Study, study, study

That's what I've been up to!  I'm teaching Child Development at University of the Nations in Tijuana in February and in San Jose, Costa Rica in July.  It's been so fascinating studying and preparing, I'm loving it! 

The Binder

I got this idea from Thomas Jefferson Education and started it right away - it's great and so simple! I got a three ring binder for each boy and put some fun pictures of them on the front. Inside I filled it with empty clear plastic sheet protectors for them to keep their finished work in. Each boy has a calendar in the front. This is a place where we can practice planning as well as recording. To Kai's binder I added his reading list and a place where we write a paragraph each day about what he learned that day. They all love it and are busy filling it up with all their work and special papers. It's unleashed a new wave of creativity in the house and I have more ideas too.

These are the covers I made for their binders:

When cups are full

There's a beautiful description of attachment in Playful Parenting.  The author uses an analogy of cups being filled up or emptied out.  Whenever we meet our children's needs in a loving, caring way we are filling up their cup.  Love, attention, affection, connection and playing are all things that fill them up. 

At the same time things happen every day that empty children's cups - disappoinments, failures, frustrations, pressures, friends, siblings and our own reactions/actions as parents can leave kids running 1/2 full or even on empty. 

You can begin to recognize when children's cups are leaky or even empty.  Disorganized behavior, aggression, recklessness, mean-ness on end of the spectrum or excessive fearfulness and timidity on the other side are all symptoms of cups running low. 

When children's cups are full they will exhibit true confidence and security.  With a full cup children are able to be kind, cooperative and compassionate.  We can view behaviors and discipline in light of these cups.  The best way to change negative behavior is to provide a refill!

So in light of this, the job of parenting can be described as continually filling our children's cups.  Isn't that beautiful and at the same time terrifying? 

The book left one important question un-answered.  Where do we as parents get this love to pour onto our children?  Do you ever feel that you're running on empty yourself?  I sure do!  And we go looking to fill our cups in all the wrong places.  Listen to this in Jeremiah 2:13

"My people have committed two sins:

They have forsaken me,

the spring of living water,

and have dug their own cisterns,

broken cisterns that cannot hold water." 

There's only One Source that will truly satisfy.  The Fountain of Living Water.  We have to be filled with this love from Above each and every day.  And the job of parenting can then be described as taking this water and pouring the love of God over our children. 

Feeling Powerless

I'm sharing Playful Parenting techniques from my journal again today. ( Here, here and here are previous posts I've written on the topic).

Scenario 1:

Today the boys were playing with a belt.  Kai was pulling it while Ezra and Jude pulled the other way.  It was a fun game at first until Ezra got really frustrated and started crying and yelling at Kai.  I was coming over to help them sort the whole thing out when I decided to try another tactic. 

I grabbed the belt and ran, "Try to get me!"  At first Ezra looked at me angrily.  Kai and Jude were giggling and began to chase me.  Soon Ezra was giggling, too.  He chased me and I let him get the belt from me.  He threw it behind the couch declaring it to be in "cortis" (timeout in Costa Rica).  I began to sob really loud.  The boys were cracking up.  Kai came in with another belt which ended up in "cortis" too, behind the couch.  I sobbed again.  More laughs.  Then I said, "Let's have a snack."  And everyone went giggling happily to the table.

Imagine if you took all the time you now spend fussing at siblings to stop fighting, and you spent it playing with them.  What would happen?  I bet they'd fight less, enjoy each other more, and you'd have fun, too.  A great game for siblings is to grab the thing they are fighting over and run."

"If you think about what makes children giggle, often it's when reality is suspended and roles are reversed.  These are giggles of liberation as they are freeing themselves from worries, fears, and especially from feeling powerless over their lives.  They laugh, and their world is set right again."

Scenario 2:

Ezra was having a tough morning - crying over everything, getting angry, frustrated, not playing happily with his brothers.  We were outside looking at our hermit crabs.  Jude went inside to get them water.  He came back with a cupful and poured it into their bowl.  Ezra got mad because he wanted to pour it, not jude.  He bumped the habitat so Jude would spill and then laughed at him.  I asked him to stop because that was mean.  He sat on the floor and started crying. 

