So, I know I said I was taking a break...

But we're having so much fun, I just had to share a few things!

We're having such a great time with our tadpoles.  I've been printing out some pictures and the boys are writing the dates and things to keep in their binders.  The first page was a photo of their habitat. 

Ezzy wrote, "I will always love my tadpoles!" next to his picture.

Kai decided to write step by step instructions.  He wrote:

How to make a tadpole habitat
sand - water- rocks - muck - container
step 1 - put sand in container
step 2 - get water from river or lake
step 3 - get tadpoles in water and muck
step 3 - pour the water and muck into the aquarium

Next is this photo dated November 28.   Ezzy wrote, "Today my tadpoles have legs."  Kai wrote, "This is the day my tadpoles had back legs."

This is one of our tadpoles on Dec. 2

And now on December 3, this one is really starting to look like a little frog - amazing!

 Here's another little activity I made for Jude - some black-eyed peas in a bin

 He wanted to pour some water and stir, and add some color, so I let him do this in the kitchen, this is with cracked corn.

Well, then I started wondering if I could dye the beans Jude was playing with.  So I looked online and found some instruction - simply soak them in rubbing alcohol and food coloring.  Let them soak for one hour, stirring every fifteen minutes or so to distribute the color evenly.

Then let them dry for the rest of the day.

Here are the results!  This is a mix of cracked corn and black-eyed peas. 

 Perfect for just playing with or all kinds of art projects, mosaics, etc.

 So then we decided we wanted to dye some noodles.  We got a variety of types.  You just place them into ziploc baggies, add the tiniest bit of white vinegar and food coloring, mix it around inside the bag, then open the bag to let it dry.  It dries fairly quickly. 

 Here are our results.

 We made some necklaces and strings.

Good fine-motor skill practice.

 And a happy, chubby baby watching everything!

I pulled out our Christmas tree and stockings, which were under our bed.  Kai was very excited about this and got inspired to dress up like Santa.

Ezra made this decoration all by himself (notice the dyed beans for buttons!)

This is Ezra's gingerbread man.

Kai's gingerbread man decoration.

And Jude's.  Yeah, Jude doesn't really like coloring very much, but he wanted to be included!

I had another thought this week.  Have you ever heard people talk about how much more they are able to enjoy their grandchildren once they are grandparents?  Well, I was thinking - let's have that enjoyment now!  I don't want to wait until I'm a grandparent to truly enjoy my offspring!  But the question is - how to do that?  There are so many stresses and pressures to face each day.  I think most times the answer lies in allowing God to transform my character, my reactions, my responses, to create the kind of home environment I want and be able to really love and enjoy my boys each day. 

Infant Care

My fourth baby boy is turning one next week, so I think I have earned the right to share my advice about caring for an infant in the first year of life (a hot topic for moms, I know!).  Well, after having four infants I do have some distinct opinions about how to make the most of that precious first year that will come and go in the blink of an eye.

And that is my first piece of advice - this time goes so fast.  Don't waste the time focusing on the wrong things.  Throw away your watch, your clocks, your books telling you how to schedule your baby's sleep, eating and awake times.  Sound extreme?  Well, here's why I say that.  Those well-intentioned books are in reality killing your mother's heart.  There is nothing more natural than caring for an infant.  As long as they're intact, your natural instincts know what to do.  What feels right and good in your heart?  Do that. 

Advice #2 - Nurse your babies if at all possible.  It is not only the best food for them, but also an amazing source of comfort.  If you are nursing you always have a powerful way to comfort your baby when he is in distress.

Advice #3 - Hold and snuggle that baby as much as you possibly can.  Because before you know it, he'll be wiggling off your lap and crawling away to explore.  So enjoy those moments while you can!  You will NOT be spoiling him.  Actually, you'll be doing the exact opposite.  Through all that bonding and closeness you are laying the foundation for discipline - which is connection - and setting the stage for a fabulous time with a connected two year old. 

