a week in San Jose

Sometimes God has surprises for us.  This week was one of those for me.  We went to San Jose to take part in a seminar on marriage and family.  It was a really special time for Scott and me to take time out and focus on what's really important.  Here are some highlights:

While Scott and I were in class, the kids worked on building a club house.

They found scraps from all the construction going on around the base.

They worked together to build their club.

Phew, it's hard work!

Making music with Scott during a rainy afternoon before dinner.



What joy!  I got to hold my little sleeping Koa through the morning sessions.



 Jack Kody shared about marriage and parenting.

It's been so long since I've been able to just sit and receive, I can't believe this actually worked out!

Jude took time out from playing for a nap with mom, too!

Meanwhile, on Friday the finishing touches were being made.

...and - the club house is finished!

yay!

The boys also had fun on the skateboard ramps each day.

Ezzy skateboarding.

Lemuel thinks my boys are his "primos," - cousins!  So cute!

The best part?  No cooking or cleaning or dishes ALL WEEK!  I love the food on the base!


I think we all needed this more than we knew.

Counting Blessings on a Monday

198.  A relatively successful church attendance for the family.
199.  The way Kai takes charge and organizes his day, filling it with fun and productive activities.
200.  Play-fighting with lots of laughter.
201.  The silliness of these boys.
202.  Prayers and advice at women's Bible study.
203.  Hide and go seek at the park.
204.  Writing in my journal consistently again.
205.  Your powerful majestic lightning and thunder.
206.  bookshelves
207.  re-arranging furniture.
209.  benadryl
210.  Walking with my neighbor.
212.  My neighbor starting to homeschool.
214.  Provision
215.  rain, rain and more rain.
217.  Our awesome backyard.
219.  Getting our brakes fixed on the car so quickly.
221.  Christians in Jaco.
222.  Our amazing hermit crabs that are somehow still alive.
223.  Never having to even think about trash or stress about dishes because my husband is so on top of it.
225.  Feeling a flow with homeschool.
226.  Finally, a flexible schedule that Kai likes and sticks to.
227.  Little boys washing dishes.
228.  Koa learning to swim.
229.  Finding a little soccer club for Kai and he loves it.
230.  One-on-one time with Jude.

My trip home

This month I got to take a trip back to my hometown of Falls Church, Virginia. It's been almost 3 years since my last visit, I can't even believe that. It was such a special trip. It was so fun to just have Koa and enjoy time with him, my last baby. I got to see family, friends and enjoy the goodness of life in the U.S. of A.

It's funny because living in Costa Rica, I kind of tell myself that it's really not that different. I mean, we have a KFC right down the street. McDonald's is only about 2 hours away. We have grocery stores, we have paved roads, we even have sidewalks.

But you know, the truth is, it is really different. It is totally different. I love living in Costa Rica, don't get me wrong, it is such a blessed life that we live. But at the same time, it is really fun to go home and enjoy my home culture and those things that we don't have here.

I especially enjoyed eating. I think I probably gained about ten pounds. My family kept commenting that I was eating like I had never eaten before in my life! My favorite eats included:

tomato Basil soup at La Madeleine
bagels and broccoli cheddar soup at Panera Bread
pita chips and rye tricuits with hummus and spinach dip
freshly grilled hamburger cookout at my Pop Pop's house
deep fried pickles on my mom's birthday
blueberries and rasperries
fresh tomatoes from my Pop Pop's garden
toasted english muffins with real butter
cinnamon bun flavored coffee creamer
chili cheese fritos
7 eleven iced coffee
swiss cheese on a sandwich
salmon

I also enjoyed some shopping. My mom and I hit up thrift stores. I about cried walking into Unique thrift store. Furniture, children's desks, chairs, strollers, you name it all for dollars. I couldn't even look at that section, knowing that I couldn't take anything that big home with me and knowing that I don't have access to anything like that here. I feel utterly convinced that I could live off of the excesses of American culture. That kind of excess just does not exist here. I did enjoy the toy section and book section of the thrift stores and found some awesome stuff for homeschool, including some great books, board games and toys.