"When children are being mean, they are often sending us a signal that they are in need of more love and affection.  The problem is that we may not feel very inclined to offer much affection to children who have been mean, or sassy, or difficult.  Perhaps that's why children feel as if love is a scarce commodity sometimes.  If we get over our reluctance to give out love to children who have been "bad," then it won't be scarce anymore."

"Let's play a game!" I said.  We started with Go-Fish, but it wasn't going so well.  So we turned it into a huge memory game.  Kai got bored and drifted off to read, which was perfect because it gave me a chance to engage with Ezra.  "Let's play the game where Ezra gets all the matches!"  "Yeah!"  So Ezra went around and found all the matches with me cheering for him and calling him the Super-Match Man.  Yay!  And then we went to have a big glass of orange juice (Ezzy's favorite).  Now I see a major change in Ezra's behavior.  He's playing happily with Jude like the sweet, creative, silly, imaginative boy that he is!

"Some parents fear that letting their children play this way will leave them unprepared for the cold, cruel world of their peers.  Other children, after all, would never let them get away with such selfishness.  On the contrary, being in charge of the play and the rules fills children's cup (their need for love and security)- and that refill then leaves them more able to play happily on a level playing field with their peers.  It also helps them play out their tensions and upsets about the confusing world of games, rules, and competition." 

A lot of these ideas are really new to me.  I feel like as a mom I've been carrying a lot of stress and it's hard for me to just loosen up and be silly.  More often than not I'm cracking the whip, so to speak.  But I'm finding the benefits are incredible. So let's get down on the floor and play, laugh and have fun with our kids this week - and see what could happen!

Why I've backed off

Because this is what I find at the end of each day.  Piles and piles of books spread around the house.  All evidence of what Kai has been up to.  In this stack is a mix of readers, science books, chapter books, even a random Abeka book.  When I stop dictating what he needs to read and stop loading him down with vocabulary and spelling words each week, he follows his interests and ends up doing more than I would ever require of him. 

I love those moments when he's reading and he stops to ask me what a word means.  Often it's a book that I know he has read over and over again, and so it's interesting to me that he hasn't asked before about the definition of an unknown word.  But for some reason, at the moment he asks, it has become important to him.  I can watch his face as I tell him the definition and I know the new word is sinking into his vocabulary.  No need to test or drill - he's got it.  When children learn because they need to know something, that knowledge will stick.   To see those moments of true learning happen is the very reason I've backed off. 

I try to really value his questions, too, and let that direct our learning.  If he wants to know something I usually say - remember that question and we'll google it.  (95% of the time I do not know the answer myself!)  We end up watching videos of how things are made or how things work or different animals online and the whole family is into it!  Well, there's your science class! check!  It is so much easier to teach something he wants to know, with his full interest and attention, then something that he's bored with or not interested in.  That's the kind of learning that stays with you for life.  I have to hold back to allow my children to make discoveries.

In saying this, I'm not saying I've dropped all required work.   What I am saying is that I've noticed, as I hold back and create space for Kai, his natural curiosity is leading us in an exciting way.  And in those moments I see in him such an intense expression and amazing focus.  No lesson I design could ever create that moment or produce that depth of learning.

Tonight I had an incredible moment with Ezra that amazingly I captured on film.  I have not worked with him at all, so everything he's learning is through osmosis.  Tonight after his shower he asked if we could get out the letter blocks.  So we sat on the floor to play a little bit and he just sat there and began to make words and sound them out all on his own.  I didn't ask him to do that, or show him how, he just did it.  You can see on his face the joy he is finding in making and sounding out a word on his own.  He is able to concentrate and focus even with his brothers playing all around him. Some of the words he makes are not real words, but they're still fun to sound out. 

I don't think this moment would have happened like this if I had been pushing him and drilling him to learn letter sounds, making him sit and do workbook pages.  That type of work just kills the wonder and joy, especially at this age. 

Seeing that moment is like seeing the joy of learning before my very eyes.  I will do anything and everything to keep that joy and excitement alive. 

Emotions in kids

I'm working my way through, Playful Parenting, and journaling some of my experiences.  I thought I would share straight out of my journal with you this week! 

