Infant Care

My fourth baby boy is turning one next week, so I think I have earned the right to share my advice about caring for an infant in the first year of life (a hot topic for moms, I know!).  Well, after having four infants I do have some distinct opinions about how to make the most of that precious first year that will come and go in the blink of an eye.

And that is my first piece of advice - this time goes so fast.  Don't waste the time focusing on the wrong things.  Throw away your watch, your clocks, your books telling you how to schedule your baby's sleep, eating and awake times.  Sound extreme?  Well, here's why I say that.  Those well-intentioned books are in reality killing your mother's heart.  There is nothing more natural than caring for an infant.  As long as they're intact, your natural instincts know what to do.  What feels right and good in your heart?  Do that. 

Advice #2 - Nurse your babies if at all possible.  It is not only the best food for them, but also an amazing source of comfort.  If you are nursing you always have a powerful way to comfort your baby when he is in distress.

Advice #3 - Hold and snuggle that baby as much as you possibly can.  Because before you know it, he'll be wiggling off your lap and crawling away to explore.  So enjoy those moments while you can!  You will NOT be spoiling him.  Actually, you'll be doing the exact opposite.  Through all that bonding and closeness you are laying the foundation for discipline - which is connection - and setting the stage for a fabulous time with a connected two year old. 

Advice #4 - Let child development guide you.  Erikson says that in the first year of life babies are learning trust and if that is learned correctly, they develop the attribute of hope.  Every time the baby cries and you meet his need he learnes to trust.  He learns the world is a good place and his conscience is developed through this process.  When he cries and his need is not met, he learns the opposite - despair.  I've got to take care of myself.  I'm on my own. I can't trust in others.  To me this learning process is what's most important in this time - not how often he feeds or how many hours he sleeps or how perfectly timed his naps are (which, by the way, sorts itself out quite naturally and settles into a steady rhythm all on it's own).

*a note about "self-soothing" - it is not learned through crying themselves to sleep.  It is learned over time as they are soothed by someone who loves them.  When babies cry themselves to sleep they are not self-soothing, they are giving up hope.

So, above all, enjoy every moment because before you know it's over and you can never go back.  Be true to yourself and,

"Let love be your highest goal."  1 Corinthians 14:1

More information here:
On Babywise:  Regrets...I've had a few @SortaCrunchy
On Sleep Training:  Crying it out:  10 reasons why it is not for us @PhDinParenting

the elusive schedule

Creating a workable schedule is one of the biggest challenges of homeschooling.  It's difficult because a huge benefit of homeschooling is the flexiblility you have.  But at the same time, children thrive with structure as well.  So it's up to me, as mom, to order our days together.  I've tried several different schedules, but finally feel like I'm in a good groove now with Kai. 

Initially, to make our current schedule I sat down with Kai and we listed all the things he'd like to include in our day - this was his chance to say what he would like to happen.  For instance, he wanted to have a time set for soccer, for helping with Koa, for play, snack, free reading, etc.  Those things are important to him and it means a lot to him to be able to see that on his daily schedule.  And that's just fine!

Also, to make it less intimidating, I lumped together all of his seat work and called it "Table Time" on his schedule.  I did this instead of listing separately:  math, writing, and other required work.  I also added "Read with mom," which covers read-alouds, history and science alternately. 

Where other schedules have failed me, this is working great for us.  It's just relaxed enough to retain the flexibility and freedom we love, but has enough structure to make sure we cover our required stuff.  It has enough things that Kai loves and chose for himself that he's willing to do the difficult "table time," which is where our battles were coming from. 

I feel like this year I keep adjusting and readjusting - learning, observing, making changes.  Slowly but surely finding my way through this first year of homeschooling.

Counting Blessings on a Monday

198.  A relatively successful church attendance for the family.
199.  The way Kai takes charge and organizes his day, filling it with fun and productive activities.
200.  Play-fighting with lots of laughter.
201.  The silliness of these boys.
202.  Prayers and advice at women's Bible study.
203.  Hide and go seek at the park.
204.  Writing in my journal consistently again.
205.  Your powerful majestic lightning and thunder.
206.  bookshelves
207.  re-arranging furniture.
209.  benadryl
210.  Walking with my neighbor.
212.  My neighbor starting to homeschool.
214.  Provision
215.  rain, rain and more rain.
217.  Our awesome backyard.
219.  Getting our brakes fixed on the car so quickly.
221.  Christians in Jaco.
222.  Our amazing hermit crabs that are somehow still alive.
223.  Never having to even think about trash or stress about dishes because my husband is so on top of it.
225.  Feeling a flow with homeschool.
226.  Finally, a flexible schedule that Kai likes and sticks to.
227.  Little boys washing dishes.
228.  Koa learning to swim.
229.  Finding a little soccer club for Kai and he loves it.
230.  One-on-one time with Jude.

speaking of schedules...

here's a post about scheduling in family time, something I haven't really thought of before.  I'm a pretty spontaneous person.  But, sometimes my expectations don't line up with reality, and perhaps scheduling can help to make those things happen - like quality family time.  Now if only I could stick to my schedule! ;)

Scheduling in Family Time

Throwing my schedule out the window!