I also cleaned out a bunch of stuff I have in mom's attic.  Wow, boxes of photos, letters, journals (I've kept a journal consistently since I was 10 - that equals a lot of journals), an extensive china doll and rag doll collection, which will now never be passed on to a daughter, but I was able to give them to my niece.  I wish I had more time to look through all the memories.  All I did was condense everything down to a few boxes and put them back in the attic for now.

But all of the fun of eating, shopping and digging through memories aside, the best part by far of my trip was spending time with the people I love that I do not get to see nearly often enough. And there were so many more people I would have loved to see, too.

Seeing Ellen, such an important person in my life, and meeting her son Charlie was extra-special!

Old friends are the best friends.  These ladies and I have known each other since before I even can remember.  Seeing them just feels like coming home.

At Panera Bread with one of my favorite families!

Hanging out with Laura, and meeting my precious godson, Jackson meant so much to me!  This is one of those friendships that stands the test of time and when we see each other it feels like no time has passed - I love that!

Sister time is the best!  Especially hanging out in mom's tent in her backyard!

My Pop-Pop and cousins.  What a special day to have all his grandchildren together in the same place at the same time.

My adorable niece, Sadie.  Just wanna squeeze her!

 Koa and Sadie enjoying their breakfast on mom's beautiful backporch.  Koa was one happy baby on this trip, being held constantly and getting so much attention!

My momma's birthday.  I love my family!!!!

Homecoming - lots of love!

Coming home has been harder than expected.  I've been getting some "payback" this week from the boys I left behind, especially from Jude.  Emotions running high, it's taken us all a little time to settle back into our normal patterns of relating and functioning as a family.   But we're getting there.  And Scott did so great taking care of three boys by himself.  He's such a superdad!   

Happy Birthday, Baby!

I'm a little bit behind, but here's my journal entry from the night of July 26 and July 27, the day Jude turned three.

The sweetest family moments always seem to happen when everyone is piled in our bed.  That's where we were last night when we started sharing funny stories about Jude, remembering his life and thinking about his Birthday, how he's turning 3.  Here are some memories we shared.

Ezzy remembered standing on the sidewalk with Jude at our house in Granadilla, waving at cars and shouting, "HONGA!" because Jude couldn't make an "L" sound, so that's what he said instead of "hola!"  silly!

Then I remembered how he would stand on the balcony at our house in San Francisco de dos rios and shout at the guard, "GORDITO!" because that's what the guard called him everyday as he rolled by in his stroller.  And also how he would hear the lottery man coming down the street and would echo his call shouting, "LOTERIA!" in a funny, deep voice just like the loteria man!  And the way he would zip down the stairs on his belly so fast!

Everyone cracked up laughing remembering these moments.

Jude's First Birthday

Jude's 2nd Birthday

Today he's turning 3 and Kai says, "Now he can talk good when he plays.  And he doesn't destroy everything anymore."  He's learned how to play with his brothers. 

This morning I woke up and Jude had snuck in the bed in the middle of the night.  He was right behind me hugging my back.  I woke up before him with Koa and we watched him sleep.  So peaceful.  When he opened his eyes I said, "Happy Birthday, Jude.  You're three years old now." 

He looked back at me and said, "But I'm still a boy."

"Yes.  You're still a boy."

Then he rolled off the bed to go find his brothers to make sure he's not missing any fun that might have started without him.

...Singing happy birthday, three candles sparkling atop a Mickey Mouse pancake.  Blow the candles, Jude!  Jude attempts to blow, but Ezzy blows them out.  Ezzy and Kai have hardly been able to contain their excitement all morning.  When can Jude open his presents???  After his pancakes... it's so hard to wait, it's just so exciting! 

"How old are you Jude?"

"I'm 6!" 

"No, he's three," says Ezzy.

"I'm 3!"  Big smile! 

