What to Do When You Have a Baby

"So here you are with your eggs in one basket.  What are you going to do about it?  Well, enjoy yourself!  Enjoy being thought important.  Enjoy letting other people look after the world while you are producing a new one of its members.  Enjoy being turned-in and almost in love with yourself, the baby is so nearly part of you.  Enjoy the way in which your man feels responsible for the welfare of you and your baby.  Enjoy finding out new things about yourself.  Enjoy having more right than you have ever had before to do just what you feel is good.  Enjoy all sorts of womanly feelings that you cannot even start to explain to a man.  Particularly, I know you will enjoy the signs that gradually appear that the baby is a person, and that you are recognized as a person by the baby.

Enjoy all this for your own sake, but the pleasure which you can get out of the messy business of infant care happens to be vitally important from the baby's point of view.  The baby does not want to be given the correct feed at the correct time so much as to be fed by someone who loves feeding her own baby.  The baby takes for granted all things like the softness of the clothes and having the bath water at the right temperature.  What cannot be taken for granted is the mother's pleasure that goes with the clothing and bathing of her own baby.  If you are there enjoying it all, it is like the sun coming out, for the baby."

-D.W. Winnicott, The Child, The Family And The Outside World (Classics in Child Development)

Amazing night

I love the spontaneity of living here. I never know what each day will hold.  The other night Scott called me, "There's a turtle on the beach, I'm driving by - get the boys and jump in the car."  Sure enough, about one minute later we were jumping into our '98 Chevy Astro and booking it the short three blocks to the beach.  Scott drove right out onto the compacted sand, we ran through the misty rain and this is what we found.  

It's turtle season in Costa Rica, so every night mommy turtles are coming up onto beaches everywhere to lay their eggs.  There was a man working with a turtle reserve not too far away and he was looking out for this one.  After she dug her hole and settled in, the boys moved closer to see the eggs dropping into the hole.

After she finished laying her eggs, she moved her flippers and covered the hole with sand.  Then she rocked back and forth and did a little dance to smooth the hole to make sure her eggs were covered and safe.  When she moved away she had done such a good job you couldn't even tell anything had happened there.  Then she turned around and headed back to the ocean.

There she is, swimming away.  She is an Olive Ridley Sea Turtle for those interested.  (My camera battery was basically dead - it was really hard to get pictures!)

After she left, the man from the turtle reserve went back to dig up the turtle eggs.  They would not be safe on the beach here in Jaco, so he takes the eggs over to the reserve, protects them and then releases them back into the wild when they hatch.  The man from the reserve only had two gloves, but he let the boys take turns digging up the eggs and placing them into a plastic bag.

We counted 116 eggs!  Isn't that incredible?  Kai was especially thrilled to do this.  When he saw the turtle laying eggs he was very concerned.  He told me he was thinking right away about the eggs getting destroyed.  He was remembering another scene from a few weeks ago, talking to a homeless man.

The homeless man said he was laying on the beach at night and watched a turtle lay her eggs.  He was hungry so when the turtle went back into the ocean, he dug up the nest and ate the eggs.  Kai watched him squeeze lime onto an egg and eat it right before his eyes.  So I'm pretty sure that's why he was worried about this mommy turtle. 

It's for reasons like these that the Hermosa Beach turtle reserve is working to conserve these turtles and their nests.  The man from the reserve said they have already cleared over 150 nests from Jaco beach and taken them to the reserve.  It was really exciting to be a part of the conservation efforts and help to save this mommy turtles' eggs!   I was just having visions of my boys all working as little ecologists. 

Another thought, I was just reading in a book about the importance and spirituality of caring for creation.  The author was saying that, "Modern men and women have lost their connection with creation.  We're always insulated from it by shoe leather, cotton-polyester, glass, metal, plastic, HVAC, and screens of many kinds!  ...I can't help but believe our souls are starved for the company of God's creatures." 

He goes on to say, "If I could live another life, I think I would devote it to ecology, because I also believe that this is a truly spiritual and Christian work.  Genesis begins with our mandate to take care of God's creation, and never has our failure to do so been more acute than now.  Learning to live as caretakers of creation and friends to fellow creatures must be at the core of Christianity."  Interesting, huh?

quotable

Jude:  "Wet's pway someting."

