Curious George party

What's going on with Jude?

This is a journal entry from September 10:

Ever since I got back from my trip, Jude has been like a different kid. He's so clingy. He wants me to carry him everywhere and do everything for him. He wants nothing to do with Scott - only mommy. And he keeps shouting for things in a high-pitched, stressed-out voice, "I need JUICE!!" It is so frustrating, irritating, exasperating! I love this boy with all my heart, but I'm at my wits end with him.

Definitely I can see that when I went on that trip it caused some stress in little Jude's life.  Not only did I leave him, I brought the baby with me.  I chose Koa over him.  That's painful.  It's been tough to get that connection back with him.  The hard thing is, I know that what he needs is more connection, but his behavior is causing the opposite to happen.  And with three other children, including a baby, it's really hard to re-connect.  And honestly, I don't even know how to reconnect!

Well, I started reading a new book, Playful Parenting, and I had the breakthrough I've been praying for. I never realized before that play is such a powerful way to connect with our children. 

"Since fun and laughs are the currency of children's play, we may need some work on lightening up a bit.  When we get disconnected from children - and we do, again and again - play is our best bridge back to deep connection with them."

So, yesterday I determined to be more playful and see what would happen.  I needed to go grocery shopping and decided that I would take my little "tiger cubs" shopping.  When I took each one out of the van I gave them a little tug at the back of their necks with my mouth, the way a momma tiger carries her cubs.  Jude's eyes were twinkling.  He thought this was the greatest thing ever. Instead of buying food we were hunting, and our grocery bags were our meat.  The boys helped carry the bags into the car by carrying them in their mouths like little tigers.  It was hysterical.

"When we are exhausted or when we are at the end of our rope, we tend to think that play will be just more of an energy drain.  But when we engage playfully with our children, we find that sudenly we do have the energy, both for fun and for finding creative solutions to thorny problems."

That night Kai, Ezzy and Koa all fell asleep, but Jude was still awake.  This is a situation that could potentially frustrate me, but I decided to keep the playfulness going just to see what would happen.  We started out playing tigers again.  He was the baby tiger, I was the mommy and Scott was the daddy.  Then we were hawks and the daddy hawk taught him how to fly and the mommy hawk fed him some worms.  Then we were hermit crabs.  Again he was the baby and Scott and I were the parents.  We had to hide in our shells a lot.  Next we were bears, but this time he was a "big boy bear."  His voice changed a little bit, he was being more confident and doing more things as a big boy bear.  Then I suggested that the big boy bear was tired.  He went to lay down by Koa, still as the "big boy bear" whispering that the big boy bear wouldn't wake up the baby.

Jude's face as I entered his world of imaginary play was incredible.  Eyes alive, alert, engaged.  Facial expression serious, concentrated, intense, fully engrossed in what he was imagining.  He was seriously happy - like I haven't seen him in quite some time. 

Now today he seems to have a deeper contentment, he seems more brave, more able to risk being a "big boy" and know that I'll be here, buiding trust back with me.

A friend came by who's known to be a big Jude fan.  Since my trip Jude has been very grumpy and mean with this friend who used to be his pal.  Well, today Jude was being friendly, silly and engaging once more.  "Wow, he's getting back to like he was before,"  he said.  Yes, he is.   I think my Jude is back to stay.
 

a prayer for sleep

O heavenly Father, you give your children sleep for the refreshing of soul and body. Grant me this gift, I pray;

keep me in that perfect peace which you have promised to those whose minds are fixed on you;

and give me such a sense of your presence, that in the hours of silence I may enjoy the blessed assurance of your love, through Jesus Christ our Savior.

Amen.

- Book of Common Prayer

{this moment} co-sleepers

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

I let my children fight

Yes, it's true.  I'm outnumbered here 5:1, so I learned pretty quickly to let boys be boys.  But we do have some ground rules:

1.  Playfighting is allowed, real fights are not.  If you visit my home you will here me asking, "Is this a playfight or a real fight?"  If both children answer, "playfight!" then it's allowed.  If not, it will stop immediately.

2.  To qualify as a "playfight" both children must agree it's a playfight.  In otherwords, if one child thinks it's a playfight and the other one feels it's a real fight, then it must stop immediately.

3.  There are some risks involved.  If you choose to playfight, you may get hurt.  If this happens, I usually recommend that the child takes a break.  When I recommend this, the child usually all-of-a-sudden feels better and decides that to keep playing would be way more fun than taking a break, and maybe is not feeling so hurt after all.

4.  Koa just can't wait to get in on the action.

Here's what I'm talking about...  beware this video is not for the faint of heart.  You may see some intense moments, but just look and you'll see the smiles on the faces.  It's taken me awhile to understand the strange world of boys - but I think stuff like this is a huge part of it, and possibly very necessary...

