Happy Birthday, Koa!

Today Koa is one year old!!!  I can't believe how fast the time flies.  We're about to have a pancake breakfast and sing happy birthday to our special guy.  I'm sure I'll be posting more pictures of today - of course I'll have to get a shot of him eating some birthday cake this afternoon.  But for now I'm remembering one year ago today and holding a newborn baby in my arms. 

Remembering one year ago today... (this post was originally published November 5, 2009)

Resting in daddy's hands

sleepy baby

The name "Koa" means strong or brave in Hawaiian. It's pronounced like Noah with a "K." We had a really hard time selecting a name for our fourth boy. He wasn't officially named until his second day of life. I don't really know how we came up with this name, it wasn't even on our lists. It just seemed to fit. Jeffrey is his middle name and he is named for Scott's brother. He was born November 1st at 8 a.m., weighing 6 lbs. 3 oz., 18.5 inches long. Our smallest baby.

My mom arrived in Costa Rica on October 31st. We picked her up at the airport and Rachel made us all dinner. That night I knew I needed to get some sleep and get to bed early. We were leaving for the hospital at 6 a.m. to be there for our 8 a.m. c-section appointment. I woke up at about 2 a.m., just uncomfortable and wide awake. I tried as hard as I could, but I never could go back to sleep! I finally just got up at about 5 and showered and got ready to go. Too much excitement, I guess!

Our plan for the day was that Rachel would stay with Kai, Ezzy and Jude while mom, Scott and I were going to the hospital. Paola would join Rachel later in the day and stay the night. We were a little nervous about how Jude was going to do. The whole week before he started waking up and climbing in bed with me at night. So I had a feeling he would be looking for me at night and might be upset when he couldn't find me. Paola did night duty and she did great with him.

Mema at the hospital - we were lucky they let her into the surgery

Scott suited up and ready for surgery

Everything went really well. I was really nervous about the anasthesia because I've had problems in the past with the epidural not working (this is my 4th c-section). I actually asked the anasthesiologist if I could have general anasthesia! He was so sweet, he said if I really wanted it he would do it, but he didn't recommend it and reassured me that it would be ok. So I went with his advice. During the surgery my mom stood right by me and held my hand. Scott actually went around and video recorded the whole surgery!!! He is crazy! It's a pretty intense surgery.



This moment was really sweet. I could hear Koa crying and crying and when they put him by me he just stopped crying - he knew his mommy! Unfortunately they still had a lot of work left to do with me so Scott went out with the baby while mom stayed with me. It took a full 2 hours to finish the surgery and recovery time. During that time Scott was with the babe. The nurses had him take his shirt off and they put him right on his chest - no bath or blanket or anything! It was bonding time for Scott and baby. They were like that for the full two hours! It is interesting how different countries and hospitals do things differently. In California they had the babies washed, dried, swaddled and in Scott's arms while he waits for me. So this was a different experience, but so sweet!

Scott spent the night with me at the hospital and by the next day we were heading home. This is also different - usually after a c-section I stay 3-4 days in the hospital. In Costa Rica patients only stay one night. I was a little nervous about that, but by the next afternoon I was glad to be going home anyways. I'm not a huge fan of hospitals and I'd just assume be in my own bed.

The only hard thing was the only pain medicine the doctor prescribed for me for home was tylenol and motrin. I didn't realize that until the next morning I woke up in so much pain I could barely even walk to the bathroom. That was not fun. But our friend Mar was able to get a hold of the doctor and get to the pharamacy for us to get some better medicine.

Being home has been a little crazy so far. Luckily we have Mema with us who has been cooking, cleaning and playing with kids - we're keeping her very busy! She leaves Saturday and that will be a sad day. But luckily Scott's mom, aunt and cousin fly in on Monday. I'm feeling better day by day too.


Okay, one of the craziest things is seeing our "baby Jude" all of a sudden look sooo huge! I think maybe other moms will relate to this feeling. He just looks so massive now. The boys are really happy with their baby brother. I think having extra attention from Mema helps a lot while I'm out of commission. The first day back I was in the bathroom and I could hear Kai in my bedroom talking away. I was wondering who he was talking to - when I came in he was sitting there just talking to Koa. "What are you talking about, Kai?" I asked him. "I'm just telling him about the world and that God is with him. He's going to learn that this is a nice, cozy place."