"I don't wike girls... but I wike you."

Ezzy:  Mommy, I wish we were people that buyed expensive stuff.

Me:  Like what?

Ezzy:  Like chocolate cookies that are expensive and cereal that is expensive.

Ezra sings a lot. He has this funny little deep pitched voice and his songs come out more like a chant that he repeats over and over.  Here are a few of his lyrics:

"Why would a momma chase an elephant?" (repeat over and over)

"I love God.

He's so strong and mighty and He has all the powers in the world

oooh... yeah....

I love God.

He's so awesome.

He can save us from all the bad guys in the world.

Oh....

My brothers hit me sometimes.

And it hurts so bad.

Just like God dying on the cross."

"Even when we're fighting and being mean to each other, God still loves you."

"I got lost in the woods.

My mom and dad couldn't find me.

It was so sad.

I couln't find the end of the jungle.

And my mom and dad couldn't find me." 

I overheard Jude and Ezra talking.  Jude was telling Ezra, "Mommy's my best friend."

Ezra holding a straw and waving it at Koa who is crawling on the floor.  He looks at me and says, "I'm training him."

Emotions in kids

I'm working my way through, Playful Parenting, and journaling some of my experiences.  I thought I would share straight out of my journal with you this week! 

Scenario 1:

Today we went to our neighbor's birthday party.  Kai was invited to stay over longer with the bigger kids after the party.  Ezra didn't notice until we got home and he asked, "Where is Kai?"  I explained to him that Kai was invited to stay.  Ezra proceeded to burst into tears and sob and sob.  He wanted Kai to come home and play with him; he wanted to go back over, too.  I think deep down he just wanted to be included.  "I NEVER GET TO DO WHAT I WANT!"  Tears and sadness. 

I was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen.  I wanted him to just stop and play with Jude who was happily playing with cars.  His crying and fussing was so irritating to me.  "I don't want to play with Jude!!!"  I wiped my hands and sat on a stool and pulled Ezzy onto my lap.  I held him and scratched his back while he cried and cried.  I echoed his feelings to him and told him I understood how he felt.  Keeping myself calm and comforting while wondering, Will this crying ever stop?

All-of-a-sudden he stopped crying and looked at me with bright eyes.  "Let's bounce a ball on a blanket!  Like one of our soccer balls!"  I suggested a beach ball.  His face lit up.  "Oh yeah!  That would be better!"  he went to get the beach ball.  I got a blanket and roped in Jude and Scott.  We all stood there laughing and bouncing the ball around, for only a few minutes.  Then Ezzy and Jude drifted off to go play together. 

"Many people will do anything to get the crying to stop:  bribe, threaten, tease, plead, scold, send the child away, give in to unreasonable demands.  If we just accept the feelings and let them flow, they don't cause half as much fuss.  And after the tears are really done, everyone feels better."

"Tears are good.  When we release grief and loss and sadness through crying, we generally feel much better, think more clearly, and recover.  These benefits are especially true when we cry with someone who is caring and empathic."

Scenario 2:

Almost time to go out the door - change clothes, eat dinner quickly.  I'm going to my Bible study.  "Why do you always have to go?" says Kai in a very whiny voice.  It feels like such a selfish question.  It's the one thing I do - the only time I ever leave them.  And Kai - the oldest - is fussing about it.  I'm trying to make dinner quickly and Kai starts crying.  Arrgh.  Ok, Leslie, Stop.  Deep breaths.  He's crying - give him comfort - he feels sad.  I remind myself of this because I don't feel very compassionate about his tears at that moment.  So I go in his room and hold him on my lap, just hugging him.  He's so stiff and not very snuggly - but he needs it as much as the others.  Finally through the sobs, it comes out - it's not really about me leaving, it's about something else that happened in the day.  We talk it through.  Now he's fine, ready to hop off and play.  I hold on a little longer - make sure it's all out.  And he's fine again - happier than ever!

"Emotions don't come from nowhere.  It is presumptuous for us to decide which tears to be compassionate about and which ones to dismiss."