Developing character in our kids

Do you ever see a negative character trait expressed in your child and just cringe?  I believe that part of my job as mom is to help my children in their character development.  In the midst of dealing with difficult behaviors, I have to take deep breaths and remind myself to have grace.  Change is a process.  I have to pray about how to best address these things.  And I have to be diligent and not give up, even though it can be an exhausting process.

It helps to reflect, too.  The hard ages for me to deal with seem to be ages 4&5.  I remember going through a really difficult time with Kai at these ages.  I had times where I wondered if I would ever see results?  Would he ever get it?  "It's ok to be angry, but it's not ok to hit, scream, etc."  I repeated this phrase over and over and over again.  I can look back now and honestly say, he got it.  He did learn and he has gained a good measure of self-control over his emotions.  That's what I have to remember as I deal with Ezra and Jude who each turned 3 and 5 and seem to have entered into new phases with new challenges.

I'm working on teaching them about Honor.  According to this book, honor means: 

Treating people as special

Doing more than what's expected

Having a good attitude

I really like that. 

Kai's Poem

I woke up this morning and found a poem sitting on the table, evidence that Kai was busy before I was even awake.

Mik

My Mik can bring and

he has a ring

and he can sting

and he is a king.

It's written in purple marker with an accompanying illustration.  Wow, it really brought a smile to my face! 

Counting Blessings on a Monday

198.  A relatively successful church attendance for the family.
199.  The way Kai takes charge and organizes his day, filling it with fun and productive activities.
200.  Play-fighting with lots of laughter.
201.  The silliness of these boys.
202.  Prayers and advice at women's Bible study.
203.  Hide and go seek at the park.
204.  Writing in my journal consistently again.
205.  Your powerful majestic lightning and thunder.
206.  bookshelves
207.  re-arranging furniture.
209.  benadryl
210.  Walking with my neighbor.
212.  My neighbor starting to homeschool.
214.  Provision
215.  rain, rain and more rain.
217.  Our awesome backyard.
219.  Getting our brakes fixed on the car so quickly.
221.  Christians in Jaco.
222.  Our amazing hermit crabs that are somehow still alive.
223.  Never having to even think about trash or stress about dishes because my husband is so on top of it.
225.  Feeling a flow with homeschool.
226.  Finally, a flexible schedule that Kai likes and sticks to.
227.  Little boys washing dishes.
228.  Koa learning to swim.
229.  Finding a little soccer club for Kai and he loves it.
230.  One-on-one time with Jude.

Cheap Thrills

One last thought

I wanted to share one last bit out of A Mother's Heart.

Drying the dishes one afternoon, I felt trapped.  The children were being especially raucous, and I felt irritated.  They seemed to rub against each other like sandpaper, and a tone of disharmony prevailed.  "What's wrong with them?" I asked as I became more annoyed.

Then I paused and considered myself.  Had I set the unpleasant tone?  Had I been impatient and unkind in my dealings with them?  Had I given them any undivided attention that day?

Gradually, I saw that I was not an innocent victim held captive by a bunch of hooligans.  I was part of the problem, perhaps even the originator of the problem.  How could I turn things around?  I hung up my dish towel and focused my attention on them.

I gathered up several library books and a blanket, and we all climbed onto the couch and covered our legs with the blanket.  I read to them for only half an hour, but the closeness and warmth changed the tone.  No further action was necessary.  I didn't have to correct or lecture them.  It was enough to change my attitude.

To be wise, every woman must start with herself (p. 67-678). 

I was having a really tough morning with Kai the other day when this scene from the book popped in my head.  It actually took extreme effort on my part, but I stopped engaging in the conflict with my children, gathered books and pulled the children onto the couch with me.  We read this book that my sister-in-law gave me.

It did the trick!  Just reading and being together calmed everyone down.  Kai went back to his school work with renewed energy and enthusiasm.  He chose one of the verses in this book to do for his copywork and I copied some of the scriptures that he liked to hang on his wall.

A true gift

You can be physically present and still not make a positive contribution to your children. You can be there, but not be all there. Your mind can be a million miles away, your energy and your ambitions drained by other pursuits. You can focus your attention on your "do list," the television, a good book, or decorating your home, and be oblivious to your child's needs. You may be too busy or too preoccupied to make a significant difference.

 - A Mother's Heart: A Look at Values, Vision, and Character for the Christian Mother

"Rings and jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts.  The only true gift is a portion of thyself."

-Emerson

embracing my limitations

I'm sharing my thoughts from A Mother's Heart: A Look at Values, Vision, and Character for the Christian Mother this week.  This quote is one that hit home with me.

