Merry Christmas!

We had a hard time getting a good family photo this year!

We got some good ones of the kids, though.

Kai James, 7

Ezra William, 5

Jude Paul, 3

Koa Jeffrey, 1

4 brothers

I love this one, too.  But the winning photo is...

Ta da!  Merry Christmas!

From sunny Costa Rica, wishing you a joyful holiday season filled with love and laughter!

Some Fun Videos

The boys skateboarding



An obstacle course in our backyard



And a fight at the mall

quotable

Jude:  "Wet's pway someting."

"I don't wike girls... but I wike you."

Ezzy:  Mommy, I wish we were people that buyed expensive stuff.

Me:  Like what?

Ezzy:  Like chocolate cookies that are expensive and cereal that is expensive.

Ezra sings a lot. He has this funny little deep pitched voice and his songs come out more like a chant that he repeats over and over.  Here are a few of his lyrics:

"Why would a momma chase an elephant?" (repeat over and over)

"I love God.

He's so strong and mighty and He has all the powers in the world

oooh... yeah....

I love God.

He's so awesome.

He can save us from all the bad guys in the world.

Oh....

My brothers hit me sometimes.

And it hurts so bad.

Just like God dying on the cross."

"Even when we're fighting and being mean to each other, God still loves you."

"I got lost in the woods.

My mom and dad couldn't find me.

It was so sad.

I couln't find the end of the jungle.

And my mom and dad couldn't find me." 

I overheard Jude and Ezra talking.  Jude was telling Ezra, "Mommy's my best friend."

Ezra holding a straw and waving it at Koa who is crawling on the floor.  He looks at me and says, "I'm training him."

Feeling Powerless

I'm sharing Playful Parenting techniques from my journal again today. ( Here, here and here are previous posts I've written on the topic).

Scenario 1:

Today the boys were playing with a belt.  Kai was pulling it while Ezra and Jude pulled the other way.  It was a fun game at first until Ezra got really frustrated and started crying and yelling at Kai.  I was coming over to help them sort the whole thing out when I decided to try another tactic. 

I grabbed the belt and ran, "Try to get me!"  At first Ezra looked at me angrily.  Kai and Jude were giggling and began to chase me.  Soon Ezra was giggling, too.  He chased me and I let him get the belt from me.  He threw it behind the couch declaring it to be in "cortis" (timeout in Costa Rica).  I began to sob really loud.  The boys were cracking up.  Kai came in with another belt which ended up in "cortis" too, behind the couch.  I sobbed again.  More laughs.  Then I said, "Let's have a snack."  And everyone went giggling happily to the table.

Imagine if you took all the time you now spend fussing at siblings to stop fighting, and you spent it playing with them.  What would happen?  I bet they'd fight less, enjoy each other more, and you'd have fun, too.  A great game for siblings is to grab the thing they are fighting over and run."

"If you think about what makes children giggle, often it's when reality is suspended and roles are reversed.  These are giggles of liberation as they are freeing themselves from worries, fears, and especially from feeling powerless over their lives.  They laugh, and their world is set right again."

Scenario 2:

Ezra was having a tough morning - crying over everything, getting angry, frustrated, not playing happily with his brothers.  We were outside looking at our hermit crabs.  Jude went inside to get them water.  He came back with a cupful and poured it into their bowl.  Ezra got mad because he wanted to pour it, not jude.  He bumped the habitat so Jude would spill and then laughed at him.  I asked him to stop because that was mean.  He sat on the floor and started crying. 

"When children are being mean, they are often sending us a signal that they are in need of more love and affection.  The problem is that we may not feel very inclined to offer much affection to children who have been mean, or sassy, or difficult.  Perhaps that's why children feel as if love is a scarce commodity sometimes.  If we get over our reluctance to give out love to children who have been "bad," then it won't be scarce anymore."

