Why I've backed off

Because this is what I find at the end of each day.  Piles and piles of books spread around the house.  All evidence of what Kai has been up to.  In this stack is a mix of readers, science books, chapter books, even a random Abeka book.  When I stop dictating what he needs to read and stop loading him down with vocabulary and spelling words each week, he follows his interests and ends up doing more than I would ever require of him. 

I love those moments when he's reading and he stops to ask me what a word means.  Often it's a book that I know he has read over and over again, and so it's interesting to me that he hasn't asked before about the definition of an unknown word.  But for some reason, at the moment he asks, it has become important to him.  I can watch his face as I tell him the definition and I know the new word is sinking into his vocabulary.  No need to test or drill - he's got it.  When children learn because they need to know something, that knowledge will stick.   To see those moments of true learning happen is the very reason I've backed off. 

I try to really value his questions, too, and let that direct our learning.  If he wants to know something I usually say - remember that question and we'll google it.  (95% of the time I do not know the answer myself!)  We end up watching videos of how things are made or how things work or different animals online and the whole family is into it!  Well, there's your science class! check!  It is so much easier to teach something he wants to know, with his full interest and attention, then something that he's bored with or not interested in.  That's the kind of learning that stays with you for life.  I have to hold back to allow my children to make discoveries.

In saying this, I'm not saying I've dropped all required work.   What I am saying is that I've noticed, as I hold back and create space for Kai, his natural curiosity is leading us in an exciting way.  And in those moments I see in him such an intense expression and amazing focus.  No lesson I design could ever create that moment or produce that depth of learning.

Tonight I had an incredible moment with Ezra that amazingly I captured on film.  I have not worked with him at all, so everything he's learning is through osmosis.  Tonight after his shower he asked if we could get out the letter blocks.  So we sat on the floor to play a little bit and he just sat there and began to make words and sound them out all on his own.  I didn't ask him to do that, or show him how, he just did it.  You can see on his face the joy he is finding in making and sounding out a word on his own.  He is able to concentrate and focus even with his brothers playing all around him. Some of the words he makes are not real words, but they're still fun to sound out. 

I don't think this moment would have happened like this if I had been pushing him and drilling him to learn letter sounds, making him sit and do workbook pages.  That type of work just kills the wonder and joy, especially at this age. 

Seeing that moment is like seeing the joy of learning before my very eyes.  I will do anything and everything to keep that joy and excitement alive. 

Curious George party

One last thought

I wanted to share one last bit out of A Mother's Heart.

Drying the dishes one afternoon, I felt trapped.  The children were being especially raucous, and I felt irritated.  They seemed to rub against each other like sandpaper, and a tone of disharmony prevailed.  "What's wrong with them?" I asked as I became more annoyed.

Then I paused and considered myself.  Had I set the unpleasant tone?  Had I been impatient and unkind in my dealings with them?  Had I given them any undivided attention that day?

Gradually, I saw that I was not an innocent victim held captive by a bunch of hooligans.  I was part of the problem, perhaps even the originator of the problem.  How could I turn things around?  I hung up my dish towel and focused my attention on them.

I gathered up several library books and a blanket, and we all climbed onto the couch and covered our legs with the blanket.  I read to them for only half an hour, but the closeness and warmth changed the tone.  No further action was necessary.  I didn't have to correct or lecture them.  It was enough to change my attitude.

To be wise, every woman must start with herself (p. 67-678). 

I was having a really tough morning with Kai the other day when this scene from the book popped in my head.  It actually took extreme effort on my part, but I stopped engaging in the conflict with my children, gathered books and pulled the children onto the couch with me.  We read this book that my sister-in-law gave me.

It did the trick!  Just reading and being together calmed everyone down.  Kai went back to his school work with renewed energy and enthusiasm.  He chose one of the verses in this book to do for his copywork and I copied some of the scriptures that he liked to hang on his wall.

math struggles

The last two weeks have seen Kai and I seriously struggling to get his math work done.  His eyes glaze over, he says he's "soooo tired," and resists in every way.  I've been trying to push through with the Horizon curriculum we purchased because it was expensive.   Honestly, I was expecting it to be something totally different than it is - which is basically just a set of workbooks with a teacher's manual.  I've also been sticking with it because I don't have the confidence to really know which direction to go with math.  And somewhere in the back of my head there's this little nagging thought, "Is he behind other children?" and "Is he where he needs to be?"   The curriculum has been a crutch for me to lean on to give me that security of knowing that I'm headed in the "right" direction.  But it's not working.  Kai is unhappy.  I am unhappy.  Our relationship becomes strained as I push him to do something he doesn't want to do.  My joyful, happy, curious boy is becoming whiny and grumpy.