...we sometimes view our children as a hindrance to our involvement in God's plan. Anyone who has tried to lead a Bible study while keeping a toddler entertained or counsel a distraught friend while a baby cries in the background knows how difficult it can be. We need to remind ourselves and each other that our family is our primary ministry and not a frustrating obstacle to "real" ministry.

This is a good reminder for me.  I'm in a season of saying no, staying home and focusing on these little ones.  It's not what I necessarily imagined I would be doing.  Sometimes I have moments where I think about my giftings and talents, things I'm good at that I'm not doing.  It can be a little frustrating.  I'll hear of a need in church or somewhere and think, "I could do that."  And then remember, no, I can't do that, not now.  Maybe later.  I don't know when.  I don't know when this season will end.  I'm sure at some point I'll feel able to add something to my plate, little by little possibly as the children become more independent.

In the meantime I am determined not to miss out on this precious time while I'm at home.  I want to make the most of it because I know it won't last forever.  That's part of the reason I do this blog.  To visually see the things we're doing,  document these days, share the successes and triumphs, get encouragement through the tough times and find a connection.  Thanks for reading along, by the way, and sharing in our journey!

It is encouraging to view this season with purpose and excitement.  Here's something to remember when the day seems to be dragging.

The aspect of mothering that excites me most is knowing I am making a permanent difference in my children's lives. I am a woman of influence. I impart values, stimulate creativity, develop compassion, modify weaknesses, and nurture strengths. I can open life up to another individual. and I can open an individual up to life.

When I read my child a story I am doing far more than entertaining him. I am expanding his world with language, words, thoughts, and imagination.

When I sit beside my child's bed at night to talk and pray, I'm doing far more than cultivating a bedtime ritual. I'm tuning in to what he is thinking, catching up on his day, listening for fears, hopes, and questions. This personal time gives me an opportunity to point him to the Lord Jesus Christ and His relevance to the situations my child faces.

A Mother's Heart, a book review

I have a huge line up of books to read - I'm so excited about that. In the meantime I want to make sure I take the time to process and reflect on what I've read so far. I just finished, A Mother's Heart: A Look at Values, Vision, and Character for the Christian Mother.  This book was a treasure. I gained encouragement from it and I want some of these nuggets to go deep into my soul.

One of the key things I'm taking away from this book is about having a vision for the task. 

Here's a quote:

If commitment to our role as a mother languishes, this may be true not because the job is too small or unchallening but because our vision is too small.  Our dreams for our task may be thin and weak.  We fail to hear God's call and miss the broad scope of the possibilities before us.  We focus instead on the routine activities and demands - changing diapers, potty training, clenaing up messes, telling the kids for the fifth time not to slam the door - and miss any sense of a higher calling. 

Mothers, look up and look ahead!  Ask yourself:  In five, ten, twenty, even forty years, what will I wish that I had done today?  We want to avoid reaching the end of our lives with regret.  Look ahead, decide what is really important and plan to live accordingly. 

Solomon wrote, "A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it" (Proverbs 22:3).  He repeated this saying in Proverbs 27:12.  Perhaps Solomon repeated this proverb because too few of us look ahead, assess our situation, and change direction when necessary.

Several years ago, I heard a dedicated missionary share what she would do differently if she could start raising her family again.  This woman was committed to Christ and his cause, and she spent her life serving others - so the depth and quality of her life made me sit up and listen when she shared.  She said she would stay home more, be kinder to her children and feed them spiritually.

...I long to become more kind in my reactions towards my own children.

I feel like that is my heart's cry right now.  More kindness, more patience, more vision and purpose.  I feel really challenged. 

The rest of the book talks about our calling and vision, values, prayer, taking care of ourselves, teaching, discipline and some creative ideas mixed in.  She really challenges mothers to step it up!

In every generation mothers must answer the call to be what no one else can be and to do what no one else can do for their children.  It isn't that mothers can't do many other things, but if they refuse to accept their calling as mothers some child ends up short changed.  And the empty space that mother leaves echos for generations. 

Mothers are neither the cause of all society's ills nor the saviors of the nation.  But the future of society does depend, in part, on what we do with the children under our care. 

What a challenge!  I'll be sharing more thoughts on the book the rest of this week.

Week in review

I've been struggling a little bit to get back into a groove with the boys and homeschooling after my trip.  This week feels like we're getting our rhythm back, so I thought it would be fun to post some of our successful moments.

Kai made this guy and called him Tim.  We've been having fun including Tim in all kinds of activities.  It makes me laugh seeing his creepy face peering through doorways or propped up against the wall!

If you've been following along, you know about my math struggles.  Our math curriculum is out the window, so I have to just make things up until we find something we like.  This week we did M&M math, just for fun and something different. 