Scenario 1:

Today we went to our neighbor's birthday party.  Kai was invited to stay over longer with the bigger kids after the party.  Ezra didn't notice until we got home and he asked, "Where is Kai?"  I explained to him that Kai was invited to stay.  Ezra proceeded to burst into tears and sob and sob.  He wanted Kai to come home and play with him; he wanted to go back over, too.  I think deep down he just wanted to be included.  "I NEVER GET TO DO WHAT I WANT!"  Tears and sadness. 

I was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen.  I wanted him to just stop and play with Jude who was happily playing with cars.  His crying and fussing was so irritating to me.  "I don't want to play with Jude!!!"  I wiped my hands and sat on a stool and pulled Ezzy onto my lap.  I held him and scratched his back while he cried and cried.  I echoed his feelings to him and told him I understood how he felt.  Keeping myself calm and comforting while wondering, Will this crying ever stop?

All-of-a-sudden he stopped crying and looked at me with bright eyes.  "Let's bounce a ball on a blanket!  Like one of our soccer balls!"  I suggested a beach ball.  His face lit up.  "Oh yeah!  That would be better!"  he went to get the beach ball.  I got a blanket and roped in Jude and Scott.  We all stood there laughing and bouncing the ball around, for only a few minutes.  Then Ezzy and Jude drifted off to go play together. 

"Many people will do anything to get the crying to stop:  bribe, threaten, tease, plead, scold, send the child away, give in to unreasonable demands.  If we just accept the feelings and let them flow, they don't cause half as much fuss.  And after the tears are really done, everyone feels better."

"Tears are good.  When we release grief and loss and sadness through crying, we generally feel much better, think more clearly, and recover.  These benefits are especially true when we cry with someone who is caring and empathic."

Scenario 2:

Almost time to go out the door - change clothes, eat dinner quickly.  I'm going to my Bible study.  "Why do you always have to go?" says Kai in a very whiny voice.  It feels like such a selfish question.  It's the one thing I do - the only time I ever leave them.  And Kai - the oldest - is fussing about it.  I'm trying to make dinner quickly and Kai starts crying.  Arrgh.  Ok, Leslie, Stop.  Deep breaths.  He's crying - give him comfort - he feels sad.  I remind myself of this because I don't feel very compassionate about his tears at that moment.  So I go in his room and hold him on my lap, just hugging him.  He's so stiff and not very snuggly - but he needs it as much as the others.  Finally through the sobs, it comes out - it's not really about me leaving, it's about something else that happened in the day.  We talk it through.  Now he's fine, ready to hop off and play.  I hold on a little longer - make sure it's all out.  And he's fine again - happier than ever!

"Emotions don't come from nowhere.  It is presumptuous for us to decide which tears to be compassionate about and which ones to dismiss."

"We can cry alone, but it is so much more healing to cry on someone's shoulder.  That's why I recommend that parents not send their children to their rooms to cry alone, or leave them alone to cry themselves to sleep.  It is more time-consuming to stay with them, to help them let out their feelings of loneliness and sadness, but those feelings don't just go away because we shut the door on them."

"If I limit myself to one piece of advice to adults about children's crying, it is this:  Please do not send them off alone to cry.  Tears can be a tremendous opportunity for strengthening a connection between any two people, but especially between parent and child."

The best parenting book...

If you haven't guessed already, I'm talking about the Bible!  When thinking about discipline or parenting in the Bible, most people tend to think of the classic, "spare the rod, spoil the child" scripture.

But, there is a much bigger perspective, I think.

For instance, look at all the times God is referred to as our Father.  That being the case, I think we can look at God's nature and character as a reference or model for parenting.  What kind of father is God?  How does he parent us?  Here are some thoughts and things I've been journaling lately -

On punishment:

"The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.  ...He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve."    Psalm 103:8

Instead of focusing on punishment, focus on meeting our children's needs:

"Your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!"  Matthew 6:8

Translate their behaviors into needs.  Are they bored?  Play with them.  Are they trying to get attention?  Give it to them.  Are they sad? frustrated? angry? scared?  Comfort them.   Meet their needs, don't punish them for these things.