"Let's play a game!" I said.  We started with Go-Fish, but it wasn't going so well.  So we turned it into a huge memory game.  Kai got bored and drifted off to read, which was perfect because it gave me a chance to engage with Ezra.  "Let's play the game where Ezra gets all the matches!"  "Yeah!"  So Ezra went around and found all the matches with me cheering for him and calling him the Super-Match Man.  Yay!  And then we went to have a big glass of orange juice (Ezzy's favorite).  Now I see a major change in Ezra's behavior.  He's playing happily with Jude like the sweet, creative, silly, imaginative boy that he is!

"Some parents fear that letting their children play this way will leave them unprepared for the cold, cruel world of their peers.  Other children, after all, would never let them get away with such selfishness.  On the contrary, being in charge of the play and the rules fills children's cup (their need for love and security)- and that refill then leaves them more able to play happily on a level playing field with their peers.  It also helps them play out their tensions and upsets about the confusing world of games, rules, and competition." 

A lot of these ideas are really new to me.  I feel like as a mom I've been carrying a lot of stress and it's hard for me to just loosen up and be silly.  More often than not I'm cracking the whip, so to speak.  But I'm finding the benefits are incredible. So let's get down on the floor and play, laugh and have fun with our kids this week - and see what could happen!

this moment: I'm learning to...

For some reason it's really hard for me, but I know my family needs it.

I let my children fight

Yes, it's true.  I'm outnumbered here 5:1, so I learned pretty quickly to let boys be boys.  But we do have some ground rules:

1.  Playfighting is allowed, real fights are not.  If you visit my home you will here me asking, "Is this a playfight or a real fight?"  If both children answer, "playfight!" then it's allowed.  If not, it will stop immediately.

2.  To qualify as a "playfight" both children must agree it's a playfight.  In otherwords, if one child thinks it's a playfight and the other one feels it's a real fight, then it must stop immediately.

3.  There are some risks involved.  If you choose to playfight, you may get hurt.  If this happens, I usually recommend that the child takes a break.  When I recommend this, the child usually all-of-a-sudden feels better and decides that to keep playing would be way more fun than taking a break, and maybe is not feeling so hurt after all.

4.  Koa just can't wait to get in on the action.

Here's what I'm talking about...  beware this video is not for the faint of heart.  You may see some intense moments, but just look and you'll see the smiles on the faces.  It's taken me awhile to understand the strange world of boys - but I think stuff like this is a huge part of it, and possibly very necessary...

Counting Blessings on a Monday

198.  A relatively successful church attendance for the family.
199.  The way Kai takes charge and organizes his day, filling it with fun and productive activities.
200.  Play-fighting with lots of laughter.
201.  The silliness of these boys.
202.  Prayers and advice at women's Bible study.
203.  Hide and go seek at the park.
204.  Writing in my journal consistently again.
205.  Your powerful majestic lightning and thunder.
206.  bookshelves
207.  re-arranging furniture.
209.  benadryl
210.  Walking with my neighbor.
212.  My neighbor starting to homeschool.
214.  Provision
215.  rain, rain and more rain.
217.  Our awesome backyard.
219.  Getting our brakes fixed on the car so quickly.
221.  Christians in Jaco.
222.  Our amazing hermit crabs that are somehow still alive.
223.  Never having to even think about trash or stress about dishes because my husband is so on top of it.
225.  Feeling a flow with homeschool.
226.  Finally, a flexible schedule that Kai likes and sticks to.
227.  Little boys washing dishes.
228.  Koa learning to swim.
229.  Finding a little soccer club for Kai and he loves it.
230.  One-on-one time with Jude.

What is my husband's greatest strength?

He loves people.


I am so challenged by him. I do love people. A lot. But I fear I love myself more. MY time, MY feelings, MY emotions, MY needs.


But here is a man who truly puts others first. Not out of some great sacrifice, or because it's the "right" thing to do, but because he just loves people. He gets so much joy from them.


In that way, I think he's a lot like Jesus.