"We can cry alone, but it is so much more healing to cry on someone's shoulder.  That's why I recommend that parents not send their children to their rooms to cry alone, or leave them alone to cry themselves to sleep.  It is more time-consuming to stay with them, to help them let out their feelings of loneliness and sadness, but those feelings don't just go away because we shut the door on them."

"If I limit myself to one piece of advice to adults about children's crying, it is this:  Please do not send them off alone to cry.  Tears can be a tremendous opportunity for strengthening a connection between any two people, but especially between parent and child."

One last thought

I wanted to share one last bit out of A Mother's Heart.

Drying the dishes one afternoon, I felt trapped.  The children were being especially raucous, and I felt irritated.  They seemed to rub against each other like sandpaper, and a tone of disharmony prevailed.  "What's wrong with them?" I asked as I became more annoyed.

Then I paused and considered myself.  Had I set the unpleasant tone?  Had I been impatient and unkind in my dealings with them?  Had I given them any undivided attention that day?

Gradually, I saw that I was not an innocent victim held captive by a bunch of hooligans.  I was part of the problem, perhaps even the originator of the problem.  How could I turn things around?  I hung up my dish towel and focused my attention on them.

I gathered up several library books and a blanket, and we all climbed onto the couch and covered our legs with the blanket.  I read to them for only half an hour, but the closeness and warmth changed the tone.  No further action was necessary.  I didn't have to correct or lecture them.  It was enough to change my attitude.

To be wise, every woman must start with herself (p. 67-678). 

I was having a really tough morning with Kai the other day when this scene from the book popped in my head.  It actually took extreme effort on my part, but I stopped engaging in the conflict with my children, gathered books and pulled the children onto the couch with me.  We read this book that my sister-in-law gave me.

It did the trick!  Just reading and being together calmed everyone down.  Kai went back to his school work with renewed energy and enthusiasm.  He chose one of the verses in this book to do for his copywork and I copied some of the scriptures that he liked to hang on his wall.

A true gift

You can be physically present and still not make a positive contribution to your children. You can be there, but not be all there. Your mind can be a million miles away, your energy and your ambitions drained by other pursuits. You can focus your attention on your "do list," the television, a good book, or decorating your home, and be oblivious to your child's needs. You may be too busy or too preoccupied to make a significant difference.

 - A Mother's Heart: A Look at Values, Vision, and Character for the Christian Mother

"Rings and jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts.  The only true gift is a portion of thyself."

-Emerson

embracing my limitations

I'm sharing my thoughts from A Mother's Heart: A Look at Values, Vision, and Character for the Christian Mother this week.  This quote is one that hit home with me.

...we sometimes view our children as a hindrance to our involvement in God's plan. Anyone who has tried to lead a Bible study while keeping a toddler entertained or counsel a distraught friend while a baby cries in the background knows how difficult it can be. We need to remind ourselves and each other that our family is our primary ministry and not a frustrating obstacle to "real" ministry.

This is a good reminder for me.  I'm in a season of saying no, staying home and focusing on these little ones.  It's not what I necessarily imagined I would be doing.  Sometimes I have moments where I think about my giftings and talents, things I'm good at that I'm not doing.  It can be a little frustrating.  I'll hear of a need in church or somewhere and think, "I could do that."  And then remember, no, I can't do that, not now.  Maybe later.  I don't know when.  I don't know when this season will end.  I'm sure at some point I'll feel able to add something to my plate, little by little possibly as the children become more independent.

In the meantime I am determined not to miss out on this precious time while I'm at home.  I want to make the most of it because I know it won't last forever.  That's part of the reason I do this blog.  To visually see the things we're doing,  document these days, share the successes and triumphs, get encouragement through the tough times and find a connection.  Thanks for reading along, by the way, and sharing in our journey!

It is encouraging to view this season with purpose and excitement.  Here's something to remember when the day seems to be dragging.

The aspect of mothering that excites me most is knowing I am making a permanent difference in my children's lives. I am a woman of influence. I impart values, stimulate creativity, develop compassion, modify weaknesses, and nurture strengths. I can open life up to another individual. and I can open an individual up to life.

