My fourth baby boy is turning one next week, so I think I have earned the right to share my advice about caring for an infant in the first year of life (a hot topic for moms, I know!). Well, after having four infants I do have some distinct opinions about how to make the most of that precious first year that will come and go in the blink of an eye.
And that is my first piece of advice - this time goes so fast. Don't waste the time focusing on the wrong things. Throw away your watch, your clocks, your books telling you how to schedule your baby's sleep, eating and awake times. Sound extreme? Well, here's why I say that. Those well-intentioned books are in reality killing your mother's heart. There is nothing more natural than caring for an infant. As long as they're intact, your natural instincts know what to do. What feels right and good in your heart? Do that.
Advice #2 - Nurse your babies if at all possible. It is not only the best food for them, but also an amazing source of comfort. If you are nursing you always have a powerful way to comfort your baby when he is in distress.
Advice #3 - Hold and snuggle that baby as much as you possibly can. Because before you know it, he'll be wiggling off your lap and crawling away to explore. So enjoy those moments while you can! You will NOT be spoiling him. Actually, you'll be doing the exact opposite. Through all that bonding and closeness you are laying the foundation for discipline - which is connection - and setting the stage for a fabulous time with a connected two year old.
Advice #4 - Let child development guide you. Erikson says that in the first year of life babies are learning trust and if that is learned correctly, they develop the attribute of hope. Every time the baby cries and you meet his need he learnes to trust. He learns the world is a good place and his conscience is developed through this process. When he cries and his need is not met, he learns the opposite - despair. I've got to take care of myself. I'm on my own. I can't trust in others. To me this learning process is what's most important in this time - not how often he feeds or how many hours he sleeps or how perfectly timed his naps are (which, by the way, sorts itself out quite naturally and settles into a steady rhythm all on it's own).
*a note about "self-soothing" - it is not learned through crying themselves to sleep. It is learned over time as they are soothed by someone who loves them. When babies cry themselves to sleep they are not self-soothing, they are giving up hope.
So, above all, enjoy every moment because before you know it's over and you can never go back. Be true to yourself and,
"Let love be your highest goal." 1 Corinthians 14:1
More information here:
On Babywise: Regrets...I've had a few @SortaCrunchy
On Sleep Training: Crying it out: 10 reasons why it is not for us @PhDinParenting