Advice #4 - Let child development guide you.  Erikson says that in the first year of life babies are learning trust and if that is learned correctly, they develop the attribute of hope.  Every time the baby cries and you meet his need he learnes to trust.  He learns the world is a good place and his conscience is developed through this process.  When he cries and his need is not met, he learns the opposite - despair.  I've got to take care of myself.  I'm on my own. I can't trust in others.  To me this learning process is what's most important in this time - not how often he feeds or how many hours he sleeps or how perfectly timed his naps are (which, by the way, sorts itself out quite naturally and settles into a steady rhythm all on it's own).

*a note about "self-soothing" - it is not learned through crying themselves to sleep.  It is learned over time as they are soothed by someone who loves them.  When babies cry themselves to sleep they are not self-soothing, they are giving up hope.

So, above all, enjoy every moment because before you know it's over and you can never go back.  Be true to yourself and,

"Let love be your highest goal."  1 Corinthians 14:1

More information here:
On Babywise:  Regrets...I've had a few @SortaCrunchy
On Sleep Training:  Crying it out:  10 reasons why it is not for us @PhDinParenting

When cups are full

There's a beautiful description of attachment in Playful Parenting.  The author uses an analogy of cups being filled up or emptied out.  Whenever we meet our children's needs in a loving, caring way we are filling up their cup.  Love, attention, affection, connection and playing are all things that fill them up. 

At the same time things happen every day that empty children's cups - disappoinments, failures, frustrations, pressures, friends, siblings and our own reactions/actions as parents can leave kids running 1/2 full or even on empty. 

You can begin to recognize when children's cups are leaky or even empty.  Disorganized behavior, aggression, recklessness, mean-ness on end of the spectrum or excessive fearfulness and timidity on the other side are all symptoms of cups running low. 

When children's cups are full they will exhibit true confidence and security.  With a full cup children are able to be kind, cooperative and compassionate.  We can view behaviors and discipline in light of these cups.  The best way to change negative behavior is to provide a refill!

So in light of this, the job of parenting can be described as continually filling our children's cups.  Isn't that beautiful and at the same time terrifying? 

The book left one important question un-answered.  Where do we as parents get this love to pour onto our children?  Do you ever feel that you're running on empty yourself?  I sure do!  And we go looking to fill our cups in all the wrong places.  Listen to this in Jeremiah 2:13

"My people have committed two sins:

They have forsaken me,

the spring of living water,

and have dug their own cisterns,

broken cisterns that cannot hold water." 

There's only One Source that will truly satisfy.  The Fountain of Living Water.  We have to be filled with this love from Above each and every day.  And the job of parenting can then be described as taking this water and pouring the love of God over our children. 

and I thought I had nothing to say...

One year ago today I started this blog.  I was hesitant to start it because I really didn't know what I would possibly come up with to write about.  I thought it would be pretty boring.  But, I was just craving a little space to share my experiences, especially embarking on this new adventure of homeschool and having 4 boys.  Well, needless to say I have come up with lots to talk about, and amazingly YOU have actually read it!

Thanks for following along, for your comments and encouragement.  It's been fun - and a much needed outlet for me.  My friend Tracie expressed it perfectly - being a verbal processor, and being at home so much now, it really helps me to write things out.  When in doubt about my capabilities as mom and teacher, it helps me to see the pictures and words and realize, yes, we are getting things done, we're learning, we're growing, see - things aren't so bad afterall!  And to get that feedback and encouragement in comments?  It's a definite boost!

And so, reflecting on a full year of blogging, here are a few of my favorite posts from the past year (in no particular order):

Learning to Enjoy

A Homeschool Afternoon

What I Love So Far
 
Koa

Our Learning Lately

Crayon Melting Madness

Playdough Fun

Help for Writing

Today (in photos)

A Better Day

Spontaneous Math

Peacemakers

This Gave Me a Really Good Chuckle Today

My Night

Friendship

My Little Surfers

What a year it's been.  A new baby, a big move, and a new adventure in homeschooling.  Now I'm looking into Blog2Print to see about making this into a memory book because this little site has turned into something really special to me.

So to my readers that have their own blog - what's been your own favorite post this year?  Leave a link for me in the comments, I'd love to check it out~!

Ted Talks - re-thinking education

Have you discovered Ted Talks?  My sister clued me into this great website and I've watched some really interesting stuff on there.  I wanted to post this one, that I found over at this site. It's about education and I just found it fascinating. 