When I read my child a story I am doing far more than entertaining him. I am expanding his world with language, words, thoughts, and imagination.

When I sit beside my child's bed at night to talk and pray, I'm doing far more than cultivating a bedtime ritual. I'm tuning in to what he is thinking, catching up on his day, listening for fears, hopes, and questions. This personal time gives me an opportunity to point him to the Lord Jesus Christ and His relevance to the situations my child faces.

Another confession

I have another confession. I have a slight obsession with parenting books. I'm not quite sure why. I think first and foremost because the topic of children is one that has always interested me. It's what I studied in college and went to graduate school for. Now as a parent I am very intrigued with the way people parent their children. I'm interested in what other people do, what works for them, what they suggest and what the results are. 

Another reason I turn to these books is when I get to a frustration point with my children. When nothing I'm doing seems to be working, I want a quick fix. I want someone to just tell me what to do, really. So I start diving in looking for answers. This way never works, though. Because the reality is, there is no magic formula for parenting. There are no answers, and there is no one you can turn to to tell you, as the mom, what to do with your own children. Sure, a lot of these books proclaim to offer all the answers and if you follow their step-by-step instructions you will have perfectly behaved children. Sounds good, right? Of course it does.

I love what Donald Miller has to say about our human desire to search for a magic formula for life.

"I looked on my shelf at all the self-help books I happened to own... and I realized none of them actually helped me that much. All the promises of fulfillment really didn't work. My life was fairly normal before I read them, meaning I had good days and bad days, and then my life was fairly normal after I read them too, meaning I still had good days and bad days. It made me wonder, honestly, if such a complex existence as the one you and I are living can really be broken down into a few steps. It seems if there was a formula to fix life, Jesus would have told us what it was."

Ba bam.

And then he goes on and says later on,

"I know there are people who have actually gone from misery to happiness, but they didn't do it by walking through three steps; they did it because they had a certain set of parents and heard a certain song and knew somebody who had a certain experience and saw some movie, read some book, had something happen to them like a car wreck or a trip to Seattle. Then they called on God, and a week later read something in a magazine or met a girl in Wichita, and when all this happened they had an epiphany, and somebody may have helped them fulfill what this epiphany made them feel, and several years later they rationalized this mystic experience with three steps, then they told the three steps to us in a book. I'm not saying they weren't trying to be helpful; I bring this up only because life is complex, and the idea that you can break it down or fix it in a few steps is rather silly.

The truth is there are a million steps, and we don't even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and me and they are always changing. I have come to believe the sooner we find this truth beautiful, the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us not to rely on easy answers, bullet points, magic mantras, or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy, and His love."

And really that's what it comes down to. When I reach that wall, that frustration point. The ONLY one who can tell me what to do, guide me, direct me, and above all CHANGE MY HEART, (which is really the only thing that will bring about change in the situation), is God, and He does have the answers I seek.

Having said all that, I still do like parenting books. I haven't just tossed them out the window because they don't offer all that they claim to. I like to read them because I find good ideas in them. Maybe something I haven't tried before. Or maybe something that I already know, but a good reminder, like a pep talk from a coach. A chapter here, a chapter there keeps my thoughts fresh, helps keep me focused on being the mom that I want to be.

Recently I actually got my husband to read a book with me. I am so happy about this. We're already over half-way through it, and he's reading it aloud to me in the evening. The thing I like the most about this is not the actual book itself, but the way it causes Scott and I to start dialoguing. Talking about how we were brought up, or things we do that we want to change, or what we could do differently or better. Reading together helps us to have these conversations that we wouldn't naturally have.

The book talks about Honor-based parenting. I really like that concept. I like the idea of teaching our children honor. That we honor each other in our daily lives, in how we interact with each other.

We're doing something fun right now that we call the "Honor Challenge" We made a poster and wrote down all the things that are honoring behavior. Respect, Listening, Obedience, Kindness, Love, Politeness, Helpfulness, etc.  Then we wrote each persons name and a place for stickers. The rule is you can't give yourself a sticker, or ask for a sticker for yourself. You have to look around at everyone in the family and give other people stickers when you see them do something honoring. It's so much fun to see the boys running to give each other stickers when someone shares, or is kind, or polite. And we're working together. When we fill up our stickers we'll go get a pizza or ice cream as a whole family for a special treat. The reason we're doing this is because our children are still so little and it helps to make the concepts of honor more concrete. It helps them to be aware and see and recognize honoring behavior.

