmmmmm.....' face

the, 'I can do this' face

the, 'I'm checking out these leaves" face

the 'I'm just the sweetest baby in the world' face

another 'oooooo' face, because I can't get enough of it.

the over-the-shoulder cuteness face

the silly grin

the, 'Woa, what was that??" face

the, 'Wow this is fun!' face

the, 'this world is amazing' face

I love him.

a week in San Jose

Sometimes God has surprises for us.  This week was one of those for me.  We went to San Jose to take part in a seminar on marriage and family.  It was a really special time for Scott and me to take time out and focus on what's really important.  Here are some highlights:

While Scott and I were in class, the kids worked on building a club house.

They found scraps from all the construction going on around the base.

They worked together to build their club.

Phew, it's hard work!

Making music with Scott during a rainy afternoon before dinner.



What joy!  I got to hold my little sleeping Koa through the morning sessions.



 Jack Kody shared about marriage and parenting.

It's been so long since I've been able to just sit and receive, I can't believe this actually worked out!

Jude took time out from playing for a nap with mom, too!

Meanwhile, on Friday the finishing touches were being made.

...and - the club house is finished!

yay!

The boys also had fun on the skateboard ramps each day.

Ezzy skateboarding.

Lemuel thinks my boys are his "primos," - cousins!  So cute!

The best part?  No cooking or cleaning or dishes ALL WEEK!  I love the food on the base!


I think we all needed this more than we knew.

and I thought I had nothing to say...

One year ago today I started this blog.  I was hesitant to start it because I really didn't know what I would possibly come up with to write about.  I thought it would be pretty boring.  But, I was just craving a little space to share my experiences, especially embarking on this new adventure of homeschool and having 4 boys.  Well, needless to say I have come up with lots to talk about, and amazingly YOU have actually read it!

Thanks for following along, for your comments and encouragement.  It's been fun - and a much needed outlet for me.  My friend Tracie expressed it perfectly - being a verbal processor, and being at home so much now, it really helps me to write things out.  When in doubt about my capabilities as mom and teacher, it helps me to see the pictures and words and realize, yes, we are getting things done, we're learning, we're growing, see - things aren't so bad afterall!  And to get that feedback and encouragement in comments?  It's a definite boost!

And so, reflecting on a full year of blogging, here are a few of my favorite posts from the past year (in no particular order):

Learning to Enjoy

A Homeschool Afternoon

What I Love So Far
 
Koa

Our Learning Lately

Crayon Melting Madness

Playdough Fun

Help for Writing

Today (in photos)

A Better Day

Spontaneous Math

Peacemakers

This Gave Me a Really Good Chuckle Today

My Night

Friendship

My Little Surfers

What a year it's been.  A new baby, a big move, and a new adventure in homeschooling.  Now I'm looking into Blog2Print to see about making this into a memory book because this little site has turned into something really special to me.

So to my readers that have their own blog - what's been your own favorite post this year?  Leave a link for me in the comments, I'd love to check it out~!

Feeling Powerless

I'm sharing Playful Parenting techniques from my journal again today. ( Here, here and here are previous posts I've written on the topic).

Scenario 1:

Today the boys were playing with a belt.  Kai was pulling it while Ezra and Jude pulled the other way.  It was a fun game at first until Ezra got really frustrated and started crying and yelling at Kai.  I was coming over to help them sort the whole thing out when I decided to try another tactic. 

I grabbed the belt and ran, "Try to get me!"  At first Ezra looked at me angrily.  Kai and Jude were giggling and began to chase me.  Soon Ezra was giggling, too.  He chased me and I let him get the belt from me.  He threw it behind the couch declaring it to be in "cortis" (timeout in Costa Rica).  I began to sob really loud.  The boys were cracking up.  Kai came in with another belt which ended up in "cortis" too, behind the couch.  I sobbed again.  More laughs.  Then I said, "Let's have a snack."  And everyone went giggling happily to the table.

Imagine if you took all the time you now spend fussing at siblings to stop fighting, and you spent it playing with them.  What would happen?  I bet they'd fight less, enjoy each other more, and you'd have fun, too.  A great game for siblings is to grab the thing they are fighting over and run."

"If you think about what makes children giggle, often it's when reality is suspended and roles are reversed.  These are giggles of liberation as they are freeing themselves from worries, fears, and especially from feeling powerless over their lives.  They laugh, and their world is set right again."

Scenario 2:

Ezra was having a tough morning - crying over everything, getting angry, frustrated, not playing happily with his brothers.  We were outside looking at our hermit crabs.  Jude went inside to get them water.  He came back with a cupful and poured it into their bowl.  Ezra got mad because he wanted to pour it, not jude.  He bumped the habitat so Jude would spill and then laughed at him.  I asked him to stop because that was mean.  He sat on the floor and started crying. 

"When children are being mean, they are often sending us a signal that they are in need of more love and affection.  The problem is that we may not feel very inclined to offer much affection to children who have been mean, or sassy, or difficult.  Perhaps that's why children feel as if love is a scarce commodity sometimes.  If we get over our reluctance to give out love to children who have been "bad," then it won't be scarce anymore."

"Let's play a game!" I said.  We started with Go-Fish, but it wasn't going so well.  So we turned it into a huge memory game.  Kai got bored and drifted off to read, which was perfect because it gave me a chance to engage with Ezra.  "Let's play the game where Ezra gets all the matches!"  "Yeah!"  So Ezra went around and found all the matches with me cheering for him and calling him the Super-Match Man.  Yay!  And then we went to have a big glass of orange juice (Ezzy's favorite).  Now I see a major change in Ezra's behavior.  He's playing happily with Jude like the sweet, creative, silly, imaginative boy that he is!

"Some parents fear that letting their children play this way will leave them unprepared for the cold, cruel world of their peers.  Other children, after all, would never let them get away with such selfishness.  On the contrary, being in charge of the play and the rules fills children's cup (their need for love and security)- and that refill then leaves them more able to play happily on a level playing field with their peers.  It also helps them play out their tensions and upsets about the confusing world of games, rules, and competition." 

A lot of these ideas are really new to me.  I feel like as a mom I've been carrying a lot of stress and it's hard for me to just loosen up and be silly.  More often than not I'm cracking the whip, so to speak.  But I'm finding the benefits are incredible. So let's get down on the floor and play, laugh and have fun with our kids this week - and see what could happen!