And their greatest need?  Love.  Keep those little love tanks full, in the same way our heavenly Father continues to fill us up with His love each day.

"But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me."  Psalm 42:8

Something I've been reflecting on is the fact that it's not what we do, we can't win God's approval by our actions.  Our children have a deep need to know that we love them as they are, not for what they do.

How to deal with anger in our children:

"A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare." Proverbs 15:1 

On Modeling as a method:

"Don't Lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example."  1 Peter 5:3

On repentance or spanking:

"Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you?  Does this mean nothing to you?  Can't you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?"  or in the NIV, "...God's kindness leads you toward repentance."

I'm so glad God doesn't spank me. It's His kindness that leads to repentance, His great love that makes me want to obey. His intimacy makes it a joy to serve and give and be a part of His family. I want to be more like that. Holy Spirit, Heavenly Father, help me parent my children the way you parent me.

Saying goodbye to TV... again!

About two months ago, our landlord asked us if we could "babysit" a TV in the upstairs apartment while it sat empty.   "Sure!" we replied!  We were able to use a DVD player and have really enjoyed watching movies.  There are those certain moments when it is just so convenient to put a video on for the kids.  But then it seems those moments become more and more common.  And then the kids start to ask for it more often then I'd like.  It sort of snowballs.  Our big thing, too, is letting the kids fall asleep watching a movie.  By the end of the day we're exhausted so it's just easier, but we end up missing out on those precious bedtime moments.

Well, last week new tenants moved in upstairs and so the TV had to go back.  Once again we are living TVless and once again I'm loving it.  We do have an option to watch videos on our computer, but this computer is my lifeline - for really important stuff, you know, like checking my facebook and writing my blogs, right? ;)  No, seriously, we really don't want to use the computer for videos because it is very important to us.  So we decided as a family to have movie night once a week - you know make it a big deal with popcorn and excitement and have that be that.  It's amazing how fast the kids adjust to it, too, and come up with way more creative things to do.

First night without the TV!

It's better this way!

Curious George party

Developing character in our kids

Do you ever see a negative character trait expressed in your child and just cringe?  I believe that part of my job as mom is to help my children in their character development.  In the midst of dealing with difficult behaviors, I have to take deep breaths and remind myself to have grace.  Change is a process.  I have to pray about how to best address these things.  And I have to be diligent and not give up, even though it can be an exhausting process.

It helps to reflect, too.  The hard ages for me to deal with seem to be ages 4&5.  I remember going through a really difficult time with Kai at these ages.  I had times where I wondered if I would ever see results?  Would he ever get it?  "It's ok to be angry, but it's not ok to hit, scream, etc."  I repeated this phrase over and over and over again.  I can look back now and honestly say, he got it.  He did learn and he has gained a good measure of self-control over his emotions.  That's what I have to remember as I deal with Ezra and Jude who each turned 3 and 5 and seem to have entered into new phases with new challenges.

I'm working on teaching them about Honor.  According to this book, honor means: 

Treating people as special

Doing more than what's expected

Having a good attitude

I really like that. 

One last thought

I wanted to share one last bit out of A Mother's Heart.

Drying the dishes one afternoon, I felt trapped.  The children were being especially raucous, and I felt irritated.  They seemed to rub against each other like sandpaper, and a tone of disharmony prevailed.  "What's wrong with them?" I asked as I became more annoyed.

Then I paused and considered myself.  Had I set the unpleasant tone?  Had I been impatient and unkind in my dealings with them?  Had I given them any undivided attention that day?

Gradually, I saw that I was not an innocent victim held captive by a bunch of hooligans.  I was part of the problem, perhaps even the originator of the problem.  How could I turn things around?  I hung up my dish towel and focused my attention on them.

I gathered up several library books and a blanket, and we all climbed onto the couch and covered our legs with the blanket.  I read to them for only half an hour, but the closeness and warmth changed the tone.  No further action was necessary.  I didn't have to correct or lecture them.  It was enough to change my attitude.

To be wise, every woman must start with herself (p. 67-678). 