I love the Abraham Lincoln quote, and I even teared up at the end with his poem!  I think it makes a lot of sense what he's saying.

The best parenting book...

If you haven't guessed already, I'm talking about the Bible!  When thinking about discipline or parenting in the Bible, most people tend to think of the classic, "spare the rod, spoil the child" scripture.

But, there is a much bigger perspective, I think.

For instance, look at all the times God is referred to as our Father.  That being the case, I think we can look at God's nature and character as a reference or model for parenting.  What kind of father is God?  How does he parent us?  Here are some thoughts and things I've been journaling lately -

On punishment:

"The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.  ...He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve."    Psalm 103:8

Instead of focusing on punishment, focus on meeting our children's needs:

"Your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!"  Matthew 6:8

Translate their behaviors into needs.  Are they bored?  Play with them.  Are they trying to get attention?  Give it to them.  Are they sad? frustrated? angry? scared?  Comfort them.   Meet their needs, don't punish them for these things.

And their greatest need?  Love.  Keep those little love tanks full, in the same way our heavenly Father continues to fill us up with His love each day.

"But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me."  Psalm 42:8

Something I've been reflecting on is the fact that it's not what we do, we can't win God's approval by our actions.  Our children have a deep need to know that we love them as they are, not for what they do.

How to deal with anger in our children:

"A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare." Proverbs 15:1 

On Modeling as a method:

"Don't Lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example."  1 Peter 5:3

On repentance or spanking:

"Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you?  Does this mean nothing to you?  Can't you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?"  or in the NIV, "...God's kindness leads you toward repentance."

I'm so glad God doesn't spank me. It's His kindness that leads to repentance, His great love that makes me want to obey. His intimacy makes it a joy to serve and give and be a part of His family. I want to be more like that. Holy Spirit, Heavenly Father, help me parent my children the way you parent me.

How do we produce change in our lives?

Sometimes God comes in and boom!  Instant transformation!  More often, though, it's a gradual, daily walking it out.  It seems like lately this is my heart's cry:

I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it.  Instead, I do what I hate.  ...I want to do what is right, but I can't.  I want to do what is good, but I don't.  I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.  ...I have discovered this principle of life - that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.  ...Oh what a miserable person I am!  Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?  Thank God!  The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.

From Romans chapter 7

I'm really trying to change some of my parenting responses.  Yelling, frustration, irritibility.  It seems like when things get stressful and tensions rise, I start yelling in order to get compliance.  I want to be less harsh in my responses towards my children and more kind.  More patient.  I know this is a good commitment to make and I'm praying each day and asking the Lord to help me.  I want to do better. 

The process of change is excruciating.  It's not just a matter of replacing a bad habit with a good one, though that is part of it, but more than that, it's a matter of changing your character - your very nature and personality.  The Bible is clear about how to do it - but knowing how and doing it are two different things.  Failing in my own strength, needing to rely on Christ, to die to my own selfishness, to call out for help, to let go of my pride.   All I can do at times is just fall down and say, "I can't do it on my own... in my own strength I cannot... I repeatedly fail..."

But, you know what, I started praying this prayer two months ago.  And I started journaling my better moments - moments when I distinctly did the opposite of what I felt and what the result was.  I'm looking through my journal today and I can honestly say I think the positive moments are becoming more and more frequent.  I think that change is truly happening, though at a slower pace than I would like, it is happening.

And so, I take heart.  And press on.

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."  Philippians 1:6 

Saying goodbye to TV... again!

About two months ago, our landlord asked us if we could "babysit" a TV in the upstairs apartment while it sat empty.   "Sure!" we replied!  We were able to use a DVD player and have really enjoyed watching movies.  There are those certain moments when it is just so convenient to put a video on for the kids.  But then it seems those moments become more and more common.  And then the kids start to ask for it more often then I'd like.  It sort of snowballs.  Our big thing, too, is letting the kids fall asleep watching a movie.  By the end of the day we're exhausted so it's just easier, but we end up missing out on those precious bedtime moments.