Koa is the smallest baby I've had. The doctor took him out about 2 weeks early. I just can't seem to put him down. He's so tiny, I just want to hold and cuddle him all the time. He is the cutest, snuggliest little thing. It's got to be hard adjusting to this new life outside the womb, but I think he's going to learn, like Kai said, that his new home is a cozy place.

Welcome baby Koa, we love you!

Infant Care

My fourth baby boy is turning one next week, so I think I have earned the right to share my advice about caring for an infant in the first year of life (a hot topic for moms, I know!).  Well, after having four infants I do have some distinct opinions about how to make the most of that precious first year that will come and go in the blink of an eye.

And that is my first piece of advice - this time goes so fast.  Don't waste the time focusing on the wrong things.  Throw away your watch, your clocks, your books telling you how to schedule your baby's sleep, eating and awake times.  Sound extreme?  Well, here's why I say that.  Those well-intentioned books are in reality killing your mother's heart.  There is nothing more natural than caring for an infant.  As long as they're intact, your natural instincts know what to do.  What feels right and good in your heart?  Do that. 

Advice #2 - Nurse your babies if at all possible.  It is not only the best food for them, but also an amazing source of comfort.  If you are nursing you always have a powerful way to comfort your baby when he is in distress.

Advice #3 - Hold and snuggle that baby as much as you possibly can.  Because before you know it, he'll be wiggling off your lap and crawling away to explore.  So enjoy those moments while you can!  You will NOT be spoiling him.  Actually, you'll be doing the exact opposite.  Through all that bonding and closeness you are laying the foundation for discipline - which is connection - and setting the stage for a fabulous time with a connected two year old. 

Advice #4 - Let child development guide you.  Erikson says that in the first year of life babies are learning trust and if that is learned correctly, they develop the attribute of hope.  Every time the baby cries and you meet his need he learnes to trust.  He learns the world is a good place and his conscience is developed through this process.  When he cries and his need is not met, he learns the opposite - despair.  I've got to take care of myself.  I'm on my own. I can't trust in others.  To me this learning process is what's most important in this time - not how often he feeds or how many hours he sleeps or how perfectly timed his naps are (which, by the way, sorts itself out quite naturally and settles into a steady rhythm all on it's own).

*a note about "self-soothing" - it is not learned through crying themselves to sleep.  It is learned over time as they are soothed by someone who loves them.  When babies cry themselves to sleep they are not self-soothing, they are giving up hope.

So, above all, enjoy every moment because before you know it's over and you can never go back.  Be true to yourself and,

"Let love be your highest goal."  1 Corinthians 14:1

More information here:
On Babywise:  Regrets...I've had a few @SortaCrunchy
On Sleep Training:  Crying it out:  10 reasons why it is not for us @PhDinParenting

quotable

Jude:  "Wet's pway someting."

"I don't wike girls... but I wike you."

Ezzy:  Mommy, I wish we were people that buyed expensive stuff.

Me:  Like what?

Ezzy:  Like chocolate cookies that are expensive and cereal that is expensive.

Ezra sings a lot. He has this funny little deep pitched voice and his songs come out more like a chant that he repeats over and over.  Here are a few of his lyrics:

"Why would a momma chase an elephant?" (repeat over and over)

"I love God.

He's so strong and mighty and He has all the powers in the world

oooh... yeah....

I love God.

He's so awesome.

He can save us from all the bad guys in the world.

Oh....

My brothers hit me sometimes.

And it hurts so bad.

Just like God dying on the cross."

"Even when we're fighting and being mean to each other, God still loves you."

"I got lost in the woods.

My mom and dad couldn't find me.

It was so sad.

I couln't find the end of the jungle.

And my mom and dad couldn't find me." 

I overheard Jude and Ezra talking.  Jude was telling Ezra, "Mommy's my best friend."

Ezra holding a straw and waving it at Koa who is crawling on the floor.  He looks at me and says, "I'm training him."

When cups are full

There's a beautiful description of attachment in Playful Parenting.  The author uses an analogy of cups being filled up or emptied out.  Whenever we meet our children's needs in a loving, caring way we are filling up their cup.  Love, attention, affection, connection and playing are all things that fill them up. 

At the same time things happen every day that empty children's cups - disappoinments, failures, frustrations, pressures, friends, siblings and our own reactions/actions as parents can leave kids running 1/2 full or even on empty. 