I was having a really tough morning with Kai the other day when this scene from the book popped in my head.  It actually took extreme effort on my part, but I stopped engaging in the conflict with my children, gathered books and pulled the children onto the couch with me.  We read this book that my sister-in-law gave me.

It did the trick!  Just reading and being together calmed everyone down.  Kai went back to his school work with renewed energy and enthusiasm.  He chose one of the verses in this book to do for his copywork and I copied some of the scriptures that he liked to hang on his wall.

A true gift

You can be physically present and still not make a positive contribution to your children. You can be there, but not be all there. Your mind can be a million miles away, your energy and your ambitions drained by other pursuits. You can focus your attention on your "do list," the television, a good book, or decorating your home, and be oblivious to your child's needs. You may be too busy or too preoccupied to make a significant difference.

 - A Mother's Heart: A Look at Values, Vision, and Character for the Christian Mother

"Rings and jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts.  The only true gift is a portion of thyself."

-Emerson

embracing my limitations

I'm sharing my thoughts from A Mother's Heart: A Look at Values, Vision, and Character for the Christian Mother this week.  This quote is one that hit home with me.

...we sometimes view our children as a hindrance to our involvement in God's plan. Anyone who has tried to lead a Bible study while keeping a toddler entertained or counsel a distraught friend while a baby cries in the background knows how difficult it can be. We need to remind ourselves and each other that our family is our primary ministry and not a frustrating obstacle to "real" ministry.

This is a good reminder for me.  I'm in a season of saying no, staying home and focusing on these little ones.  It's not what I necessarily imagined I would be doing.  Sometimes I have moments where I think about my giftings and talents, things I'm good at that I'm not doing.  It can be a little frustrating.  I'll hear of a need in church or somewhere and think, "I could do that."  And then remember, no, I can't do that, not now.  Maybe later.  I don't know when.  I don't know when this season will end.  I'm sure at some point I'll feel able to add something to my plate, little by little possibly as the children become more independent.

In the meantime I am determined not to miss out on this precious time while I'm at home.  I want to make the most of it because I know it won't last forever.  That's part of the reason I do this blog.  To visually see the things we're doing,  document these days, share the successes and triumphs, get encouragement through the tough times and find a connection.  Thanks for reading along, by the way, and sharing in our journey!

It is encouraging to view this season with purpose and excitement.  Here's something to remember when the day seems to be dragging.

The aspect of mothering that excites me most is knowing I am making a permanent difference in my children's lives. I am a woman of influence. I impart values, stimulate creativity, develop compassion, modify weaknesses, and nurture strengths. I can open life up to another individual. and I can open an individual up to life.

When I read my child a story I am doing far more than entertaining him. I am expanding his world with language, words, thoughts, and imagination.

When I sit beside my child's bed at night to talk and pray, I'm doing far more than cultivating a bedtime ritual. I'm tuning in to what he is thinking, catching up on his day, listening for fears, hopes, and questions. This personal time gives me an opportunity to point him to the Lord Jesus Christ and His relevance to the situations my child faces.

A Mother's Heart, a book review

I have a huge line up of books to read - I'm so excited about that. In the meantime I want to make sure I take the time to process and reflect on what I've read so far. I just finished, A Mother's Heart: A Look at Values, Vision, and Character for the Christian Mother.  This book was a treasure. I gained encouragement from it and I want some of these nuggets to go deep into my soul.

One of the key things I'm taking away from this book is about having a vision for the task. 

Here's a quote:

If commitment to our role as a mother languishes, this may be true not because the job is too small or unchallening but because our vision is too small.  Our dreams for our task may be thin and weak.  We fail to hear God's call and miss the broad scope of the possibilities before us.  We focus instead on the routine activities and demands - changing diapers, potty training, clenaing up messes, telling the kids for the fifth time not to slam the door - and miss any sense of a higher calling. 

Mothers, look up and look ahead!  Ask yourself:  In five, ten, twenty, even forty years, what will I wish that I had done today?  We want to avoid reaching the end of our lives with regret.  Look ahead, decide what is really important and plan to live accordingly. 

Solomon wrote, "A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it" (Proverbs 22:3).  He repeated this saying in Proverbs 27:12.  Perhaps Solomon repeated this proverb because too few of us look ahead, assess our situation, and change direction when necessary.