For his birthday Jude received a xylophone, a Mr. Potato Head and a kickboard that he calls his "sufboard."  He opened his presents this morning after his pancake breakfast and it touched my heart how he immediately shared with his brothers without a thought or a fuss. 

Jude....

Your name means "praise" and your life does bring praise to God.  You are so joyful, silly, friendly.  Your smile lights up a room.  You love people, you're outgoing.  You love to play and you love to make people laugh.  You love your brothers so much.  Your smile, hugs, kisses and love fill my heart with warmth.  You are a joy.  You're a treasure.  I'm so glad you were born 3 years ago today, my little gordito.  You radiate love.

Another confession

I have another confession. I have a slight obsession with parenting books. I'm not quite sure why. I think first and foremost because the topic of children is one that has always interested me. It's what I studied in college and went to graduate school for. Now as a parent I am very intrigued with the way people parent their children. I'm interested in what other people do, what works for them, what they suggest and what the results are. 

Another reason I turn to these books is when I get to a frustration point with my children. When nothing I'm doing seems to be working, I want a quick fix. I want someone to just tell me what to do, really. So I start diving in looking for answers. This way never works, though. Because the reality is, there is no magic formula for parenting. There are no answers, and there is no one you can turn to to tell you, as the mom, what to do with your own children. Sure, a lot of these books proclaim to offer all the answers and if you follow their step-by-step instructions you will have perfectly behaved children. Sounds good, right? Of course it does.

I love what Donald Miller has to say about our human desire to search for a magic formula for life.

"I looked on my shelf at all the self-help books I happened to own... and I realized none of them actually helped me that much. All the promises of fulfillment really didn't work. My life was fairly normal before I read them, meaning I had good days and bad days, and then my life was fairly normal after I read them too, meaning I still had good days and bad days. It made me wonder, honestly, if such a complex existence as the one you and I are living can really be broken down into a few steps. It seems if there was a formula to fix life, Jesus would have told us what it was."

Ba bam.

And then he goes on and says later on,

"I know there are people who have actually gone from misery to happiness, but they didn't do it by walking through three steps; they did it because they had a certain set of parents and heard a certain song and knew somebody who had a certain experience and saw some movie, read some book, had something happen to them like a car wreck or a trip to Seattle. Then they called on God, and a week later read something in a magazine or met a girl in Wichita, and when all this happened they had an epiphany, and somebody may have helped them fulfill what this epiphany made them feel, and several years later they rationalized this mystic experience with three steps, then they told the three steps to us in a book. I'm not saying they weren't trying to be helpful; I bring this up only because life is complex, and the idea that you can break it down or fix it in a few steps is rather silly.

The truth is there are a million steps, and we don't even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and me and they are always changing. I have come to believe the sooner we find this truth beautiful, the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us not to rely on easy answers, bullet points, magic mantras, or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy, and His love."

And really that's what it comes down to. When I reach that wall, that frustration point. The ONLY one who can tell me what to do, guide me, direct me, and above all CHANGE MY HEART, (which is really the only thing that will bring about change in the situation), is God, and He does have the answers I seek.

Having said all that, I still do like parenting books. I haven't just tossed them out the window because they don't offer all that they claim to. I like to read them because I find good ideas in them. Maybe something I haven't tried before. Or maybe something that I already know, but a good reminder, like a pep talk from a coach. A chapter here, a chapter there keeps my thoughts fresh, helps keep me focused on being the mom that I want to be.

Recently I actually got my husband to read a book with me. I am so happy about this. We're already over half-way through it, and he's reading it aloud to me in the evening. The thing I like the most about this is not the actual book itself, but the way it causes Scott and I to start dialoguing. Talking about how we were brought up, or things we do that we want to change, or what we could do differently or better. Reading together helps us to have these conversations that we wouldn't naturally have.

The book talks about Honor-based parenting. I really like that concept. I like the idea of teaching our children honor. That we honor each other in our daily lives, in how we interact with each other.