It was fun because it was something we could do all together.

 

Kai had extra practice after his brothers lost interest. I was surprised to find he likes doing timed drills in addition so we've done several a day and he's getting faster. I like hearing him talk to himself, "Come on, Kai, you know this!"

We did some subtraction practice with marshmallows, eating them one by one and counting them.

Making sensory boxes is something I've been wanting to do for awhile.  These ideas are from Pink and Green Mama blog.  This one is a "construction box" filled with sand, rocks, and all construction related cars and trucks.

We died rice blue using hand sanitizer and blue food coloring in a ziploc bag.

This is an Ocean in a box.  We collected all ocean related toys and put arranged them in the box with the rice. 

I took this picture through my kitchen window, it's a view of the boys playing happily while I fixed lunch.  These boxes have provided hours of fun for the boys. 

Lots and lots of reading

This is a picture of Scott reading Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein.  Scott has done a lot of reading aloud this week.  We started Dr. Doolittle, which on our Sonlight reading list is scheduled for the next four weeks.  Well, they got so into it they finished it in three days! 

How was your week?

My trip home

This month I got to take a trip back to my hometown of Falls Church, Virginia. It's been almost 3 years since my last visit, I can't even believe that. It was such a special trip. It was so fun to just have Koa and enjoy time with him, my last baby. I got to see family, friends and enjoy the goodness of life in the U.S. of A.

It's funny because living in Costa Rica, I kind of tell myself that it's really not that different. I mean, we have a KFC right down the street. McDonald's is only about 2 hours away. We have grocery stores, we have paved roads, we even have sidewalks.

But you know, the truth is, it is really different. It is totally different. I love living in Costa Rica, don't get me wrong, it is such a blessed life that we live. But at the same time, it is really fun to go home and enjoy my home culture and those things that we don't have here.

I especially enjoyed eating. I think I probably gained about ten pounds. My family kept commenting that I was eating like I had never eaten before in my life! My favorite eats included:

tomato Basil soup at La Madeleine
bagels and broccoli cheddar soup at Panera Bread
pita chips and rye tricuits with hummus and spinach dip
freshly grilled hamburger cookout at my Pop Pop's house
deep fried pickles on my mom's birthday
blueberries and rasperries
fresh tomatoes from my Pop Pop's garden
toasted english muffins with real butter
cinnamon bun flavored coffee creamer
chili cheese fritos
7 eleven iced coffee
swiss cheese on a sandwich
salmon

I also enjoyed some shopping. My mom and I hit up thrift stores. I about cried walking into Unique thrift store. Furniture, children's desks, chairs, strollers, you name it all for dollars. I couldn't even look at that section, knowing that I couldn't take anything that big home with me and knowing that I don't have access to anything like that here. I feel utterly convinced that I could live off of the excesses of American culture. That kind of excess just does not exist here. I did enjoy the toy section and book section of the thrift stores and found some awesome stuff for homeschool, including some great books, board games and toys.

I also cleaned out a bunch of stuff I have in mom's attic.  Wow, boxes of photos, letters, journals (I've kept a journal consistently since I was 10 - that equals a lot of journals), an extensive china doll and rag doll collection, which will now never be passed on to a daughter, but I was able to give them to my niece.  I wish I had more time to look through all the memories.  All I did was condense everything down to a few boxes and put them back in the attic for now.

But all of the fun of eating, shopping and digging through memories aside, the best part by far of my trip was spending time with the people I love that I do not get to see nearly often enough. And there were so many more people I would have loved to see, too.

Seeing Ellen, such an important person in my life, and meeting her son Charlie was extra-special!

Old friends are the best friends.  These ladies and I have known each other since before I even can remember.  Seeing them just feels like coming home.

At Panera Bread with one of my favorite families!

Hanging out with Laura, and meeting my precious godson, Jackson meant so much to me!  This is one of those friendships that stands the test of time and when we see each other it feels like no time has passed - I love that!

Sister time is the best!  Especially hanging out in mom's tent in her backyard!

My Pop-Pop and cousins.  What a special day to have all his grandchildren together in the same place at the same time.

My adorable niece, Sadie.  Just wanna squeeze her!

 Koa and Sadie enjoying their breakfast on mom's beautiful backporch.  Koa was one happy baby on this trip, being held constantly and getting so much attention!

My momma's birthday.  I love my family!!!!

Homecoming - lots of love!

Coming home has been harder than expected.  I've been getting some "payback" this week from the boys I left behind, especially from Jude.  Emotions running high, it's taken us all a little time to settle back into our normal patterns of relating and functioning as a family.   But we're getting there.  And Scott did so great taking care of three boys by himself.  He's such a superdad!