You can begin to recognize when children's cups are leaky or even empty.  Disorganized behavior, aggression, recklessness, mean-ness on end of the spectrum or excessive fearfulness and timidity on the other side are all symptoms of cups running low. 

When children's cups are full they will exhibit true confidence and security.  With a full cup children are able to be kind, cooperative and compassionate.  We can view behaviors and discipline in light of these cups.  The best way to change negative behavior is to provide a refill!

So in light of this, the job of parenting can be described as continually filling our children's cups.  Isn't that beautiful and at the same time terrifying? 

The book left one important question un-answered.  Where do we as parents get this love to pour onto our children?  Do you ever feel that you're running on empty yourself?  I sure do!  And we go looking to fill our cups in all the wrong places.  Listen to this in Jeremiah 2:13

"My people have committed two sins:

They have forsaken me,

the spring of living water,

and have dug their own cisterns,

broken cisterns that cannot hold water." 

There's only One Source that will truly satisfy.  The Fountain of Living Water.  We have to be filled with this love from Above each and every day.  And the job of parenting can then be described as taking this water and pouring the love of God over our children. 

simplify

I just read a packet that  friend gave me about Thomas Jefferson Education.  I won't get into all the details of that now, but one piece of advice really hit home for me and I spent the week applying it.  And here it is:

The three greatest destroyers of motherly mentoring are cleaning, cooking and chauferring.  Yep, that sounds about right!  Some days I feel I'm spending the entire day cleaning and cooking and managing the house - and it's still a mess!  How many times do my kids actually ask me to read them a book and I say, not now, I need to do this or that - dishes, laundry, straighten up, you name it.  Something is wrong with that picture and I can say my homeschool is definitely suffering because of it.  Here are a few more quotes:

You need to choose between your stuff and your education. 

Too much stuff in the home clogs up the education of everyone who lives there.  Managing your stuff takes time, effort, resources, space, and above all brain cells to keep track of it all - even unconsciously.  Lighten your load and free up those brain cells - we need every brain cell we've got!

Extra stuff around the house consistently and very silently robs energy, time and focus from your education and time with kids. 

Great education is greatly impacted by its surroundings, and cleaning them up will open relationships and learning pathways that are now dormant.

With much less things cluttering the home - you can spend less time cleaning.

So this week I did a major clean up and simplifying in our home.  Instead of academics we focused on cleaning, chores, and training the boys how to put their things away and help keep the house in order. 

It feels really good and manageable now - like a weight lifted off.  I'm happy with the results and am spending more time with the boys.

The boys enjoying their new study space

Have you simplified lately?  What were your strategies?

{this moment} bath time

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. 

the many faces of Koa



the 'ooooo' face



the chubby cheeks face

the confident explorer face

the, 'here we go' face

the 'here, have a leaf' face

the, 'hey guys, can you hear me?' face

the, 'hi Jude, whatcha doin?' face

the, 'hey, wait for me!!!' face

the 'hmmmmm.....' face

the, 'I can do this' face

the, 'I'm checking out these leaves" face

the 'I'm just the sweetest baby in the world' face

another 'oooooo' face, because I can't get enough of it.

the over-the-shoulder cuteness face

the silly grin

the, 'Woa, what was that??" face

the, 'Wow this is fun!' face

the, 'this world is amazing' face

I love him.

a week in San Jose

Sometimes God has surprises for us.  This week was one of those for me.  We went to San Jose to take part in a seminar on marriage and family.  It was a really special time for Scott and me to take time out and focus on what's really important.  Here are some highlights:

While Scott and I were in class, the kids worked on building a club house.

They found scraps from all the construction going on around the base.

They worked together to build their club.

Phew, it's hard work!

Making music with Scott during a rainy afternoon before dinner.



What joy!  I got to hold my little sleeping Koa through the morning sessions.



 Jack Kody shared about marriage and parenting.

It's been so long since I've been able to just sit and receive, I can't believe this actually worked out!

Jude took time out from playing for a nap with mom, too!

Meanwhile, on Friday the finishing touches were being made.

...and - the club house is finished!

yay!

The boys also had fun on the skateboard ramps each day.

Ezzy skateboarding.

Lemuel thinks my boys are his "primos," - cousins!  So cute!

The best part?  No cooking or cleaning or dishes ALL WEEK!  I love the food on the base!


I think we all needed this more than we knew.