So I'm glad I'm reading that book because it brought my attention to honor. Sure, it lists seven steps to transform your family, that probably won't actually transform my family. Instead we'll probably grow and change "slowly and with time, the way a tree grows by a river," as the Holy Spirit works in us. But focusing on honor and teaching our children these concepts is still a great thing to do.

 

 

Some thoughts on hospitality

Our line of work involves a lot of hospitality. We are in a very relational ministry in which we open our lives and our home to others. Throw 4 children and homeschooling into the mix and things can get a little crazy! For example, here's a little peek at last week: Sunday = 5 people for dinner and meeting (pizza), Tues = 3 for dinner (pasta), Wed = dinner and community meeting at the base, Thursday = 13 at our house for morning classes (egg bake and brownies), 2 for dinner (rice, fish and veggies) and 12 later for a movie, Friday = 12 in the morning and later on a mom + her 2 boys, whose husband is out of town spent the night with us and most of Saturday, too. Each of these events was also completely spontaneous!

My "goal" of hospitality is to offer a nice, relaxing, orderly environment to welcome people into so they can enjoy, share, receive and be blessed. Honestly, I've had to drop this "ideal," because the reality is it can't always happen. But, truly, an open heart to love and bless others can go a long way. I've learned to open my door and let others in even when things are a mess, slightly chaotic and maybe when they walk through the door I'm stirring a pot with a baby strapped to me, sweating like a pig and wearing sweat pants.

Sure, this is not my ideal, this is not perfect hospitality, but this is my reality - this is where I'm at. I can try as hard as I can to appear to others that I "have it all together," and I will fail miserably. I just literally cannot stay on top of everything.

So, when Scott calls at 5:00 pm and says he's bringing 3 people up for dinner, I know that those people are more important than the state of my home or the quality of food we will eat. Here's a quote from Karen's Main's book, "Open Heart, Open Home." She talks about entertainment vs. hospitality. I had never really thought of it this way.

"Entertainment says, 'I want to impress you with my beautiful home, my clever decorating, my gourmet cooking.' Hospitality, however, seeks to minister. It says, 'This home is not mine. It is truly a gift from my Master. I am his servant, and I use it as he desires.' Hospitality does not try to impress, but to serve" (p. 29).

"Working hard to keep people from recognizing our weak points, we also prevent them from loving us in our weakness. Because hospitality has put away its pride, it doesn't care if other people see our humanness" (p.30).

Believe me, people are definitely seeing my humanness right now! But what a joy to share, welcome friends and build new friendships. It's an honor and a privilege. I'm learning humility and it's really good for me.

So, naturally, I'm thinking about a lot of these things as we're searching for a new home in Jaco. What kind of home will we have? What will we do in this home? What will hospitality look like? The uncertainty and transition is excruciating for me. Especially as momma bear instincts kick in, wanting to have a secure environment for my 4 little ones.

A friend emailed me some words of wisdom, " I truly believe deep down that all ministry starts at home – our lives, our marriages, our children, our family – these are the greatest gifts we will give. More than Jaco needs a ministry, Jaco needs you – your thoughtful heart, your dedication to the four little ones entrusted to your care, your strong beliefs in attachment and life. So finding a lifegiving place to live and be is perhaps the first pivotal decision, ministry will flow from that. So take a deep breath, and let God lead you to where He wants you to be for this season."

Amen to that. There has to be balance. I can offer hospitality to people, but if I don't offer it to my own husband and children first, it will have zero impact - and can even be detrimental. Hospitality has to begin in my heart, with my own family, and out of that it can flow to others. So as we search for a new home I'm reflecting on what it means to have a home. I'm also searching to align my priorities and to make sure I have things in the right order.

What about you? I'd love to hear others' thoughts on hospitality.