Several years ago, I heard a dedicated missionary share what she would do differently if she could start raising her family again.  This woman was committed to Christ and his cause, and she spent her life serving others - so the depth and quality of her life made me sit up and listen when she shared.  She said she would stay home more, be kinder to her children and feed them spiritually.

...I long to become more kind in my reactions towards my own children.

I feel like that is my heart's cry right now.  More kindness, more patience, more vision and purpose.  I feel really challenged. 

The rest of the book talks about our calling and vision, values, prayer, taking care of ourselves, teaching, discipline and some creative ideas mixed in.  She really challenges mothers to step it up!

In every generation mothers must answer the call to be what no one else can be and to do what no one else can do for their children.  It isn't that mothers can't do many other things, but if they refuse to accept their calling as mothers some child ends up short changed.  And the empty space that mother leaves echos for generations. 

Mothers are neither the cause of all society's ills nor the saviors of the nation.  But the future of society does depend, in part, on what we do with the children under our care. 

What a challenge!  I'll be sharing more thoughts on the book the rest of this week.

Another confession

I have another confession. I have a slight obsession with parenting books. I'm not quite sure why. I think first and foremost because the topic of children is one that has always interested me. It's what I studied in college and went to graduate school for. Now as a parent I am very intrigued with the way people parent their children. I'm interested in what other people do, what works for them, what they suggest and what the results are. 

Another reason I turn to these books is when I get to a frustration point with my children. When nothing I'm doing seems to be working, I want a quick fix. I want someone to just tell me what to do, really. So I start diving in looking for answers. This way never works, though. Because the reality is, there is no magic formula for parenting. There are no answers, and there is no one you can turn to to tell you, as the mom, what to do with your own children. Sure, a lot of these books proclaim to offer all the answers and if you follow their step-by-step instructions you will have perfectly behaved children. Sounds good, right? Of course it does.

I love what Donald Miller has to say about our human desire to search for a magic formula for life.

"I looked on my shelf at all the self-help books I happened to own... and I realized none of them actually helped me that much. All the promises of fulfillment really didn't work. My life was fairly normal before I read them, meaning I had good days and bad days, and then my life was fairly normal after I read them too, meaning I still had good days and bad days. It made me wonder, honestly, if such a complex existence as the one you and I are living can really be broken down into a few steps. It seems if there was a formula to fix life, Jesus would have told us what it was."

Ba bam.

And then he goes on and says later on,

"I know there are people who have actually gone from misery to happiness, but they didn't do it by walking through three steps; they did it because they had a certain set of parents and heard a certain song and knew somebody who had a certain experience and saw some movie, read some book, had something happen to them like a car wreck or a trip to Seattle. Then they called on God, and a week later read something in a magazine or met a girl in Wichita, and when all this happened they had an epiphany, and somebody may have helped them fulfill what this epiphany made them feel, and several years later they rationalized this mystic experience with three steps, then they told the three steps to us in a book. I'm not saying they weren't trying to be helpful; I bring this up only because life is complex, and the idea that you can break it down or fix it in a few steps is rather silly.

The truth is there are a million steps, and we don't even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and me and they are always changing. I have come to believe the sooner we find this truth beautiful, the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us not to rely on easy answers, bullet points, magic mantras, or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy, and His love."

And really that's what it comes down to. When I reach that wall, that frustration point. The ONLY one who can tell me what to do, guide me, direct me, and above all CHANGE MY HEART, (which is really the only thing that will bring about change in the situation), is God, and He does have the answers I seek.

Having said all that, I still do like parenting books. I haven't just tossed them out the window because they don't offer all that they claim to. I like to read them because I find good ideas in them. Maybe something I haven't tried before. Or maybe something that I already know, but a good reminder, like a pep talk from a coach. A chapter here, a chapter there keeps my thoughts fresh, helps keep me focused on being the mom that I want to be.

Recently I actually got my husband to read a book with me. I am so happy about this. We're already over half-way through it, and he's reading it aloud to me in the evening. The thing I like the most about this is not the actual book itself, but the way it causes Scott and I to start dialoguing. Talking about how we were brought up, or things we do that we want to change, or what we could do differently or better. Reading together helps us to have these conversations that we wouldn't naturally have.