Well, last week new tenants moved in upstairs and so the TV had to go back.  Once again we are living TVless and once again I'm loving it.  We do have an option to watch videos on our computer, but this computer is my lifeline - for really important stuff, you know, like checking my facebook and writing my blogs, right? ;)  No, seriously, we really don't want to use the computer for videos because it is very important to us.  So we decided as a family to have movie night once a week - you know make it a big deal with popcorn and excitement and have that be that.  It's amazing how fast the kids adjust to it, too, and come up with way more creative things to do.

First night without the TV!

It's better this way!

Developing character in our kids

Do you ever see a negative character trait expressed in your child and just cringe?  I believe that part of my job as mom is to help my children in their character development.  In the midst of dealing with difficult behaviors, I have to take deep breaths and remind myself to have grace.  Change is a process.  I have to pray about how to best address these things.  And I have to be diligent and not give up, even though it can be an exhausting process.

It helps to reflect, too.  The hard ages for me to deal with seem to be ages 4&5.  I remember going through a really difficult time with Kai at these ages.  I had times where I wondered if I would ever see results?  Would he ever get it?  "It's ok to be angry, but it's not ok to hit, scream, etc."  I repeated this phrase over and over and over again.  I can look back now and honestly say, he got it.  He did learn and he has gained a good measure of self-control over his emotions.  That's what I have to remember as I deal with Ezra and Jude who each turned 3 and 5 and seem to have entered into new phases with new challenges.

I'm working on teaching them about Honor.  According to this book, honor means: 

Treating people as special

Doing more than what's expected

Having a good attitude

I really like that. 

Counting Blessings on a Monday

198.  A relatively successful church attendance for the family.
199.  The way Kai takes charge and organizes his day, filling it with fun and productive activities.
200.  Play-fighting with lots of laughter.
201.  The silliness of these boys.
202.  Prayers and advice at women's Bible study.
203.  Hide and go seek at the park.
204.  Writing in my journal consistently again.
205.  Your powerful majestic lightning and thunder.
206.  bookshelves
207.  re-arranging furniture.
209.  benadryl
210.  Walking with my neighbor.
212.  My neighbor starting to homeschool.
214.  Provision
215.  rain, rain and more rain.
217.  Our awesome backyard.
219.  Getting our brakes fixed on the car so quickly.
221.  Christians in Jaco.
222.  Our amazing hermit crabs that are somehow still alive.
223.  Never having to even think about trash or stress about dishes because my husband is so on top of it.
225.  Feeling a flow with homeschool.
226.  Finally, a flexible schedule that Kai likes and sticks to.
227.  Little boys washing dishes.
228.  Koa learning to swim.
229.  Finding a little soccer club for Kai and he loves it.
230.  One-on-one time with Jude.

A Mother's Heart, a book review

I have a huge line up of books to read - I'm so excited about that. In the meantime I want to make sure I take the time to process and reflect on what I've read so far. I just finished, A Mother's Heart: A Look at Values, Vision, and Character for the Christian Mother.  This book was a treasure. I gained encouragement from it and I want some of these nuggets to go deep into my soul.

One of the key things I'm taking away from this book is about having a vision for the task. 

Here's a quote:

If commitment to our role as a mother languishes, this may be true not because the job is too small or unchallening but because our vision is too small.  Our dreams for our task may be thin and weak.  We fail to hear God's call and miss the broad scope of the possibilities before us.  We focus instead on the routine activities and demands - changing diapers, potty training, clenaing up messes, telling the kids for the fifth time not to slam the door - and miss any sense of a higher calling. 

Mothers, look up and look ahead!  Ask yourself:  In five, ten, twenty, even forty years, what will I wish that I had done today?  We want to avoid reaching the end of our lives with regret.  Look ahead, decide what is really important and plan to live accordingly. 

Solomon wrote, "A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it" (Proverbs 22:3).  He repeated this saying in Proverbs 27:12.  Perhaps Solomon repeated this proverb because too few of us look ahead, assess our situation, and change direction when necessary.

Several years ago, I heard a dedicated missionary share what she would do differently if she could start raising her family again.  This woman was committed to Christ and his cause, and she spent her life serving others - so the depth and quality of her life made me sit up and listen when she shared.  She said she would stay home more, be kinder to her children and feed them spiritually.

...I long to become more kind in my reactions towards my own children.