Open Heart, Open Home: The Hospitable Way to Make Others Feel Welcome and Wanted

Outside Play

I'm having trouble rounding my kids up for school. The weather is absolutely beautiful! Plus it is still summer break for Costa Rican children and all the neighbors are climbing trees, riding bikes and just having fun outside. I'm taking comfort in this quote from Charlotte Mason,

"the claims of the schoolroom should not be allowed to encroach on the child's right to long hours daily for exercise and investigation...Vigorous healthful play is, in its turn, fully as important as lessons, as regards both bodily health and brain-power."

Kai and his friend Luca riding bikes and trikes

Kai lost his first tooth today!!!

This post was written in less than 30 minutes as part of the mom's 30 minute blog challenge. Click here to find out more about that: Steady Mom

A new approach

I never realized how much math you can do through playing with leggo blocks! Math is an area I've been struggling with Kai and myself - just not knowing how to teach it and basically all I've done is have him do a few work book pages each day - which he always resists. So, I picked back up Ruth Beechick's book, "The Three R's" and read the Arithmetic section.

She talks about three modes of thinking - the Manipulative Mode (working problems with real objects), the Mental Image Mode (the child imagines objects in his head and works out problems using those images), and finally Abstraction Mode (children can think about an abstraction such as 'four' without having to picture 4 plates, 4 dots on a domino, etc.) She says on p. 88,

"They must become proficient in [manipulation mode] as a preparation for other modes to follow. This thinking - this actual experience with objects - is the foundation upon which all later arithmetic understandings are build. Thus, we must teach young children in the manipulation mode. Failure to do this is probably the greatest single cause of children's arithmetic difficulties. It is why people grow up with Arithmetic Anxiety."

Wow! So, I'm definitely realizing I need to spend some time working with real objects and real life situations. So on Tuesday for math we got out the blocks and sat on a blanket under a tree. There is so much math you can do with blocks! Kai counted to 100 several times on his own initiative.

Kai counting

Then we started seeing how many blocks he could fit onto certain blocks. It started getting complex - even into multiplication concepts - but Kai was going with it! Then we measured each other.

Measuring each other

Finally we sorted all the blocks into colors. All the kids helped with this and we talked the whole time about which pile was the biggest, smallest, etc. etc.

Sorting

Finally we build a castle with each color. Here's our end result (Kai took the pictures).

Color castles

Meanwhile, school has been on hold the last 3 days due to the weather - the weather is tooo beautiful! Plus the Costa Rican children are still on summer break, so all the neighbors are playing outside and I think it would be cruelty if I kept my kids in. So they are running, playing and enjoying the beautiful sunshine.

It Worked!

I've been trying to apply some of the principles of "Siblings Without Rivalry." The fighting is driving me up the wall - something must be done! Here are five steps outlined in the book (there are other steps when the situation is potentially dangerous or really difficult to resolve):

1. Start by acknowledging the children's anger towards each other. That alone should help calm them.
2. Listen to each child's side with respect.
3. Show appreciation for the difficulty of the problem.
4. Express faith in their ability to work out a mutually agreeable solution.
5. Leave the room.

So here's one scenario from today:

Ezzy: Screaming. It's that close-to-a-tantrum kind of scream.

I walk into the room and Kai has the little foam couch and is hiding in it. Ezra grabs it. Kai lunges for Ezra, grabs the couch back and returns to hiding in it. Ezra continues screaming. Uh oh - volatile situation!

Me: Ezzy, you want to use the couch?
Ezzy stops screaming long enough to nod.
Me: Kai, you do too, right?
Kai grunts in agreement from inside his hiding place.
Me: Hmmm... two kids who both want to use the couch. That's really tough. I bet if you work together you can come up with a solution that's fair to each of you.

Then I left the room.

This is what I heard as I was changing Koa's diaper.

Kai: Ok, come on Ezzy, I have an idea. We can go in the living room and build a fort. It's going to be really cool.
Ezra: no.
Kai went on describing the fort and trying to convince Ezra. Ezra was so worked up he wasn't going to come around easily. They continued arguing for a little bit and then next thing I knew both boys were happily walking to the living room to build a fort together.

Success!

Here the happy brothers are playing in their fort together.