I recently posted about my amazing new schedule with Kai and how well it's going.  Well, it is going well.  I love the productivity of a good schedule.  But even in that, sometimes you just have to toss the schedule and mix things up.  That's the beauty of homeschool.

Kai woke up in sort of a grumpy, whiny mood.  He wasn't "hopping to it" with his schedule with any form of enthusiasm.  He was resisting every form of work.  I went to put Koa down for his morning nap and just sat and prayed for a minute. I prayed for a strategy of how to turn this day around and make it a good one. I immediately felt that I needed to let go of the schedule and do some fun, creative stuff with our unit on Ocean we've been doing.

So I gathered the boys around and did the good day cheer.  Then we played "Dive Under the Ocean."  To play I put some sea creature toys under a sheet and called a child's name, "Jude, dive under the ocean."  He "swam" under the sheet and picked one ocean toy and named the animal he picked.  We did this several times and they would have kept playing all day!

My next suggestion was to use the new paints that my mom brought us.  So we each picked an ocean creature to paint.

Next we did a really fun craft.  We sat and tore up little sheets of construction paper.  We put them into a trash bag.  Then we cut out a sea animal shape and painted it with glue.  We dropped the gluey creature into the bag and shook it up.  They had a lot of fun shaking the bag up.  Then we pulled the creature out and were amazed at how the little papers stuck to the creature so perfectly.

Then we made this little project - you fill a bottle half way with blue colored water.  Fill the rest with oil.  It makes waves in the bottle.  

After all the crafts and games we went outside to have a snack and story.  This is "Quiet Fox."  He has his ears up and his mouth closed!  My friend Ellen, a second grade teacher taught me this one!  It works!

And after story a good run with the ball - kicking it soccer style, or futbol as we say here, before the rain came.

I think everyone felt refreshed after this morning and the next day Kai was ready to get back to his schedule with renewed energy and enthusiasm!

Making Changes

I'll confess something.  Sometimes it's hard for me to leave the house.  I know that sounds crazy, but it's just the effort of tearing myself free from my children and chores and when I do have a chance to go out I'd usually rather just rest and read and be quiet.  But I know my hermit tendencies are not healthy and in reality make me unhappy.

I read this article last week called "The Trouble with Motherhood" and it brought me to tears.  It made me realize I need to make some changes.  So I sat down and just sort of wrote out how I was feeling and what I thought would help. Basically it involved sitting with my hubby and making a more detailed schedule of our lives.  We're at a phase of life where if it's not "scheduled" in, it won't happen!  So now I have 7 a.m. - 8 a.m. scheduled for me before Scott goes out the door at 8.  Scott does breakfast and Bible with the kids and I get to have a little time.

This week I went walking on the beach, just me and God.  I played tennis with a friend.  I even went to a women's fellowship Saturday night, even though I didn't want to and I was tired.  My husband actually prayed for me going out the door!  Isn't that silly, but so sweet?  I ended up staying until 10:30 pm and laughing so hard I was crying.  I feel better, I feel more alive, I feel more creative and joyful.  I think for us moms it's the little things.  Small choices can make such huge difference.

Steady Mom's 30-minute blog challenge 

proud mommy moment!

So, I've been feeling a little, no I should say a lot overwhelmed lately.  I got kind of sick and I've had some trouble shaking it off.  It just kind of seems like things that were relatively easy for me (i.e. making dinner, laundry, basic tasks) are really hard.  My homeschooling has been falling waaaay behind.  I just feel like I can't get things together.   For instance, by the time breakfast is made, served, cleaned up, baby fed, showered, clothed, back to bed for morning nap, it's already 10:00 a.m. and half the morning is already gone.  It just goes on from there, the day slipping through my fingers.  Throw a two year old with a painful ear infection into the mix and you can just imagine.

In the midst of all this I've been observing Kai.  He goes busily about his day doing things that technically would qualify as "school."  He reads books, he makes his own little projects, he does his handwriting.  I'm pretty amazed actually.  Without direction from me, he continues to learn, create and grow in his own way.  Is this "unschooling???" I have no idea, I need to read more about that.

Anyways, yesterday I took some time to just get things organized for him a little bit.  Recognizing the way my days are going, I thought if I can get Kai set up to accomplish some of the things in our curriculum independently it would be great.  So I made the above chart and went over with Kai what he could do for each subject on his own and check off on his own with a dry erase marker.  Later, when I can get the other kids settled, he can show me what he's accomplished in each subject.    

Today was the first day with the new chart.  I cannot tell you the relief I felt to see those little check marks and the completed work he did all on his own.  Not to mention how proud he felt of himself.  Isn't there just a wonderful feeling of accomplishment when you can check things off a list?  By 9:30 a.m. I was able to sit with him and do some math together.  How amazing to know he had already accomplished 4 subjects by that time! Now this is not ideal, I do hope and strive to do the subjects with him.  But I think this is a great thing to have in place for those mornings when things are spiraling out of control - at least one family member can stay on track!