Something clicked on Friday when he looked up at me and grabbed his head, "My brain is getting too fat," he said.  "It's too filled up than it's supposed to be." 


I really had to pause and just listen to those words, to really grasp what he was trying to communicate to me.  It was a description of a painful situation for him.  It's time to re-evaluate what I'm doing and make changes.

I spent time this weekend reading through some of my books and exploring articles and blog posts about math.  And crying some, too, just feeling bad about how things are going. 

Here's a few quotes and thoughts and things I'm thinking through.

These are from The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook

"Your curriculum should be tailored to your child and provide him much more time to pursue his interests than your workbooks.  For many parents a good curriculum provides feelings of security.  But parents need to learn how children develop and learn." 

"Why struggle with and push our children to learn something when they don't want to?  'To everything there is a season,' wrote King Solomon.  The wise parent, we have discovered, patiently waits for 'springtime' and 'harvest' rather than forcing something prematurely.  When we find ourselves pushing, we back off and try a new tack."

And from The Three R's by Ruth Beechick


"Practically every item in the first grade curriculum can be taught using real-life methods.  In fact, they are better taught in real life, including games, than in daily sit-down arithmetic lessons.  ...As a homeschool teacher you do not need a workbook and daily written assignments such as a classroom teacher might use.  Your one-on-one teaching can accomplish more.  But if your child likes it, occasional use of a workbook is all right."

And this really interesting article:  Kids Learn Math Easily When They Control Their Own Learning

And this one:  Just Do the Math

As I'm reading all this Ezzy and Jude begin to argue over some toy monkeys.  They each want the set of three monkeys.  So Kai says, "Well, if we had 6 monkeys they could each have three."  The Ezzy says,

"What if Koa wanted three too?"

"Then we would need 9."

"And what if mommy wanted three?"

"12."

And they went all the way up to 21 calculating if our whole family and God each wanted three monkeys.  Kai said each answer without missing a beat.  I looked at him in wonder.  If I had written 9 + 3 =  on a piece of paper and asked him to solve it, he could do it but he would agonize over it.  But here in a real life situation that was interesting for him it was very easy.

This is what Ruth Beechick talks about when she says, "Don't throw away your opportunity by imitating school too closely.  Use real life for teaching."

"...use real-life situations to teach bits of arithmetic and to build a 'need' to know arithmetic."

"Most arithmetic should be mental.  It happens in conversation, not in written assignments."

The last thing I want to do is kill his curiosity and spirit of adventure and joy in learning through a series of workbooks which are ineffective.

a book we're enjoying

A House for Hermit Crab (The World of Eric Carle)

I love Eric Carle books. His art work is so unique and the stories are captivating. You might be familiar with some of his most popular books - Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? and Very Hungry Caterpillar. I just wanted to share about A House for Hermit Crab, which is not as well known, because it's a book the boys are really enjoying right now in this time of adjustment. It's a great book to help children through transitions and changes. Here's what it's about:

Eric Carle is the creator of many beloved books about animals, birds and insects, but he says that he feels particularly fond of Hermit Crab, the hero of this book. He wrote and illustrated Hermit Crab's story to show young readers that new experiences are not to be dreaded but are really wonderful opportunities.

This post was written in under 30 minutes as part of the Steady mom 30 minute blog challenge.

A homeschool afternoon

Start out with a little "pool" because it's so hot!

When everyone's nice and cool we take our supplies under a shady tree on a blanket - alphabet blocks for the little ones, create-a-calendar for Kai and our read-aloud.

Everyone's busy!

I love these blocks - they have the letter and then a little something inside that starts with the letter - great for learning those letter sounds!

A happy baby!

Kai works on his calendar and I read him the last chapter of our book, The Hundred Dresses. Yes, I teared up a little at the end! These books are so good. They lead to some great conversations, too.

Time for a little snuggling!

Kai runs inside to see what our next scheduled read-aloud is and brings it outside to check it out - it's Johnny Appleseed. He's anxious to get started!

Some kisses from Jude

I love this boy.

Giggles.

He's still happy and talking away! I think he just loves being a part of it all.

We even manage to get some math done, too.

Way to go, Kai!

What a lovely afternoon. Time to go make dinner!