I feel like that is my heart's cry right now.  More kindness, more patience, more vision and purpose.  I feel really challenged. 

The rest of the book talks about our calling and vision, values, prayer, taking care of ourselves, teaching, discipline and some creative ideas mixed in.  She really challenges mothers to step it up!

In every generation mothers must answer the call to be what no one else can be and to do what no one else can do for their children.  It isn't that mothers can't do many other things, but if they refuse to accept their calling as mothers some child ends up short changed.  And the empty space that mother leaves echos for generations. 

Mothers are neither the cause of all society's ills nor the saviors of the nation.  But the future of society does depend, in part, on what we do with the children under our care. 

What a challenge!  I'll be sharing more thoughts on the book the rest of this week.

What is my husband's greatest strength?

He loves people.


I am so challenged by him. I do love people. A lot. But I fear I love myself more. MY time, MY feelings, MY emotions, MY needs.


But here is a man who truly puts others first. Not out of some great sacrifice, or because it's the "right" thing to do, but because he just loves people. He gets so much joy from them.


In that way, I think he's a lot like Jesus.

Another confession

I have another confession. I have a slight obsession with parenting books. I'm not quite sure why. I think first and foremost because the topic of children is one that has always interested me. It's what I studied in college and went to graduate school for. Now as a parent I am very intrigued with the way people parent their children. I'm interested in what other people do, what works for them, what they suggest and what the results are. 

Another reason I turn to these books is when I get to a frustration point with my children. When nothing I'm doing seems to be working, I want a quick fix. I want someone to just tell me what to do, really. So I start diving in looking for answers. This way never works, though. Because the reality is, there is no magic formula for parenting. There are no answers, and there is no one you can turn to to tell you, as the mom, what to do with your own children. Sure, a lot of these books proclaim to offer all the answers and if you follow their step-by-step instructions you will have perfectly behaved children. Sounds good, right? Of course it does.

I love what Donald Miller has to say about our human desire to search for a magic formula for life.

"I looked on my shelf at all the self-help books I happened to own... and I realized none of them actually helped me that much. All the promises of fulfillment really didn't work. My life was fairly normal before I read them, meaning I had good days and bad days, and then my life was fairly normal after I read them too, meaning I still had good days and bad days. It made me wonder, honestly, if such a complex existence as the one you and I are living can really be broken down into a few steps. It seems if there was a formula to fix life, Jesus would have told us what it was."

Ba bam.

And then he goes on and says later on,

"I know there are people who have actually gone from misery to happiness, but they didn't do it by walking through three steps; they did it because they had a certain set of parents and heard a certain song and knew somebody who had a certain experience and saw some movie, read some book, had something happen to them like a car wreck or a trip to Seattle. Then they called on God, and a week later read something in a magazine or met a girl in Wichita, and when all this happened they had an epiphany, and somebody may have helped them fulfill what this epiphany made them feel, and several years later they rationalized this mystic experience with three steps, then they told the three steps to us in a book. I'm not saying they weren't trying to be helpful; I bring this up only because life is complex, and the idea that you can break it down or fix it in a few steps is rather silly.

The truth is there are a million steps, and we don't even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and me and they are always changing. I have come to believe the sooner we find this truth beautiful, the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us not to rely on easy answers, bullet points, magic mantras, or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy, and His love."

And really that's what it comes down to. When I reach that wall, that frustration point. The ONLY one who can tell me what to do, guide me, direct me, and above all CHANGE MY HEART, (which is really the only thing that will bring about change in the situation), is God, and He does have the answers I seek.

Having said all that, I still do like parenting books. I haven't just tossed them out the window because they don't offer all that they claim to. I like to read them because I find good ideas in them. Maybe something I haven't tried before. Or maybe something that I already know, but a good reminder, like a pep talk from a coach. A chapter here, a chapter there keeps my thoughts fresh, helps keep me focused on being the mom that I want to be.

Recently I actually got my husband to read a book with me. I am so happy about this. We're already over half-way through it, and he's reading it aloud to me in the evening. The thing I like the most about this is not the actual book itself, but the way it causes Scott and I to start dialoguing. Talking about how we were brought up, or things we do that we want to change, or what we could do differently or better. Reading together helps us to have these conversations that we wouldn't naturally have.

