a week in San Jose

Sometimes God has surprises for us.  This week was one of those for me.  We went to San Jose to take part in a seminar on marriage and family.  It was a really special time for Scott and me to take time out and focus on what's really important.  Here are some highlights:

While Scott and I were in class, the kids worked on building a club house.

They found scraps from all the construction going on around the base.

They worked together to build their club.

Phew, it's hard work!

Making music with Scott during a rainy afternoon before dinner.



What joy!  I got to hold my little sleeping Koa through the morning sessions.



 Jack Kody shared about marriage and parenting.

It's been so long since I've been able to just sit and receive, I can't believe this actually worked out!

Jude took time out from playing for a nap with mom, too!

Meanwhile, on Friday the finishing touches were being made.

...and - the club house is finished!

yay!

The boys also had fun on the skateboard ramps each day.

Ezzy skateboarding.

Lemuel thinks my boys are his "primos," - cousins!  So cute!

The best part?  No cooking or cleaning or dishes ALL WEEK!  I love the food on the base!


I think we all needed this more than we knew.

A Mother's Heart, a book review

I have a huge line up of books to read - I'm so excited about that. In the meantime I want to make sure I take the time to process and reflect on what I've read so far. I just finished, A Mother's Heart: A Look at Values, Vision, and Character for the Christian Mother.  This book was a treasure. I gained encouragement from it and I want some of these nuggets to go deep into my soul.

One of the key things I'm taking away from this book is about having a vision for the task. 

Here's a quote:

If commitment to our role as a mother languishes, this may be true not because the job is too small or unchallening but because our vision is too small.  Our dreams for our task may be thin and weak.  We fail to hear God's call and miss the broad scope of the possibilities before us.  We focus instead on the routine activities and demands - changing diapers, potty training, clenaing up messes, telling the kids for the fifth time not to slam the door - and miss any sense of a higher calling. 

Mothers, look up and look ahead!  Ask yourself:  In five, ten, twenty, even forty years, what will I wish that I had done today?  We want to avoid reaching the end of our lives with regret.  Look ahead, decide what is really important and plan to live accordingly. 

Solomon wrote, "A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it" (Proverbs 22:3).  He repeated this saying in Proverbs 27:12.  Perhaps Solomon repeated this proverb because too few of us look ahead, assess our situation, and change direction when necessary.

Several years ago, I heard a dedicated missionary share what she would do differently if she could start raising her family again.  This woman was committed to Christ and his cause, and she spent her life serving others - so the depth and quality of her life made me sit up and listen when she shared.  She said she would stay home more, be kinder to her children and feed them spiritually.

...I long to become more kind in my reactions towards my own children.

I feel like that is my heart's cry right now.  More kindness, more patience, more vision and purpose.  I feel really challenged. 

The rest of the book talks about our calling and vision, values, prayer, taking care of ourselves, teaching, discipline and some creative ideas mixed in.  She really challenges mothers to step it up!

In every generation mothers must answer the call to be what no one else can be and to do what no one else can do for their children.  It isn't that mothers can't do many other things, but if they refuse to accept their calling as mothers some child ends up short changed.  And the empty space that mother leaves echos for generations. 

Mothers are neither the cause of all society's ills nor the saviors of the nation.  But the future of society does depend, in part, on what we do with the children under our care. 

What a challenge!  I'll be sharing more thoughts on the book the rest of this week.

Another confession

I have another confession. I have a slight obsession with parenting books. I'm not quite sure why. I think first and foremost because the topic of children is one that has always interested me. It's what I studied in college and went to graduate school for. Now as a parent I am very intrigued with the way people parent their children. I'm interested in what other people do, what works for them, what they suggest and what the results are. 

Another reason I turn to these books is when I get to a frustration point with my children. When nothing I'm doing seems to be working, I want a quick fix. I want someone to just tell me what to do, really. So I start diving in looking for answers. This way never works, though. Because the reality is, there is no magic formula for parenting. There are no answers, and there is no one you can turn to to tell you, as the mom, what to do with your own children. Sure, a lot of these books proclaim to offer all the answers and if you follow their step-by-step instructions you will have perfectly behaved children. Sounds good, right? Of course it does.

I love what Donald Miller has to say about our human desire to search for a magic formula for life.

"I looked on my shelf at all the self-help books I happened to own... and I realized none of them actually helped me that much. All the promises of fulfillment really didn't work. My life was fairly normal before I read them, meaning I had good days and bad days, and then my life was fairly normal after I read them too, meaning I still had good days and bad days. It made me wonder, honestly, if such a complex existence as the one you and I are living can really be broken down into a few steps. It seems if there was a formula to fix life, Jesus would have told us what it was."

Ba bam.

And then he goes on and says later on,

"I know there are people who have actually gone from misery to happiness, but they didn't do it by walking through three steps; they did it because they had a certain set of parents and heard a certain song and knew somebody who had a certain experience and saw some movie, read some book, had something happen to them like a car wreck or a trip to Seattle. Then they called on God, and a week later read something in a magazine or met a girl in Wichita, and when all this happened they had an epiphany, and somebody may have helped them fulfill what this epiphany made them feel, and several years later they rationalized this mystic experience with three steps, then they told the three steps to us in a book. I'm not saying they weren't trying to be helpful; I bring this up only because life is complex, and the idea that you can break it down or fix it in a few steps is rather silly.

The truth is there are a million steps, and we don't even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and me and they are always changing. I have come to believe the sooner we find this truth beautiful, the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us not to rely on easy answers, bullet points, magic mantras, or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy, and His love."