The book talks about Honor-based parenting. I really like that concept. I like the idea of teaching our children honor. That we honor each other in our daily lives, in how we interact with each other.

We're doing something fun right now that we call the "Honor Challenge" We made a poster and wrote down all the things that are honoring behavior. Respect, Listening, Obedience, Kindness, Love, Politeness, Helpfulness, etc.  Then we wrote each persons name and a place for stickers. The rule is you can't give yourself a sticker, or ask for a sticker for yourself. You have to look around at everyone in the family and give other people stickers when you see them do something honoring. It's so much fun to see the boys running to give each other stickers when someone shares, or is kind, or polite. And we're working together. When we fill up our stickers we'll go get a pizza or ice cream as a whole family for a special treat. The reason we're doing this is because our children are still so little and it helps to make the concepts of honor more concrete. It helps them to be aware and see and recognize honoring behavior.

So I'm glad I'm reading that book because it brought my attention to honor. Sure, it lists seven steps to transform your family, that probably won't actually transform my family. Instead we'll probably grow and change "slowly and with time, the way a tree grows by a river," as the Holy Spirit works in us. But focusing on honor and teaching our children these concepts is still a great thing to do.

 

 

Mad Hungry

Mad Hungry: Feeding Men and Boys

I just got this book in the mail from my sister.  Isn't this just the most perfect book for me?  I'm going through it and underlining with a pencil!  Listen to the introduction

"Men eat differently from women - they eat more, they eat constantly, and they eat passionately.  They ransack a packed refrigerator and scrounge crumbs from an empty one.  They eat standing in front of the fridge, and they eat with their fingers.  They always make a mess and never notice.  They are all appetite and no pretense.  'What's for dinner?' is the most important, most burning question.  Food is everything to them and food is nothing until there is none.  And if they're 'mad hungry' with no food in sight, life is a living hell.  But feeding them well is what many of us love to do and few jobs feel as satisfying.  It's what keeps them healthy, keeps them happy, gives them some of their fondest memories and teaches them to cook."

I love it!  Thanks Bop, you're the best!  Recipes to follow...

a book we're enjoying

A House for Hermit Crab (The World of Eric Carle)

I love Eric Carle books. His art work is so unique and the stories are captivating. You might be familiar with some of his most popular books - Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? and Very Hungry Caterpillar. I just wanted to share about A House for Hermit Crab, which is not as well known, because it's a book the boys are really enjoying right now in this time of adjustment. It's a great book to help children through transitions and changes. Here's what it's about:

Eric Carle is the creator of many beloved books about animals, birds and insects, but he says that he feels particularly fond of Hermit Crab, the hero of this book. He wrote and illustrated Hermit Crab's story to show young readers that new experiences are not to be dreaded but are really wonderful opportunities.

This post was written in under 30 minutes as part of the Steady mom 30 minute blog challenge.

Some thoughts on hospitality

Our line of work involves a lot of hospitality. We are in a very relational ministry in which we open our lives and our home to others. Throw 4 children and homeschooling into the mix and things can get a little crazy! For example, here's a little peek at last week: Sunday = 5 people for dinner and meeting (pizza), Tues = 3 for dinner (pasta), Wed = dinner and community meeting at the base, Thursday = 13 at our house for morning classes (egg bake and brownies), 2 for dinner (rice, fish and veggies) and 12 later for a movie, Friday = 12 in the morning and later on a mom + her 2 boys, whose husband is out of town spent the night with us and most of Saturday, too. Each of these events was also completely spontaneous!

My "goal" of hospitality is to offer a nice, relaxing, orderly environment to welcome people into so they can enjoy, share, receive and be blessed. Honestly, I've had to drop this "ideal," because the reality is it can't always happen. But, truly, an open heart to love and bless others can go a long way. I've learned to open my door and let others in even when things are a mess, slightly chaotic and maybe when they walk through the door I'm stirring a pot with a baby strapped to me, sweating like a pig and wearing sweat pants.