The book talks about Honor-based parenting. I really like that concept. I like the idea of teaching our children honor. That we honor each other in our daily lives, in how we interact with each other.

We're doing something fun right now that we call the "Honor Challenge" We made a poster and wrote down all the things that are honoring behavior. Respect, Listening, Obedience, Kindness, Love, Politeness, Helpfulness, etc.  Then we wrote each persons name and a place for stickers. The rule is you can't give yourself a sticker, or ask for a sticker for yourself. You have to look around at everyone in the family and give other people stickers when you see them do something honoring. It's so much fun to see the boys running to give each other stickers when someone shares, or is kind, or polite. And we're working together. When we fill up our stickers we'll go get a pizza or ice cream as a whole family for a special treat. The reason we're doing this is because our children are still so little and it helps to make the concepts of honor more concrete. It helps them to be aware and see and recognize honoring behavior.

So I'm glad I'm reading that book because it brought my attention to honor. Sure, it lists seven steps to transform your family, that probably won't actually transform my family. Instead we'll probably grow and change "slowly and with time, the way a tree grows by a river," as the Holy Spirit works in us. But focusing on honor and teaching our children these concepts is still a great thing to do.

 

 

math struggles

The last two weeks have seen Kai and I seriously struggling to get his math work done.  His eyes glaze over, he says he's "soooo tired," and resists in every way.  I've been trying to push through with the Horizon curriculum we purchased because it was expensive.   Honestly, I was expecting it to be something totally different than it is - which is basically just a set of workbooks with a teacher's manual.  I've also been sticking with it because I don't have the confidence to really know which direction to go with math.  And somewhere in the back of my head there's this little nagging thought, "Is he behind other children?" and "Is he where he needs to be?"   The curriculum has been a crutch for me to lean on to give me that security of knowing that I'm headed in the "right" direction.  But it's not working.  Kai is unhappy.  I am unhappy.  Our relationship becomes strained as I push him to do something he doesn't want to do.  My joyful, happy, curious boy is becoming whiny and grumpy.

Something clicked on Friday when he looked up at me and grabbed his head, "My brain is getting too fat," he said.  "It's too filled up than it's supposed to be." 


I really had to pause and just listen to those words, to really grasp what he was trying to communicate to me.  It was a description of a painful situation for him.  It's time to re-evaluate what I'm doing and make changes.

I spent time this weekend reading through some of my books and exploring articles and blog posts about math.  And crying some, too, just feeling bad about how things are going. 

Here's a few quotes and thoughts and things I'm thinking through.

These are from The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook

"Your curriculum should be tailored to your child and provide him much more time to pursue his interests than your workbooks.  For many parents a good curriculum provides feelings of security.  But parents need to learn how children develop and learn." 

"Why struggle with and push our children to learn something when they don't want to?  'To everything there is a season,' wrote King Solomon.  The wise parent, we have discovered, patiently waits for 'springtime' and 'harvest' rather than forcing something prematurely.  When we find ourselves pushing, we back off and try a new tack."

And from The Three R's by Ruth Beechick


"Practically every item in the first grade curriculum can be taught using real-life methods.  In fact, they are better taught in real life, including games, than in daily sit-down arithmetic lessons.  ...As a homeschool teacher you do not need a workbook and daily written assignments such as a classroom teacher might use.  Your one-on-one teaching can accomplish more.  But if your child likes it, occasional use of a workbook is all right."

And this really interesting article:  Kids Learn Math Easily When They Control Their Own Learning

And this one:  Just Do the Math

As I'm reading all this Ezzy and Jude begin to argue over some toy monkeys.  They each want the set of three monkeys.  So Kai says, "Well, if we had 6 monkeys they could each have three."  The Ezzy says,

"What if Koa wanted three too?"

"Then we would need 9."

"And what if mommy wanted three?"

"12."

And they went all the way up to 21 calculating if our whole family and God each wanted three monkeys.  Kai said each answer without missing a beat.  I looked at him in wonder.  If I had written 9 + 3 =  on a piece of paper and asked him to solve it, he could do it but he would agonize over it.  But here in a real life situation that was interesting for him it was very easy.