We're doing something fun right now that we call the "Honor Challenge" We made a poster and wrote down all the things that are honoring behavior. Respect, Listening, Obedience, Kindness, Love, Politeness, Helpfulness, etc.  Then we wrote each persons name and a place for stickers. The rule is you can't give yourself a sticker, or ask for a sticker for yourself. You have to look around at everyone in the family and give other people stickers when you see them do something honoring. It's so much fun to see the boys running to give each other stickers when someone shares, or is kind, or polite. And we're working together. When we fill up our stickers we'll go get a pizza or ice cream as a whole family for a special treat. The reason we're doing this is because our children are still so little and it helps to make the concepts of honor more concrete. It helps them to be aware and see and recognize honoring behavior.

So I'm glad I'm reading that book because it brought my attention to honor. Sure, it lists seven steps to transform your family, that probably won't actually transform my family. Instead we'll probably grow and change "slowly and with time, the way a tree grows by a river," as the Holy Spirit works in us. But focusing on honor and teaching our children these concepts is still a great thing to do.

 

 

The Intensity of This Season

When things seem hard, I look at the stage of life my husband and I are in and I think we are probably at the very peak of intensity level.  In terms of the ages of our kids (7, 4, 2, and 7 months) and their needs this is probably one of the most physically demanding and exhausting times in our life as parents.  We're still waking up at night several times, I'm still nursing, and the children need our help to do even the most basic tasks.  Sometimes just realizing this fact helps me to take a deep breath, suck it up and know that a day will come, probably sooner than I imagine, when there won't be four little people constantly needing something from me.

Our new place... i LOVE it!

Getting there...

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good." Genesis 50:20

Getting to Jaco has not been easy. In fact it was one of the hardest things we've ever gone through as a family.

There was so much confusion, miscommunication and misunderstanding in finding the right home - even to the point of almost damaging important relationships in Jaco.

Then we struggled with our landlord to be released 15 days early from our contract so we wouldn't have to pay rent in two places. The stress of waiting to find out and not knowing what to do was overwhelming. We finally heard from our landlord the night of the 31st that we would have to be out by the morning.

We had to remain in San Jose for another week to finish up the children at risk school, but had no where to stay.

Scott severely injured his knee.

We all got hit - the WHOLE family - with a major stomach bug involving vomitting and diarrhea and sleepless nights going through that with all the children.

"...but God intended it all for good."

Yes, you could say it's been a rough few weeks. But in all these hardships and what feels like a spiritual battle, we have not been defeated. We win. And this is why.

In the midst of the confusion of finding the right home, God gave us peace and showed us clearly the house He has for us. He gave us a price that is unheard of in this area. All relationships are intact.

Even though we found out that we had to move at the last minute, we called friends from YWAM and over 10 people showed up the night of the 31st and packed our whole house up. They stayed til the job was done. A friend had a friend who has a moving truck and it all worked out. While Scott was with the moving truck in Jaco, other friends had the boys over to play. 7 more people showed up to help me scrub and clean the house so we could get our deposit back. We were never alone.

At the same time, a family welcomed us into their home and asked us to stay as long as we needed to. They cared for us when Scott injured his knee so I wasn't on my own taking care of everyone. They cared for us when everyone was sick. They loved us and our children and treated us like their own family.

Two friends volunteered to go with me to Jaco and help me set up the house ahead of time so it would be ready when we arrived with our boys. When I got sick in Jaco and passed out on the bathroom floor, they unpacked for me and when we couldn't finish, they even made the trip with me a second time so we could finish up.

I think the enemy was really trying to discourage us in any way possible, but God, using His body, the body of Christ, showed us love through these friends that were there for us in our time of need. It's humbling to be in such a place of need. But I am left completely amazed and overwhelmed and thankful. God used these trying circumstances to show us His love and power in an amazing way - through the love and care of those around us. We're home now and we're settling in and we're at peace.