Sure, this is not my ideal, this is not perfect hospitality, but this is my reality - this is where I'm at. I can try as hard as I can to appear to others that I "have it all together," and I will fail miserably. I just literally cannot stay on top of everything.

So, when Scott calls at 5:00 pm and says he's bringing 3 people up for dinner, I know that those people are more important than the state of my home or the quality of food we will eat. Here's a quote from Karen's Main's book, "Open Heart, Open Home." She talks about entertainment vs. hospitality. I had never really thought of it this way.

"Entertainment says, 'I want to impress you with my beautiful home, my clever decorating, my gourmet cooking.' Hospitality, however, seeks to minister. It says, 'This home is not mine. It is truly a gift from my Master. I am his servant, and I use it as he desires.' Hospitality does not try to impress, but to serve" (p. 29).

"Working hard to keep people from recognizing our weak points, we also prevent them from loving us in our weakness. Because hospitality has put away its pride, it doesn't care if other people see our humanness" (p.30).

Believe me, people are definitely seeing my humanness right now! But what a joy to share, welcome friends and build new friendships. It's an honor and a privilege. I'm learning humility and it's really good for me.

So, naturally, I'm thinking about a lot of these things as we're searching for a new home in Jaco. What kind of home will we have? What will we do in this home? What will hospitality look like? The uncertainty and transition is excruciating for me. Especially as momma bear instincts kick in, wanting to have a secure environment for my 4 little ones.

A friend emailed me some words of wisdom, " I truly believe deep down that all ministry starts at home – our lives, our marriages, our children, our family – these are the greatest gifts we will give. More than Jaco needs a ministry, Jaco needs you – your thoughtful heart, your dedication to the four little ones entrusted to your care, your strong beliefs in attachment and life. So finding a lifegiving place to live and be is perhaps the first pivotal decision, ministry will flow from that. So take a deep breath, and let God lead you to where He wants you to be for this season."

Amen to that. There has to be balance. I can offer hospitality to people, but if I don't offer it to my own husband and children first, it will have zero impact - and can even be detrimental. Hospitality has to begin in my heart, with my own family, and out of that it can flow to others. So as we search for a new home I'm reflecting on what it means to have a home. I'm also searching to align my priorities and to make sure I have things in the right order.

What about you? I'd love to hear others' thoughts on hospitality.

Open Heart, Open Home: The Hospitable Way to Make Others Feel Welcome and Wanted

Gratitude

I'm lifting my heart in thankfulness and finding the gifts - sometimes obvious, sometimes hidden - in each day. Counting my way to 1,000....

35. My husband waking me up with coffee in bed every morning.
36. Our neighborhood street where the kids can ride bikes and skateboards and run free.
37. New books and clothes from my sister-in-law - it's like Christmas!
38. A donation specified specifically for "household help." Yeeehaw!
39. A cooler day today after some really hot ones!
40. my boys, my boys, my boys! I love them so much!
41. Jude's little voice and new words he says each day - so much enthusiasm! I'm particularly enjoying the way he says, "yes." It's so cute!
42. Ezzy's profound statements and prayers continue to amaze me.
43. Kai's kindness and sensitivity.
44. Koa's smiles, giggles and cuteness - his dark hair and blue eyes.

multitude monday is here

A homeschool afternoon

Start out with a little "pool" because it's so hot!

When everyone's nice and cool we take our supplies under a shady tree on a blanket - alphabet blocks for the little ones, create-a-calendar for Kai and our read-aloud.

Everyone's busy!

I love these blocks - they have the letter and then a little something inside that starts with the letter - great for learning those letter sounds!

A happy baby!

Kai works on his calendar and I read him the last chapter of our book, The Hundred Dresses. Yes, I teared up a little at the end! These books are so good. They lead to some great conversations, too.

Time for a little snuggling!

Kai runs inside to see what our next scheduled read-aloud is and brings it outside to check it out - it's Johnny Appleseed. He's anxious to get started!

Some kisses from Jude

I love this boy.

Giggles.

He's still happy and talking away! I think he just loves being a part of it all.

We even manage to get some math done, too.

Way to go, Kai!

What a lovely afternoon. Time to go make dinner!

Photo Story Friday is here!