This is what Ruth Beechick talks about when she says, "Don't throw away your opportunity by imitating school too closely.  Use real life for teaching."

"...use real-life situations to teach bits of arithmetic and to build a 'need' to know arithmetic."

"Most arithmetic should be mental.  It happens in conversation, not in written assignments."

The last thing I want to do is kill his curiosity and spirit of adventure and joy in learning through a series of workbooks which are ineffective.

Making Changes

I'll confess something.  Sometimes it's hard for me to leave the house.  I know that sounds crazy, but it's just the effort of tearing myself free from my children and chores and when I do have a chance to go out I'd usually rather just rest and read and be quiet.  But I know my hermit tendencies are not healthy and in reality make me unhappy.

I read this article last week called "The Trouble with Motherhood" and it brought me to tears.  It made me realize I need to make some changes.  So I sat down and just sort of wrote out how I was feeling and what I thought would help. Basically it involved sitting with my hubby and making a more detailed schedule of our lives.  We're at a phase of life where if it's not "scheduled" in, it won't happen!  So now I have 7 a.m. - 8 a.m. scheduled for me before Scott goes out the door at 8.  Scott does breakfast and Bible with the kids and I get to have a little time.

This week I went walking on the beach, just me and God.  I played tennis with a friend.  I even went to a women's fellowship Saturday night, even though I didn't want to and I was tired.  My husband actually prayed for me going out the door!  Isn't that silly, but so sweet?  I ended up staying until 10:30 pm and laughing so hard I was crying.  I feel better, I feel more alive, I feel more creative and joyful.  I think for us moms it's the little things.  Small choices can make such huge difference.

Steady Mom's 30-minute blog challenge 

The Intensity of This Season

When things seem hard, I look at the stage of life my husband and I are in and I think we are probably at the very peak of intensity level.  In terms of the ages of our kids (7, 4, 2, and 7 months) and their needs this is probably one of the most physically demanding and exhausting times in our life as parents.  We're still waking up at night several times, I'm still nursing, and the children need our help to do even the most basic tasks.  Sometimes just realizing this fact helps me to take a deep breath, suck it up and know that a day will come, probably sooner than I imagine, when there won't be four little people constantly needing something from me.

Getting there...

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good." Genesis 50:20

Getting to Jaco has not been easy. In fact it was one of the hardest things we've ever gone through as a family.

There was so much confusion, miscommunication and misunderstanding in finding the right home - even to the point of almost damaging important relationships in Jaco.

Then we struggled with our landlord to be released 15 days early from our contract so we wouldn't have to pay rent in two places. The stress of waiting to find out and not knowing what to do was overwhelming. We finally heard from our landlord the night of the 31st that we would have to be out by the morning.

We had to remain in San Jose for another week to finish up the children at risk school, but had no where to stay.

Scott severely injured his knee.

We all got hit - the WHOLE family - with a major stomach bug involving vomitting and diarrhea and sleepless nights going through that with all the children.

"...but God intended it all for good."

Yes, you could say it's been a rough few weeks. But in all these hardships and what feels like a spiritual battle, we have not been defeated. We win. And this is why.

In the midst of the confusion of finding the right home, God gave us peace and showed us clearly the house He has for us. He gave us a price that is unheard of in this area. All relationships are intact.

Even though we found out that we had to move at the last minute, we called friends from YWAM and over 10 people showed up the night of the 31st and packed our whole house up. They stayed til the job was done. A friend had a friend who has a moving truck and it all worked out. While Scott was with the moving truck in Jaco, other friends had the boys over to play. 7 more people showed up to help me scrub and clean the house so we could get our deposit back. We were never alone.

At the same time, a family welcomed us into their home and asked us to stay as long as we needed to. They cared for us when Scott injured his knee so I wasn't on my own taking care of everyone. They cared for us when everyone was sick. They loved us and our children and treated us like their own family.

Two friends volunteered to go with me to Jaco and help me set up the house ahead of time so it would be ready when we arrived with our boys. When I got sick in Jaco and passed out on the bathroom floor, they unpacked for me and when we couldn't finish, they even made the trip with me a second time so we could finish up.