{this moment}

A single photo - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Yes, this is what it looks like. My baby has a tattoo. While I wasn't looking, Ezzy found this in a cereal box and enthusiastically applied it to Koa's leg. It gave me such a good laugh, I just had to share!

Making Changes

I'll confess something.  Sometimes it's hard for me to leave the house.  I know that sounds crazy, but it's just the effort of tearing myself free from my children and chores and when I do have a chance to go out I'd usually rather just rest and read and be quiet.  But I know my hermit tendencies are not healthy and in reality make me unhappy.

I read this article last week called "The Trouble with Motherhood" and it brought me to tears.  It made me realize I need to make some changes.  So I sat down and just sort of wrote out how I was feeling and what I thought would help. Basically it involved sitting with my hubby and making a more detailed schedule of our lives.  We're at a phase of life where if it's not "scheduled" in, it won't happen!  So now I have 7 a.m. - 8 a.m. scheduled for me before Scott goes out the door at 8.  Scott does breakfast and Bible with the kids and I get to have a little time.

This week I went walking on the beach, just me and God.  I played tennis with a friend.  I even went to a women's fellowship Saturday night, even though I didn't want to and I was tired.  My husband actually prayed for me going out the door!  Isn't that silly, but so sweet?  I ended up staying until 10:30 pm and laughing so hard I was crying.  I feel better, I feel more alive, I feel more creative and joyful.  I think for us moms it's the little things.  Small choices can make such huge difference.

Steady Mom's 30-minute blog challenge 

a great post about sibling rivalry

I really liked this post at Holy Experience. I read it to the boys this morning, summarizing it in ways that they could understand. I couldn't get through it without crying. The pictures are impacting and I think Ezzy and Kai really got the message of it.

I also liked this 10 point manifest for joyful mothering also from Holy Experience and wanted to share it here, too.


1. Today, I will make our home a house of prayer. I will pray at set times. And I will invite oru children to come move into an interior space that lives with God.

2. Today, I will transfigure all things into beauty, and I will refuse to see anything else.

3. Today, I will nto have any emergencies. There are no emergencies! Only amateurs hurry.

4. Today, when stress mounts, I pray to dismount it with gratitude. My stress management plan will be intervention with verbal thanks. I can only feel one feeling at a time, and I choose to give thanks at all times. Fight feeling with feeling!

5. Today, I will pray to speak words that are only STRONG words, words that make these children feel strong. Grace words. Grace is the only non-toxic air. All other words I breathe are death words.

6. Today, I will pray to be consistently consistent. I will create safe rhythms that our children can find security in. I will create daily ceremonies because everyday we are celebrating the gift of now!

7. Today, the moment when I am most repelled by a child's behavior, that is my sign to draw the very closest to that child.

8. Today, I will hug each of my children as many times as I serve them meals - because children's hearts feed on touch. I'll look for as many opportunities to touch my children today as possible - the taller they are, the more so.

9. Today, my priorities will be all Things Unseen.

10. Today, I will laugh! And I will let the little children laugh! I will create a culture of JOY!

Wow, what a challenging list! I am especially challenged by number 7. I think that is going to be my specific goal for the next few days. I'm struggling with Ezra again. I've mentioned his behavior before on this blog site. He has such an intensity about him. He's at a really high frustration level right now too. He wants things to be a certain way and if they aren't he gets so upset. I feel like I relate to him, I know how he feels. I was a lot like him as a child. So, I actually feel bad for him because it's hard to feel that way. But then when the crying just continues and continues and won't stop, I start to lose my patience and I don't know what to do anymore. Especially because his crying is usually interrupting something else and interfering with other things we're doing or waking up a baby that I struggled so hard to get to sleep. So, I'm going to keep praying and keep drawing closer to him. Even when I don't know what to do, God does and so I'm going to lean on Him more to show me how to love this little boy beyond my own strength.