I cannot believe it actually worked!!! Now if I can just be consistent and continue to do this. It's hard. I really like this idea from the book. The authors say:

Basically we try not to interfere, but when we must step in, it's always with the thought that at the earliest possible moment we want to turn the children back to dealing with each other. We want them to experience themselves as solvers of problems. That's the best preparation we can give them for the rest of their lives (p. 174).

14 days ago...

...a new little life was brought into the world, placed in my arms and knit into our family. He completely captivates me with his tiny little hands and feet, curious eyes and contented sighs. So sweet! It's been an intense 2 weeks for our family. The three older boys are adjusting to a new brother and all the emotions that go along with that. With 'mommy' out of commission and my attention no longer fully theirs I am on the alert for acting out and behaviors. My mom was here the first week with us. She cooked all our meals and showered Kai, Ezzy and Jude with love and attention. I feel like I was living in a blurry haze of late night feedings, diaper changes and pain pills.






Now that she's left Scott's mom, Aunt Carrie and Cousin Angela have stepped in. Angela is the official Auntie and cook doing all our meals. The two grandma's are on duty reading stories, playing board games, supervising tree climbs and skateboarding.





I see my boys just thriving with all this extra attention and it's filling in the gaps so I can rest, recover and just enjoy this special time with Koa. I'm so thankful for my family!

One of the beautiful things about having a fourth child is the confidence of knowing what I want to do. Throughout the last 7 years of having babies I've read a wide range of books on infant care - from Dr. Sears to Babywise, Dr. Dobson to Dr. Spock. All of these books have different theories and recommendations. After trying many of them and sifting through the information overload I've come to a place of mothering from my heart with a mindset of having no regrets. I've found that I love co-sleeping. I love having this little one right by side - and I'm sleeping better than I've slept in months! I love to just confidently follow my instincts and do what I feel - it makes it such an enjoyable and relaxing experience.



I know I'm crazy, but even though this is my time to rest and recover certain worries and concerns start to fill my head surrounding homeschooling. I start to doubt. It feels weird to keep my kids at home when everyone else's kids are in school. Especially in this culture where it is actually illegal to homeschool. I start wondering if I'm being irresponsible? Will Kai get behind? Is it ok to take this much time off school? Will we be able to make it up? He is supposed to be in 1st grade right now so I feel a responsibility to keep him on track.

I woke up this morning to a really sweet sound. Kai has this adorable, high-pitched singing voice and I awoke to hear him singing, "Do you like green eggs and ham? I do not like them Sam I am." He continued to sing his way through the whole book. I didn't even know he could read that book.

As I'm emerging from my fog I was observing today and noticed the stacks of books that Grandma is reading aloud and Kai reads some to her as well. Meanwhile little scientists observe bugs and explore their world. They learn to share and take turns playing board games and how to be gentle and loving with an infant. It's comforting to see that even though we're not formally doing school right now they are still learning and growing each day. I'm realizing I need to expand my thoughts on what "school" is and be confident in my decision even though I feel like the odd duck.

I'm reading this book, too, which shares research showing the benefits of delaying formal schooling. It's a very interesting and timely read for me. (Thanks Tracie and Sandy for recommending it!)
Here's a quote:

So let's not bother with flash cards at six months or math at two or formal reading lessons at three, or even four, five, six or seven. You may elevate your ego, but you will likely pay a large price in creativity and normal development of your young.
Read to your children from the time they suckle at your breast; some will be reading by four five. Their brothers or sisters, however, who are just as bright, may not be reading until eight or ten. Just be sure your physician checks their vision and hearing, and don't worry. Read to them several times a day, respond to them warmly, and give them license to explore anything that is not dangerous to them. Don't let them read more than fifteen or twenty minutes at a time at age five or six.
Let them help you from the time they start to walk. As the years roll on, let them learn to clean up after you instead of your always cleaning after them. Respond warmly always, using many whys and hows to trigger their creative thinking as they grow cognitively mature. Ask them questions, but especially by the warmth of your responses, encourage them to question you. Their highest form of play is working with you.

This inspires me

"The test of a man's religious life and character is not what he does in the exceptional moments of life, but what he does in the ordinary times when there is nothing tremendous or exciting going on."