I think the enemy was really trying to discourage us in any way possible, but God, using His body, the body of Christ, showed us love through these friends that were there for us in our time of need. It's humbling to be in such a place of need. But I am left completely amazed and overwhelmed and thankful. God used these trying circumstances to show us His love and power in an amazing way - through the love and care of those around us. We're home now and we're settling in and we're at peace.

moving in progress

I haven't been posting because we are moving and it's a crazy time to say the least. I'm not really great at transitions. Luckily I am so busy with packing and getting ready, I don't have time to wrap my brain around what is actually happening. People keep asking me if I'm excited. Honestly, I have so many different emotions right now, I don't even know how to begin to express it. So I won't. I'll just get busy and keep moving and I'm sure I will post more later all about it!

Some thoughts on hospitality

Our line of work involves a lot of hospitality. We are in a very relational ministry in which we open our lives and our home to others. Throw 4 children and homeschooling into the mix and things can get a little crazy! For example, here's a little peek at last week: Sunday = 5 people for dinner and meeting (pizza), Tues = 3 for dinner (pasta), Wed = dinner and community meeting at the base, Thursday = 13 at our house for morning classes (egg bake and brownies), 2 for dinner (rice, fish and veggies) and 12 later for a movie, Friday = 12 in the morning and later on a mom + her 2 boys, whose husband is out of town spent the night with us and most of Saturday, too. Each of these events was also completely spontaneous!

My "goal" of hospitality is to offer a nice, relaxing, orderly environment to welcome people into so they can enjoy, share, receive and be blessed. Honestly, I've had to drop this "ideal," because the reality is it can't always happen. But, truly, an open heart to love and bless others can go a long way. I've learned to open my door and let others in even when things are a mess, slightly chaotic and maybe when they walk through the door I'm stirring a pot with a baby strapped to me, sweating like a pig and wearing sweat pants.

Sure, this is not my ideal, this is not perfect hospitality, but this is my reality - this is where I'm at. I can try as hard as I can to appear to others that I "have it all together," and I will fail miserably. I just literally cannot stay on top of everything.

So, when Scott calls at 5:00 pm and says he's bringing 3 people up for dinner, I know that those people are more important than the state of my home or the quality of food we will eat. Here's a quote from Karen's Main's book, "Open Heart, Open Home." She talks about entertainment vs. hospitality. I had never really thought of it this way.

"Entertainment says, 'I want to impress you with my beautiful home, my clever decorating, my gourmet cooking.' Hospitality, however, seeks to minister. It says, 'This home is not mine. It is truly a gift from my Master. I am his servant, and I use it as he desires.' Hospitality does not try to impress, but to serve" (p. 29).

"Working hard to keep people from recognizing our weak points, we also prevent them from loving us in our weakness. Because hospitality has put away its pride, it doesn't care if other people see our humanness" (p.30).

Believe me, people are definitely seeing my humanness right now! But what a joy to share, welcome friends and build new friendships. It's an honor and a privilege. I'm learning humility and it's really good for me.

So, naturally, I'm thinking about a lot of these things as we're searching for a new home in Jaco. What kind of home will we have? What will we do in this home? What will hospitality look like? The uncertainty and transition is excruciating for me. Especially as momma bear instincts kick in, wanting to have a secure environment for my 4 little ones.

A friend emailed me some words of wisdom, " I truly believe deep down that all ministry starts at home – our lives, our marriages, our children, our family – these are the greatest gifts we will give. More than Jaco needs a ministry, Jaco needs you – your thoughtful heart, your dedication to the four little ones entrusted to your care, your strong beliefs in attachment and life. So finding a lifegiving place to live and be is perhaps the first pivotal decision, ministry will flow from that. So take a deep breath, and let God lead you to where He wants you to be for this season."

Amen to that. There has to be balance. I can offer hospitality to people, but if I don't offer it to my own husband and children first, it will have zero impact - and can even be detrimental. Hospitality has to begin in my heart, with my own family, and out of that it can flow to others. So as we search for a new home I'm reflecting on what it means to have a home. I'm also searching to align my priorities and to make sure I have things in the right order.

What about you? I'd love to hear others' thoughts on hospitality.

Open Heart, Open Home: The Hospitable Way to Make Others Feel Welcome and Wanted