Photo Story Friday is here!

our favorite part

Hands down, our favorite part our school day is read-aloud time. The books that Sonlight has chosen as part of the curriculum are phenomenal. I'm having such a great time, I just have to share what we've read in the last few weeks.


1. The Apple and the Arrow

I feel like I am learning so much right alongside my son. This is the story of how the country of Switzerland was born though the legendary figure William Tell. It was especially meaningful to share this story with Kai, because I spent most of my pregnancy in Switzerland so it's a very special place to me. I actually cried at the end of this book. My kids love it when I cry reading a book! (Have you ever read "I'll Love you Forever"? I cannot get through that one without tearing up!)The courage of the characters was so inspiring, I couldn't help it. It was interesting to me how Switzerland became free from tyranny with so little bloodshed and that even today it remains one of the most peaceful nations.



2. My Father's Dragon

What a fun, silly, imaginative story this is. Just the type of thing my boys love! This was book was meant to last several weeks, reading a chapter a day. Well, we couldn't help ourselves and read the whole thing in two days!!! We just couldn't put it down. This one even Ezra, (4 1/2) enjoyed.








3. The Hundred Dresses

We just started reading this today and could barely put it down. I know we'll finish it fast. It may sound like a book for girls, and though the characters are mostly girls, it completely holds my 7 and 4 year old boy's attention. It has such a great lesson about kindness and teasing. It helps them to think about how it feels to be teased as well as some thoughts about poverty and immigration and sparks compassion. I can't wait to finish it!




I think there are a lot of benefits to reading these books aloud with my children. Quality time, character lessons, increased vocabulary and increased attention to name a few. One thing I'm finding is that it highly increases motivation for reading. My children are discovering through this amazing literature what a treasure books are. It makes them want to be able to discover that treasure themselves and so increases their desire to learn to read and improve their reading.

If you're interested in any of these books - click my little sonlight button on the left and you can find these books and many more (at below Amazon prices, too).

Happy Reading!

Leslie

This post is linked to Steady Mom's 30-minute blog challenge.

I love this

My sis-in-law sent me stacks of readers at Christmas and Kai is just eating them up!

Now I keep finding scenes like this all throughout the day and I have to sneak and take a photo of the moment. I absolutely love it! Kai is reading to his brothers!

I can't pinpoint exactly what happened to spark this love of reading, but Kai (7) is insatiable now. He is reading constantly. I wish I knew what it was that caused this to happen so I could ensure that it happens with the other three boys too. I don't know if it's just part of his nature and personality or what? All I do know is I totally love it and as a mom it makes me very happy.

Seven Years

I could never have imagined, seven years ago, how my life would be forever changed by this little boy. Since the moment he came into the world he has completely captivated me, taught me how to truly love and made my life richer, fuller and more purposeful. There's something about your firstborn - the one you make all your mistakes with as you stumblingly find your way as a new parent. But somehow they survive and thrive and grow - love covers a multitude of sins. I could never thank God enough for the gift of this child and my heart celebrates his seven years of life.
How do I describe him? He's shy, yet very social. Once you get to know him, he is a loyal friend. He's sensitive, kind, adventurous, but not reckless. He's cautious and careful and likes things to be in order. He has a low tolerance for pain and completely freaks out at the sight of blood. He's frequently seen reading books, skateboarding, riding his bike, climbing trees, laughing, wrestling, tumbling and recently eating A LOT.

He loves his brothers, even though at times they torment him. When he's mad he can throw a really good fit. But then there are those days when he says, "Mom, I have a surprise." And he's gone and cleaned his room up perfectly just to surprise me and his eyes light up as he grins so wide when he sees how pleased I am. I can't imagine my life without him.
What a whirlwind of a life you've had, Kai. In your short seven years you've lived in California, Africa, Singapore, Costa Rica and travelled to Malaysia, Panama, Nicaragua and Virginia. I know it's been hard for you, and you miss your family and would do so much better with a more stable life. But you're such a trooper and we're so thankful for God's grace to help you through all the hard transitions you've gone through. Happy Birthday, Kai! I love you more than I can say.


Oh, and I have to add this video. It's from his sleepover Birthday party this weekend, which was totally insane, (but so worth it) I'm still recovering from it!



Don't forget to visit Steady Mom for more 30 minute blog challenges. Ok, I'll admit this took me more than 30 minutes - It would have been, but then I got totally carried away on the photos!!!


also check out: Tuesdays Uwrapped