Some thoughts on hospitality

Our line of work involves a lot of hospitality. We are in a very relational ministry in which we open our lives and our home to others. Throw 4 children and homeschooling into the mix and things can get a little crazy! For example, here's a little peek at last week: Sunday = 5 people for dinner and meeting (pizza), Tues = 3 for dinner (pasta), Wed = dinner and community meeting at the base, Thursday = 13 at our house for morning classes (egg bake and brownies), 2 for dinner (rice, fish and veggies) and 12 later for a movie, Friday = 12 in the morning and later on a mom + her 2 boys, whose husband is out of town spent the night with us and most of Saturday, too. Each of these events was also completely spontaneous!

My "goal" of hospitality is to offer a nice, relaxing, orderly environment to welcome people into so they can enjoy, share, receive and be blessed. Honestly, I've had to drop this "ideal," because the reality is it can't always happen. But, truly, an open heart to love and bless others can go a long way. I've learned to open my door and let others in even when things are a mess, slightly chaotic and maybe when they walk through the door I'm stirring a pot with a baby strapped to me, sweating like a pig and wearing sweat pants.

Sure, this is not my ideal, this is not perfect hospitality, but this is my reality - this is where I'm at. I can try as hard as I can to appear to others that I "have it all together," and I will fail miserably. I just literally cannot stay on top of everything.

So, when Scott calls at 5:00 pm and says he's bringing 3 people up for dinner, I know that those people are more important than the state of my home or the quality of food we will eat. Here's a quote from Karen's Main's book, "Open Heart, Open Home." She talks about entertainment vs. hospitality. I had never really thought of it this way.

"Entertainment says, 'I want to impress you with my beautiful home, my clever decorating, my gourmet cooking.' Hospitality, however, seeks to minister. It says, 'This home is not mine. It is truly a gift from my Master. I am his servant, and I use it as he desires.' Hospitality does not try to impress, but to serve" (p. 29).

"Working hard to keep people from recognizing our weak points, we also prevent them from loving us in our weakness. Because hospitality has put away its pride, it doesn't care if other people see our humanness" (p.30).

Believe me, people are definitely seeing my humanness right now! But what a joy to share, welcome friends and build new friendships. It's an honor and a privilege. I'm learning humility and it's really good for me.

So, naturally, I'm thinking about a lot of these things as we're searching for a new home in Jaco. What kind of home will we have? What will we do in this home? What will hospitality look like? The uncertainty and transition is excruciating for me. Especially as momma bear instincts kick in, wanting to have a secure environment for my 4 little ones.

A friend emailed me some words of wisdom, " I truly believe deep down that all ministry starts at home – our lives, our marriages, our children, our family – these are the greatest gifts we will give. More than Jaco needs a ministry, Jaco needs you – your thoughtful heart, your dedication to the four little ones entrusted to your care, your strong beliefs in attachment and life. So finding a lifegiving place to live and be is perhaps the first pivotal decision, ministry will flow from that. So take a deep breath, and let God lead you to where He wants you to be for this season."

Amen to that. There has to be balance. I can offer hospitality to people, but if I don't offer it to my own husband and children first, it will have zero impact - and can even be detrimental. Hospitality has to begin in my heart, with my own family, and out of that it can flow to others. So as we search for a new home I'm reflecting on what it means to have a home. I'm also searching to align my priorities and to make sure I have things in the right order.

What about you? I'd love to hear others' thoughts on hospitality.

Open Heart, Open Home: The Hospitable Way to Make Others Feel Welcome and Wanted

City Life

Living in a city is not my ideal life. The traffic, the exhaust, the noise, the crowds. It can really start to get to you. Especially with small children I have trouble finding things we can do as a family (without spending money). We found a park near our house a few weeks ago that is truly an oasis from the city and we've been going every Sunday. I'm so glad we've found a family activity that we can all enjoy. I think it's so important that children have a chance to get out in nature and enjoy God's beauty. It's just good for their little bodies and souls to drink in the beauty of creation.