And really that's what it comes down to. When I reach that wall, that frustration point. The ONLY one who can tell me what to do, guide me, direct me, and above all CHANGE MY HEART, (which is really the only thing that will bring about change in the situation), is God, and He does have the answers I seek.

Having said all that, I still do like parenting books. I haven't just tossed them out the window because they don't offer all that they claim to. I like to read them because I find good ideas in them. Maybe something I haven't tried before. Or maybe something that I already know, but a good reminder, like a pep talk from a coach. A chapter here, a chapter there keeps my thoughts fresh, helps keep me focused on being the mom that I want to be.

Recently I actually got my husband to read a book with me. I am so happy about this. We're already over half-way through it, and he's reading it aloud to me in the evening. The thing I like the most about this is not the actual book itself, but the way it causes Scott and I to start dialoguing. Talking about how we were brought up, or things we do that we want to change, or what we could do differently or better. Reading together helps us to have these conversations that we wouldn't naturally have.

The book talks about Honor-based parenting. I really like that concept. I like the idea of teaching our children honor. That we honor each other in our daily lives, in how we interact with each other.

We're doing something fun right now that we call the "Honor Challenge" We made a poster and wrote down all the things that are honoring behavior. Respect, Listening, Obedience, Kindness, Love, Politeness, Helpfulness, etc.  Then we wrote each persons name and a place for stickers. The rule is you can't give yourself a sticker, or ask for a sticker for yourself. You have to look around at everyone in the family and give other people stickers when you see them do something honoring. It's so much fun to see the boys running to give each other stickers when someone shares, or is kind, or polite. And we're working together. When we fill up our stickers we'll go get a pizza or ice cream as a whole family for a special treat. The reason we're doing this is because our children are still so little and it helps to make the concepts of honor more concrete. It helps them to be aware and see and recognize honoring behavior.

So I'm glad I'm reading that book because it brought my attention to honor. Sure, it lists seven steps to transform your family, that probably won't actually transform my family. Instead we'll probably grow and change "slowly and with time, the way a tree grows by a river," as the Holy Spirit works in us. But focusing on honor and teaching our children these concepts is still a great thing to do.

 

 

Getting there...

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good." Genesis 50:20

Getting to Jaco has not been easy. In fact it was one of the hardest things we've ever gone through as a family.

There was so much confusion, miscommunication and misunderstanding in finding the right home - even to the point of almost damaging important relationships in Jaco.

Then we struggled with our landlord to be released 15 days early from our contract so we wouldn't have to pay rent in two places. The stress of waiting to find out and not knowing what to do was overwhelming. We finally heard from our landlord the night of the 31st that we would have to be out by the morning.

We had to remain in San Jose for another week to finish up the children at risk school, but had no where to stay.

Scott severely injured his knee.

We all got hit - the WHOLE family - with a major stomach bug involving vomitting and diarrhea and sleepless nights going through that with all the children.

"...but God intended it all for good."

Yes, you could say it's been a rough few weeks. But in all these hardships and what feels like a spiritual battle, we have not been defeated. We win. And this is why.

In the midst of the confusion of finding the right home, God gave us peace and showed us clearly the house He has for us. He gave us a price that is unheard of in this area. All relationships are intact.

Even though we found out that we had to move at the last minute, we called friends from YWAM and over 10 people showed up the night of the 31st and packed our whole house up. They stayed til the job was done. A friend had a friend who has a moving truck and it all worked out. While Scott was with the moving truck in Jaco, other friends had the boys over to play. 7 more people showed up to help me scrub and clean the house so we could get our deposit back. We were never alone.

At the same time, a family welcomed us into their home and asked us to stay as long as we needed to. They cared for us when Scott injured his knee so I wasn't on my own taking care of everyone. They cared for us when everyone was sick. They loved us and our children and treated us like their own family.

Two friends volunteered to go with me to Jaco and help me set up the house ahead of time so it would be ready when we arrived with our boys. When I got sick in Jaco and passed out on the bathroom floor, they unpacked for me and when we couldn't finish, they even made the trip with me a second time so we could finish up.

I think the enemy was really trying to discourage us in any way possible, but God, using His body, the body of Christ, showed us love through these friends that were there for us in our time of need. It's humbling to be in such a place of need. But I am left completely amazed and overwhelmed and thankful. God used these trying circumstances to show us His love and power in an amazing way - through the love and care of those around us. We're home now and we're settling in and we're at peace.

Gratitude - today more than ever

I need to do my gratitude post today. While inside I'm in turmoil and freaking out, I need to take time to get back to a place of thankfulness.

56. my husband being the strong one for me when I need it.
57. so many people offering to help.
58. details being worked out beneath the surface by the hand of our mighty God.
59. small victories day by day.
60. patience to wait, trust and move in faith.
61. roasting hot dogs over a fire at a friends' house last night.
62. a "sleepover" in mommy's room while scott was away this weekend - complete with sleeping bags, popcorn, some wrestling and a movie.
63. a new home to move in to at the price we asked for.
64. a new adventure waiting on the horizon - so many unknowns and so many possibilities.
65. living a life of faith - without a salary - we have to trust God for our every need, we are so dependent on Him. It's scary, but the reality is, it's a blessing.
66. Scott, before heading out the door, just grabbing me and breathing a prayer over me. I love him.
67. Knowing that God is good.

Multitude Monday at Holy Experience.