Learning to swim... Jude style

Those who know Jude, know his infectious personality, his win-you-over smile and contagious laugh. When it comes to learning how to swim, as in most things he does, he doesn't hold back. Right now he has us laughing watching him do belly flop after belly flop. He just runs head first into the pool! He's not one to be left behind, so he's doing double-time to keep up with his big brothers!

Tips for making an ant farm

1. Do not try to put ants barehanded into an ant farm. They will bite, your hands will swell. They will also crawl all over your body - down your shirt and pants, before you can stop them.
2. Do not try this 5x.
3. Do not attack an anthill with a spatula while barefooted and 3 small boys watch. The ants will go crazy, spread quickly and bite.
4. Do put ants you've collected in the fridge for up to 15 minutes before handling them - it does not kill them, but makes them inactive so you can get them into the farm.
5. Realize that the ants will only remain inactive for a few seconds. During this time do not spill dirt and ants all over the counter.
6. If that does happen, screaming won't help the situation.
7. At the end of the process, once the ants are safely inside, enjoy watching them dig their tunnels, it's actually pretty AMAZING.
8. Be sure to read lots of books about ants along with your ant farm project.
9. Beware if guests come and warn them not to SHAKE the ant farm. Yes, this happened. Even my two-year old knows not to shake it. But a full grown adult shook it and in seconds destroyed all the tunnels the ants had spent hours making. I suggest putting a little note or something by your ant farm so guests are warned not to do this. You just never know.
10. Have fun!

More 30-minute Steady Mom challenges are here.

Is Jude a baby or a big boy? We're not sure!

Hosted by Cecily

Learning to Enjoy

As I'm starting my 5th week of homeschool, one of the benefits I'm experiencing is a greater enjoyment of my children. So, I've been asking myself why that is and I think these are some reasons.

Starting homeschool and committing to be a full-time mom without any outside commitments has allowed me to focus my energy, gifts, talents - all that I am into this "job." I like Jamie Martin's phrase, "Intentional, professional motherhood." Without other distractions I can completely focus on my children and home and I'm finding this brings a greater sense of enjoyment for me personally. My children aren't in the way of something I'm trying to do - they ARE what I'm trying to do! It's much more fun that way.

making brownies

paint with water

a homemade volcano

This focus leads to the next benefit - an increased closeness with my children. Spending all this quality time together, I find I'm learning new things about each one. I'm getting to know them in ways I didn't before. And as I get to know them and gain a greater understanding of their personality and character I find I'm enjoying them so much more. They make me laugh and I actually have fun with them. Isn't it true the people you have the most fun with generally are the people you know the best that you've spent a lot of time with? I'm finding it's true with my children too!

Learning together with my kids is also something I'm finding I really enjoy! Allowing that natural curiosity to lead and discover new things creates a bond and a closeness that feels really good. It helps me to delight in my children.

water color play
more color play

Finally, something recently that has caused me to enjoy my kids more is the death of our over-used portable DVD player. This was a week without any visual entertainment. It took a little time to adjust, but we have read way more books, the boys have played together more and I've gotten more creative. All these things lead to a great enjoyment of my children.

homemade dough and dinosaur fun

I think that if I'm honest, I would say that enjoying my kids i s not what comes naturally. My natural tendency is to feel frustrated, irritated, even angry and overwhelmed. But, I'm learning there are things I can do to help me not just "survive" these days of small children, but to truly enjoy them. I want to live with no regrets and also hopefully lay a foundation for positive relationships into the teen and adult years.

I had some reservations writing this post, because I don't want to sound like I have it all together or things are perfect - far from it! I'm not saying everything is a joy and delight. But I am saying I have an increased enjoyment, for these reasons, and I'm so thankful for it. I'm also not saying these are the only ways to enjoy your children, I'm just sharing what I'm experiencing right now and I'm loving it.

"twinkle twinkle" recorded by Kai

What about you? What are things that increase your enjoyment of your children? I'd love to hear from you!

This gave me a really good chuckle today

Yes, that's Ezzy, Asleep on the toilet. Never seen that before!